I think my husband Relapsed
Restoring myself to sanity
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
I think my husband Relapsed
It's been a while since I have been here.
Husband claims that he is clean and he attends NA meetings and even picked up a 90 day chip. He both saddens me and angers me that he is going around pretending that he is sober, even some where like NA that would not condem him if he told the truth about slipping up. In the end he is only hurting himself.
For the last couple of days my gut has told me that he has been using again. There were a lot of strange numbers on his phone yesterday and one of them was a motel that is seedy. Just the type where one would buy drugs at. I broke into his voice mail and there was a message from a guy telling him the room number he was staying in and that he would bring "them" to my AH but he would rather my AH come pick them up. There was a message like this from friday and one where this guy called again at 12:30 am this morning. Apparently my AH did not pick whatever it was up and he knows nothing about the voice mail this morning. I erased it.
Anyway, I was outside giving the dog a bath and I saw that his golf bag was leaning against the garage. Something told me to look through it and thats when I found a bottle of lorecet. There were 28 pills in all. I took three of them out and left the rest. I'm, going to monitor how many he is taking over the next few days.
I have decided not to confront him about this yet, all I will get is another lie anyway. I don't want him to know that I know what he is up to and that I know his hiding places.
What I have decided to do is to collect as much evidence as I can, continue to support him in going to his NA meetings and quietly plan an intervention with his family.
In the meantime, I'm going to continue to work on me and my sanity.
Six months ago, I would have flown off the handle at this revelation. Now I just shake my head in sadness. Here is this man that could do so much with his life but yet he chooses to let his addiction destroy him.
In the last 6 months my AH has used drugs and lied about it, cheated on me and still denies that he had intercourse with this person but I have evidence that proves other wise. I have been through hell and it looks like I'm still there. However, I'm choosing a different route to take this time around. I'm not going to yell, I'm not going to scream, but I'm not going to bury my head in the sand either. It is what it is and I cannot change a damn thing.
An intervention is my last hope. I think if I do one in which his family is involved and lay out what I have discovered, he will go to rehab. Of course what he does in rehab and what he does after rehab is his choice.
I have never done and intervention before and right now I think it's to early to plan one. I'm just going to sit back and observe for a bit. Research rehabs, see what my insurance will pay for and contine to trust that my HP will show me what to do. I do know that when the time comes, he will have two choices. He can either go to rehab and come home, work a program and get a different job because the one he is at is a haven for drugs or I will walk away from this marriage.
I probably should have walked away months ago but I guess the codie in me wants to know that I did everything that I possibly could to save it.
Husband claims that he is clean and he attends NA meetings and even picked up a 90 day chip. He both saddens me and angers me that he is going around pretending that he is sober, even some where like NA that would not condem him if he told the truth about slipping up. In the end he is only hurting himself.
For the last couple of days my gut has told me that he has been using again. There were a lot of strange numbers on his phone yesterday and one of them was a motel that is seedy. Just the type where one would buy drugs at. I broke into his voice mail and there was a message from a guy telling him the room number he was staying in and that he would bring "them" to my AH but he would rather my AH come pick them up. There was a message like this from friday and one where this guy called again at 12:30 am this morning. Apparently my AH did not pick whatever it was up and he knows nothing about the voice mail this morning. I erased it.
Anyway, I was outside giving the dog a bath and I saw that his golf bag was leaning against the garage. Something told me to look through it and thats when I found a bottle of lorecet. There were 28 pills in all. I took three of them out and left the rest. I'm, going to monitor how many he is taking over the next few days.
I have decided not to confront him about this yet, all I will get is another lie anyway. I don't want him to know that I know what he is up to and that I know his hiding places.
What I have decided to do is to collect as much evidence as I can, continue to support him in going to his NA meetings and quietly plan an intervention with his family.
In the meantime, I'm going to continue to work on me and my sanity.
Six months ago, I would have flown off the handle at this revelation. Now I just shake my head in sadness. Here is this man that could do so much with his life but yet he chooses to let his addiction destroy him.
In the last 6 months my AH has used drugs and lied about it, cheated on me and still denies that he had intercourse with this person but I have evidence that proves other wise. I have been through hell and it looks like I'm still there. However, I'm choosing a different route to take this time around. I'm not going to yell, I'm not going to scream, but I'm not going to bury my head in the sand either. It is what it is and I cannot change a damn thing.
An intervention is my last hope. I think if I do one in which his family is involved and lay out what I have discovered, he will go to rehab. Of course what he does in rehab and what he does after rehab is his choice.
I have never done and intervention before and right now I think it's to early to plan one. I'm just going to sit back and observe for a bit. Research rehabs, see what my insurance will pay for and contine to trust that my HP will show me what to do. I do know that when the time comes, he will have two choices. He can either go to rehab and come home, work a program and get a different job because the one he is at is a haven for drugs or I will walk away from this marriage.
I probably should have walked away months ago but I guess the codie in me wants to know that I did everything that I possibly could to save it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,054
jerect,
You have found a lot of "red flags." I believe you were meant to see those things. More disappointments I know. My husband does the same thing. I don't request an intervention anymore, he knows the program. He's been in and out of the rooms for years. Some times some never change, it depends on the individual. They have to have the willingness.
I'm sorry for you, and I know how you feel. I pray the Lord holds you through it all.
Do you have children?
NH7
You have found a lot of "red flags." I believe you were meant to see those things. More disappointments I know. My husband does the same thing. I don't request an intervention anymore, he knows the program. He's been in and out of the rooms for years. Some times some never change, it depends on the individual. They have to have the willingness.
I'm sorry for you, and I know how you feel. I pray the Lord holds you through it all.
Do you have children?
NH7
Seriously Fun!
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California coast
Posts: 415
I feel so sad to read your post. I wish you all the best in trying to help him. He is lucky to be so loved. He needs to know that, but he also needs to know that you are on to him, and he needs to make some choices about his future.
I wouldn't let him continue to get away with it.
I wouldn't let him continue to get away with it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
I don't know what to say to make you feel better... But I just want to let you know my heart is with you... I think I would let my boyfriend know that I found that, just to let him know he was not getting away with it. I would say something like... I don't want to hear any excuses, I don't want to hear anything. I just want to let you know I found this, and if it is from the past, it is opening up old wounds from the past and it hurts, and if its from the present, it has created a wound. Either way, I am still hurt.
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
You cannot change anyone. It is hard enough to try and change something about yourself you don't care for. Anvil said some very good things to you.
Try focusing on yourself. No matter what you have done in the past it hasn't made a difference in his behaviour.
Try focusing on yourself. No matter what you have done in the past it hasn't made a difference in his behaviour.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Dangit Jerect - I'm so sorry. I agree with Anvil - how much will be enough. Does anyone here have any stat's on relapses? Although my AH is in rehab, I can see me posting the exact same in the future. Gather as much ammo to satisfy your needs so he can't lie his way out of it or convince you he's NOT using. I'm so sorry you're going through this, yet again. He knows what he needs to do to get clean. You know what you need to do to remove yourself from this situation. Chin up - the pain of getting out HAS to be less than the pain of living this way for the rest of your life doesn't it? Take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Jerect..... just having a plan helps so much with the strength doesn't it? I did the same thing..... I spoke with his parents and they asked me to look into what goes into doing an intervention and hiring an intervention specialist. Within a half hour of them asking me, I felt so blessed because I got so much information. I called a number and spoke with people who referred out.
This intervention brought his family, friends, and I so close together. Together we sorted out all of the stories/lies that were told to us. Some of them were laughable, so there was some laughter, but most importantly where we have been so confused as to what to believe, it was healing for us all to come face to face with another and know now that we weren't alone in this "family disease". The dancing on egg shells stopped. Together we all shared a divine intervention. The specialist kept us focused at coming towards him with love and not as an attack. We all went around the room and shared how this disease has effected us and we all closed saying the same thing "Go to rehab" Some gave ultimatums, some pleaded, and some were very "as matter of fact". There was also this feeling across the board of "power in numbers".... like we have all wanted to say it, but saying it all together, we were able to draw from one another's strength.
I know that when I had that plan, I was able to feel better because there was FINALLY a plan!
This intervention brought his family, friends, and I so close together. Together we sorted out all of the stories/lies that were told to us. Some of them were laughable, so there was some laughter, but most importantly where we have been so confused as to what to believe, it was healing for us all to come face to face with another and know now that we weren't alone in this "family disease". The dancing on egg shells stopped. Together we all shared a divine intervention. The specialist kept us focused at coming towards him with love and not as an attack. We all went around the room and shared how this disease has effected us and we all closed saying the same thing "Go to rehab" Some gave ultimatums, some pleaded, and some were very "as matter of fact". There was also this feeling across the board of "power in numbers".... like we have all wanted to say it, but saying it all together, we were able to draw from one another's strength.
I know that when I had that plan, I was able to feel better because there was FINALLY a plan!
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