Troubledone

I haven't posted for a very long time - I thought I was out of the woods.

Long story short - Niece addicted to crystal meth, two big felonies, and a year in treatment and jail and I thought she was through.

Now I find out she was doing meth off and on for the past 9 months, and selling drugs for at least the past two months - probably longer. She got arrested last night for evading an officer/high speed chase, but they let her out. She showed up at my house behaving like a meth addict coming down (just crazy). The drug detective wanted her loose so he could work with her to get other dealers.

Good news is that I called her p.o. and she was able to get the judge to issue a warrant for her arrest. Now, instead of putting herself in harms way, she is safely in jail. Thank goodness, the justice system sometimes does work.

I don't know what they'll do other than hold her until her hearing on Monday.
I'm hoping they require a drug eval, more time or something. She is not well. She also suffers from borderline personality disorder - so there may be some of that.

So now I'm just sad. I felt something was wrong, but couldn't do anything (she's 27 and flits from friend to friend, just showing up here occassionally).

And - all her stuff is here. Technically, she "lives" here, if getting mail and crashing once every 6 weeks is "living" someplace. My husband wants to put all her stuff in storage and tell her not to come back. I'm inclined to say that if she wants to come back, she needs to follw curfew, etc - but that just sounds like more craziness.

Maybe I need to find her a half way house...

I'd appreciate anyone's prayers who have any to offer, as well as any advice any might be willing to offer.

Thanks for being there. Sorry I've been gone so lone...
Troubledone

Done_With_It

Oh honey I am so sorry... I think about you and your neice and your husband quite often and wonder how you are doing.... I've been concerned since I have not seen you around in quite awhile.. I'm sorry your neice is not done, I know how hard this is on you.

I tend to agree with your husband at this point, because your way isn't working, trying to help her, save her, is and has been tearing you apart
for as long as I've known you. I know you want to help her, save her,
but sometimes we have to save ourselves or we we'll be dragged down
also.

If 'you' find her a hålfway house, how do you think that is going to work?
Do you think that she will stay there? get better? or do you think it will
play out the same way, and your efforts will be in vain? and you will be
set up to be hurt again??
Is she asking you to find her a halfway house?
Sweetie, take care of YOU first, or you are going to continue to let her drag you down....

You know I love you dearly...
Love and Light to you...

Troubledone

Done -

you always know just the right thing to say. thanks so much for responding. I can see the wisdom in your questions.

You are absolutely right.

I guess this will be the test of my being able to really let go with love. I've been progressively letting go for some time, but I see that I'm not done.

thanks so much for your kind words. it really really helps.

Trouble

Done_With_It

Love her enough to let her fall. If she never has the chance to pick herself back up, make herself get her 'own' act together, how will she ever gain or find her 'own' confidence? She can't live through your confidence.


My roommate is 28 she does not work. She has struggled with depression off and on her whole life. She finds a job and quits it, gets fired, whatever.
Then Mom and Dad pick up the pieces, her parents still support her.
So guess what, she does not have to find a job, she does not have to 'live'.
Rarely does she come out of her room when she is home, etc. I'm not knocking her, I'm saying taking care of people keeps them sick.



:ghug3

Impurrfect

sending you and your niece big hugs and prayers.

I agree with Done...let her fall. It's the only way we addicts ever seem to get the message that we're ruining our life.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Skyburst

I went through this for 15 years with my son. Lost count but at least 23 times in detox centers, 3 or 4 in half-way houses etc. They're right you can't fix it. They'll just drag you through hell with em. It's hard to let 'em go but...sometimes the bear wins. Working on me now...he didn't make it btw

StillLearning1

((troubledone))
Prayers for you and your family.

marle

Troubledone, I have wondered how you and your niece were doing. Thank you for the update and I am sorry that she still is using. I agree to let her fall and I send prayers for her and you and your family. Hugs, Marle

historyteach

My thoughts and prayers are with your neice that she finds her way;
And with you and your husband, that you find peace.

Shalom!

Hangin' In

Troubleone,

So sorry you are going through this.

As much as we hate it, we who just want to help, just can't. Our addicted loved ones have to get to the point of wanting to help themselves. We can't do it for them or get them there any faster.

For years now I've gone to Al Anon and thank you, Lord, for what I've been taught in those meetings. People have shared (just like we do here) how to detach with love, how to back off and "let go and let God", how to set my boundaries, how my "helping" really wasn't helping but was enabling. I've really "gotten" some of that stuff, and other stuff, like the "let go and let God", well, I have to work on every single day. But every bit of what I've learned from being in recovery for myself has helped my life get better. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Maybe you could find a meeting near you. I just know meetings and this board saved my life.

Prayers for you and your niece,
Hangin' In