Aysha

I just have to remember that I was very selfish in my addiction. Alot of times I didnt care or think about anyone else.

Yesterday really made me see how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family.
None of my family has ever dealt with the level of addiction like mine. Alcoholism to a point. But not to the degree of what my addiciton did to not only myself. But to everyone around me who cares about me.
For a group of people who do not have any real understanding of this addiction of mine. They sure do let me know that they are proud of me for making efforts in my recovery. Let me know every chance they get that they will always be there. That they dont need to understand completely to love me and support me.
Not only through their words. But through their actions. I am reminded all the time how loved and fortunate I am to have them.
I could never understand what it is like to watch someone you love destroy themselves. It takes alot of strength I imagine to do that knowing theres nothing you can do. And just praying to God they do somehting before its too late. All the while wondering why love isnt enough to beat addiction.

So today and everyday. I will remember everyone who has put up with me. Never gave up on me and always kept faith I would make it. Even when I gave up on myself.
Not only my family but everyone here and anywhere that knows me and watched me try to poison myself for so many years.

I am so blessed. And so very very grateful for the ones who have stood by me through it all.

RK2007

You're right Chi, what a great post too.

butterfly19

Thanks Chi!!!!

Thanks for the wonderful reminder that so many people in our lives who don't understand addiction, stand by us in our darkest hours. Let us never forget them for their unconditional love!

I have too many friends here at SR to name--so thanks to you all! I'd like to especially like to thank my mother for standing by me, for holding me when I sobbed in her arms like a baby, for yelling at me when I screwed up time and time again, for forgiving me for my mistakes, for financial support, but most of all for her promise to always be here for me no matter the circumstances!

I think this would be a great thread to mention at least one person who has put up with us when it would have been much easier to turn away!

Love,

butterfly19 (SP)

:ghug2

Aysha

Good idea..Most definately my grams. I have put this woman through hell. And its not the first time.
Her whole life has been catered to others.
She was in an orphanage along with her many siblings at a young age. Was very poor they took pancakes to school for lunch and had to wear the same clothes lots of times.
Her first 2 husbands beat the **** out of her all the time. Had an alcoholic son always wrecking her cars and getting locked up. Then she had an alcoholic for a 3rd husband and a crack smoking grandaughter.
She has given her entire savings and any large sums of money she has had away to her kids.
And she is so amazing. She isnt bitter. She isnt judgemental. She is the realest person I know.
Only lady I know that can go in any of my old stomping grounds and get true respect from the people there. She judges noone.
LOL..Do you know how many times she has had dealers and other smokers track me down for her?
And they will cuss me out and put it on me for putting her through hell.
She will feed anyone who is hungry and she is just the sweetest..most geneous person I could ever hope to have as my driving force to get better.

Grams rocks!!

Stango

Thank you for reminding me of the people that love me and are there for me !!!!

HideorSeek

Wow, Chi, what a positive post! I, too, would like to thank my family for always being there for me...for forcing me to acknowledge my addiction and to get help...for forgiving me time and time agin for all the things I said and did that hurt them...for understanding (well, pretty much) that the anger I directed outwards, was really anger towards myself...for loving me when I hated myself.

Anna

Oh yes, how we needed someone to love us!:praying

Aysha

You hit that one on the head hide....I would get so angry for my grams doing things for me or caring about me. I felt I didnt desereve it. But the best part is they see something we dont. And Thank goodness for that.

four812

wow....good stuff

i guess my friend tim has always been there for me....we don't communiocate a lot this year but we keep in touch and seen eachother a few times at events. i went to HS with tim....met him in highschool....he gave me a nick name back then (no one else ever used it, but i was happy, because I had always wanted a nick name)

off to college i fell into depressioin..my first bout of it....and started drinking and smoking pot.....he helped me through some tough times.....one time rescued me in the middle of the night because i called him 10 times and thought i was going to die....he came and walked me around the campus through the morning hours (i'm sure he had better things to do)

so many other times....we are both 47 now....he is a sucessful entrepuneur....and I am a 47 year old just hanging on guy who's been very lucky and has a job with the big three

Aysha

Always good to know theres someone to help us through.
My best friend from 7th grade had to distance herself. I didnt even notice I was so rapped up in my drug world. But she had kids and a family. She tried all the same drugs I did. Actually she was the first person to get me snorting cocaine when we were like 18. But she never liked smoking it. She grew out of it all. She doesnt even smoke pot anymore.
And its great because she is still there for me. When I moved up here I found her on myspace. I hadnt seen her in like a couple years. And she was so glad I wasnt dead.
Her girls still call me aunty Trish. And even though we dont talk that much. I know we will always be like sisters.
She is my best friend for life. And she is a riot to hang around. We always had a blast. She is crazy funny and dont care what anyone thinks either. Shes like that strait. LOL.
We have been friends over 20 yrs.

Aysha

I want to remember my Aunt and Uncle right now.
They lead very busy lives. Both have time consuming jobs. 2 teenagers in the house. Lots of grandbabies. And they always find time to spend with family. Tues and Sun are family dinner night at their house. And they cater to 14 of us almost every time.
On top of that. They have had to get in the middle of my messes when I was out there. Not so much for me. But for my grams sake. After all this stuff they do on a daily basis. They still love me. They still trust me. And they never once made me feel outcasted or unwanted. They make sure I get to and from work along with my cousins.
They think of me on every holiday. Right down to Valentines and Easter. Even if its a bag of candy. They think of me.
My uncle let me use his truck all last week while they were away on vacation and that really shocked me. They know I have rented my car to dealers. And even had mine towed alot by the police.
They truly are amazing.
So today I am grateful for my aunt and uncle.
They are not obligated in any way to do even a fraction of this stuff. And I have told them time and time again they dont have to do any of it. But they refuse to not help.
I am very blessed.