itisatruth

OK, so any advice would be greatly appreciated on this one.

My dilemma: use the money I have saved to pay mortgage or keep it for myself?

Update: I told AH I wanted a separation and would be looking for my own place. We barely speak.

So, as part of my plan, I am saving money to move out.

His doctor cut him off the pills so AH decided to use our mortgage money to go to a detox. He is gone now. We are over 30 days late already and the new month is due. He was supposed to pay it while I was on vacation. (vacation didn't cost me anything since I stayed with family)

So, now the bank is calling. I have just enough saved for moving out (not all but a sizable chunk) to cover July. But I don't know how long it would take me to save it again. I did do some extra work in July that I will get at the end of August, but it still won't be enough to catch us up.

To be fair, he has contributed to things, like my son's car getting fixed. But, for the most part, he wastes it on doctors appts. and prescriptions.

Would I be selfish to keep it? Or am I being too gullible to pick up his slack again?

I just don't know about this one.

BTW --this is the fourth detox/rehab he's done in 1.5 years, which is why insurance isn't covering all of it.

BBD

Thats a tough one itisatruth~~~The bank isn't close to repo-ing your house are they?? If this is the first payment you have missed I maybe would call and explain your situation while he's in rehab. No one can tell you what to do but if your dealing with leaving and need the money I'd put myself first. Life sure can hand us some hard situations and I wish you well with this one. Smiles, Bonnie

Callie

I called my lawyer about my sitch and she said that AH is responsible for 1/2 the bills here reglardless of if he's here or not. I would NOT bail him out, BUT you want to protect your credit also. She also said that HE is responsible for the same amt as if he still had his previous job. Does your AH work?? Don't know if this helps or not, but protect yourself FIRST! 4th in 1.5 years wow, my biggest fear - sounds like you're making the right choice in leaving.

itisatruth

Thanks Bonnie, I think I'm going to have to call them either way. It's just a hard thing for me to do -- I hate not taking care of my obligations and it feels like I'd be "swallowing my pride" -- I just can't talk about his situation in person without getting really upset. It's the first time we've been this late, so maybe they will be understanding.

itisatruth

Callie, that's good info. One thing I have been meaning to do is talk to a lawyer about getting a legal separation, so I guess I just need to get on that. I do worry about my credit, especially if I apply for apartments to rent. He does work, but misses a lot from calling in sick....which is partly why we are always trying to catch up.

Your H is in rehab, right? Don't let my AH's experience worry you......his problem is that he has only been going in for 4-6 days, just long enough to get passed the physical withdrawals, and then back to work. No recover working, no meetings, no long-term plan, although the rehab always tries to set him up with stuff. So, I don't think its a fair comparison to those who put in more time and do follow up stuff. I told my AH if he's going to do this again, he should at least do it right this time, but we'll see.

Thank you.....

ladyamalthea

I wish I had advice here, but I just wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts

Callie

If you are married, most attorneys will grant a free consultation. I'll admit that I've had 3. Spaced years apart, but I wanted to know what "I" was entitled too. Not sure what your credit is like, but I have rentals as well. If you're wanting out "I" would be happy to know your situation despite your credit as a "landlord". You may feel it's in your best interest to bail him out, but what about next month or the month after? Who is on the mortgage/rental agreement. I would remove myself from ANYTHING tied to his name that I could. ....stepping down... just what I've found out for myself.

Callie

Also....I have been down the "legal sep" route. It's expensive. One question I've had posed to me is "Do you even want to be married to him after all he's done"? For me, I want to either take babysteps or take the plunge. I guess I don't fully know your situation, but do you want to drag your family through bump after bump if he's going to continually use? Sorry if I sound harsh - just really ticked off @ my AH right now and I know where you are coming from.

Callie

Reading what I wrote IAT - your credit may take a hit, but it sounds like you need MORE than a legal seperation. I feel like dirt for saying this/that. Worry about yourself and getting out and leading a healthy life for yourself. Chin up and hugs girl.

BayAreaPhoenix

(((itisatruth)))

Wow! Legal, for the "future" bills. Consult an atty. find out what is going to be your obligations, etc. Make an educated and informed decision. CA is a "community" property state.

Lots of support, strength, love and hugs coming your way!