When I drink:
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 482
When I drink:
I can't stop at one beer. If I have the first beer and I don't enjoy it I drink it faster because I know that by the 3rd or 4th beer I will enjoy it. I get in extreme moods. Sometimes I hug everyone, and tell them how wonderful they are and am constantly inviting people over for BBQs - I don't even own a bbq! Sometimes I get surly. I think everyone is stupid, so I sit with my arms crossed and glare at everyone. I think I am so much smarter than them and don't agree with anything they say. When I try to tell them my opinion (which I believe to be the only one that matters) I slur my words and can't say anything properly. They laugh at me, good natured laughs, but I sit there and stew in my mood and think up all these elaborate plans to get even.
When I drink I take on this stupid morally superior attitude - I act like I'm wise and old and know better than everyone else. This leads me to slouch in my chair drunkenly lecturing anyone who sits too clsoe to me about what I've learnt from the world, and why it's really important to stay in school.
When I drink people switch off from me. I can sit there watching everything from these paranoid eyes and see the way people are looking at me and I know what I must look like to them, I know that my eyes are red and watery, and that I can't form words correctly. I know this but I hate them for it. I have so much hate when I drink.
I cannot drink tonight.
Share with me, I am feeling vulnerable and need to be reminded why I CAN'T drink - why I can't have "just one".
When I drink I take on this stupid morally superior attitude - I act like I'm wise and old and know better than everyone else. This leads me to slouch in my chair drunkenly lecturing anyone who sits too clsoe to me about what I've learnt from the world, and why it's really important to stay in school.
When I drink people switch off from me. I can sit there watching everything from these paranoid eyes and see the way people are looking at me and I know what I must look like to them, I know that my eyes are red and watery, and that I can't form words correctly. I know this but I hate them for it. I have so much hate when I drink.
I cannot drink tonight.
Share with me, I am feeling vulnerable and need to be reminded why I CAN'T drink - why I can't have "just one".
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
because we never stop at the 3rd or 4th....
and I can't count how often I found myself waking up on Saturday morning, sometimes embarrassed, with large bits of Friday night missing...
you can do it FD
D
and I can't count how often I found myself waking up on Saturday morning, sometimes embarrassed, with large bits of Friday night missing...
you can do it FD
D
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Well I dont drink. I think everyone has that arrogant attitude when using though.
Its just how addiction is.
I know when I get high. I believe I am so itelligent and start rambling about nonsense. Like I have been possessed by einstein or something.
And I know it all. I will tell a dealer how to deal..a smoker how to smoke..Everyone everything. I know the right way to do everything.
LOL..Funny when I think about myself high.
But then if I am by myself..I get all paranoid and think the cops are coming..Or that the neighbors are watching my house. My family all know and are about to knock on the door any minute.
I do some really stupis stuff when I am high.
My biggest thing is bugs. I am on high alert for any and all bugs.
I had xmas presents brought from Florida to me one time and swore a palmetto bug stowed away. I just stared at the boxes of presents waiting for that little bug to come crawling out.
I mean seriously..Give me a break.
Cant drive high..Swear to God the car is over heating..or I have a flat or the wheel is coming loose. Friggin insanity.
That why I cant get high anymore. I get headaches for days from this crap.
When Coming down..I swear I hear people breakin in my house and they are going to hurt my grams. I listen so hard to see if Ihear epople talking or a window opening..footsteps..Or my grams yelling for me.
True friggin insanity.
And to keep doing it over and over. And paying all that money to be like that is just ridiculous.
I got a million reasons NoT to get high anymore. Cant think of ONE reason to keep doing it.
Its just how addiction is.
I know when I get high. I believe I am so itelligent and start rambling about nonsense. Like I have been possessed by einstein or something.
And I know it all. I will tell a dealer how to deal..a smoker how to smoke..Everyone everything. I know the right way to do everything.
LOL..Funny when I think about myself high.
But then if I am by myself..I get all paranoid and think the cops are coming..Or that the neighbors are watching my house. My family all know and are about to knock on the door any minute.
I do some really stupis stuff when I am high.
My biggest thing is bugs. I am on high alert for any and all bugs.
I had xmas presents brought from Florida to me one time and swore a palmetto bug stowed away. I just stared at the boxes of presents waiting for that little bug to come crawling out.
I mean seriously..Give me a break.
Cant drive high..Swear to God the car is over heating..or I have a flat or the wheel is coming loose. Friggin insanity.
That why I cant get high anymore. I get headaches for days from this crap.
When Coming down..I swear I hear people breakin in my house and they are going to hurt my grams. I listen so hard to see if Ihear epople talking or a window opening..footsteps..Or my grams yelling for me.
True friggin insanity.
And to keep doing it over and over. And paying all that money to be like that is just ridiculous.
I got a million reasons NoT to get high anymore. Cant think of ONE reason to keep doing it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
You just answered your own question-the reason you can't drink?-:
That's why you can't drink.Neither can I.And while you may still experience some 'happy times' drinking?(at the 4th or 5th beer?) you also said here how it progresses-to you being surly and opinionated and argumentative.Then comes the shame of the next morning, blank patches, wondering what you did/said-who you p*ssed off.....Is that enough?
I'm not being harsh here btw-hell-I remember this so clearly.It's what I did too.but what you'll find-if you keep doing this?Is that while you're drinking 5 beers to get to the 'happy feeling'?Eventually?It never comes.You get so bad that you go straight from the craving to drink-to chugging down drinks-to misery -and you bypass the 'happy bit' altogether.And it's one version of hell my friend.I'm telling you.Because your alkie mind will keep telling you to chase that elusive high/reprieve-but by that time?You're so addicted it just never happens.No matter what.All that's happening is you are slowly killing yourself for a lie of a promise of fleeting reprieve from life.It will always be a lie.It never changes.
I'm sorry if this sounds a bit blunt.But I just know it to be true for me.Alcohol promises much-but never delivers.Not once, when we're in it's claws.Remember all the remorse?Guilt?Sadness after drinking?That's the truth of it.
Hang in there.Don't give in.You are fighting for your life here.You're worth it too.
Just don't pick up.the first one will never be enough and you know it.
Julesxox
Originally Posted by ForeverDecember 
I can't stop at one beer.
I'm not being harsh here btw-hell-I remember this so clearly.It's what I did too.but what you'll find-if you keep doing this?Is that while you're drinking 5 beers to get to the 'happy feeling'?Eventually?It never comes.You get so bad that you go straight from the craving to drink-to chugging down drinks-to misery -and you bypass the 'happy bit' altogether.And it's one version of hell my friend.I'm telling you.Because your alkie mind will keep telling you to chase that elusive high/reprieve-but by that time?You're so addicted it just never happens.No matter what.All that's happening is you are slowly killing yourself for a lie of a promise of fleeting reprieve from life.It will always be a lie.It never changes.
I'm sorry if this sounds a bit blunt.But I just know it to be true for me.Alcohol promises much-but never delivers.Not once, when we're in it's claws.Remember all the remorse?Guilt?Sadness after drinking?That's the truth of it.
Hang in there.Don't give in.You are fighting for your life here.You're worth it too.
Just don't pick up.the first one will never be enough and you know it.
Julesxox
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Good point Jules...I forgot about the not having the happy part anymore.
Thats what has been my experiences for a few years now.
It just isnt like it was. No fun anymore.
Its just using to quiet the beast and strait miserable from there on out.
So if you know you cant stop at one..dont drink that one. Thats what they mean I think when they say one is too many and a thousand is never enough.
Thats what has been my experiences for a few years now.
It just isnt like it was. No fun anymore.
Its just using to quiet the beast and strait miserable from there on out.
So if you know you cant stop at one..dont drink that one. Thats what they mean I think when they say one is too many and a thousand is never enough.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Originally Posted by chiynita
Good point Jules...I forgot about the not having the happy part anymore..
I think it's half the battle-knowing that will never be there for us again.And-it's good to know that now.Really.
xox
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Well... When I'm in that situation, I turn the question around. I've stopped asking myself why I can't have just one... Instead I ask myself why would I want one in the first place? What will it give me? And i'll usually come up with a few reasons, and that gives me some perspective. The usual answer is: I'll get nothing out of it, not really, and the reasons are always fancy excuses.
You mentioned a few reasons to stay away from the booze ... Why would you want to feel crabby/surly/paranoid? In fact, you said it yourself. You feel like you have to get the first couple of drinks over with as soon as possible, only to find yourself immersed in hatred after a while. Do you think that drinking is worth the effort?
You mentioned a few reasons to stay away from the booze ... Why would you want to feel crabby/surly/paranoid? In fact, you said it yourself. You feel like you have to get the first couple of drinks over with as soon as possible, only to find yourself immersed in hatred after a while. Do you think that drinking is worth the effort?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Eight minutes. Absolutely, eight minutes....every single relapse these last few years has resulted in about eight minutes of feeling ok. What a horrible, awful way to seek a few minutes of feeling some peace.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,777
I don't think I'd call it The Rat of Addiction cause I've had rats for pets and they're clean and loving and smart - and my alcohol addiction is none of those things. Maybe it's the "sewer rat" of addiction!
For me, just knowing that drinking can never again deliver the good feeling it once did. Now all it can bring is more misery, and I have enough misery sober as it is, and don't want to bring more misery on myself.
I now play the tape thru to the end when a craving happens. I go right to the end result: misery, shame, remorse, guilt, sickness, and all the other bad things that come with drinking. My addiction can no longer fool me into thinking that I'll have fun "this time" cause I know I won't. Every time alcohol tells me what it can do for me I remind myself of what it's already and always done to me. And I don't want that anymore.
:ghug2
For me, just knowing that drinking can never again deliver the good feeling it once did. Now all it can bring is more misery, and I have enough misery sober as it is, and don't want to bring more misery on myself.
I now play the tape thru to the end when a craving happens. I go right to the end result: misery, shame, remorse, guilt, sickness, and all the other bad things that come with drinking. My addiction can no longer fool me into thinking that I'll have fun "this time" cause I know I won't. Every time alcohol tells me what it can do for me I remind myself of what it's already and always done to me. And I don't want that anymore.
:ghug2
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
I wrote down on a legal pad all the things small and large I had done while I was drinking and it was shocking. I had it on my fridge for awhile but took it down when it was no longer helpful. I was really shocked to see some of the things on there. Things that I had forgotten about. It's just not who I am. It's who I become when I drink excessively. I will always end up drinking too much eventually. I really dislike that person. I like knowing I never have to be that person again if I don't want to be. If I don't drink.
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