ehc0000

I really need advice. I am a 32 year old mother of a 4 year old boy and I am pretty sure my husband is an alcoholic. He is not you're typical alcoholic, though, he is even nicer when he is drunk. The problem is he will drink until he cannot function anymore. It is truly embarrasing when we go to parties or dinner with friends. I have started going out alone and getting so angry at him. A couple of years ago when my son was born, I threatned to leave him because I did not want my son to see him drink like that (he is a binge drinker and if there are 24 beers in the fridge, he will drink every one until they are gone). He agreed to not drink during the week. For the most part he has stuck to that, but Friday at 4 pm he starts drinking and doesn't stop until late sunday evening. I can't take it anymore. we can't do anything as a family unless he can drink while we do it, and refuses to go to outings unless he will be able to drink. he is not mean, violent, or rude, he just gets extremely talkative, unstable, and OBVIOUSLY drunk. i have found myself hiding him from friends and neighbors because i am embarrased. i am falling out of love with him,and i think he is with me because I nag about it all the time. he is a great dad and for the most part tries to be a great husband. he goes to work every day and makes a good living. am I asking too much? is his problem in my head? i can't keep living like this! any suggestions?

CarolD

....Welcome to SR!

The best advice I can give is to find a local
Al anon meeting and start attending.

It's for the Friends and Family of drinkers.

I also suggest you click on the link below
and read the sticky post at the top.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/

Blessings to the 3 of you....

353

Welcome to the SR forum ech0000,

Does anyone else in your family see reason for concern?

I have a friend in AA who was confronted by his family and forced into treatment and has found a new life. I'm not saying intervention is the answer but it may help.

My advice for you personally is to attend al-anon. The people there can give you support and describe exactly what you're up against, what to expect, what steps you may take etc.

This must be a lonely place for you now, I will pray for you.

Peace to You

TorontoGuy28

ehc0000, thanks for your post. Glad you're.

Your husband sounds a lot like me in many ways. I too am a great guy, nice, funny, great friend etc. but like him, if there is booze around, I'll drink it all, no matter what.

Anyway, he has to admitt that he has a drinking problem. I did, am now attending AA meetings and things are great. Note, that I wasn't violent, mean, hurtufll when drunk.. I was more of a happy-go-lucky drunk, who bought people rounds etc.. HOWEVER, at the end of the night, I was so loaded, I could not speak or even remember my home address while grabbing a taxi.

You are not asking for too much at all. My wife deserves better than a drunk all weekend. So do you.

Keep posting.

mle-sober

Forgive me but what you describe is not a great dad nor is it a great husband. Is all you want out of a father and husband is that he goes to work every day and makes a good living?

You are not asking too much.

And like others have said, Al anon is the place to go. I'm sure they have good advice and similar experiences that can help.

When I got sober, the one thing my husband didn't realize (never really has) is that I was suffering too. He was suffering but so was I. He seemed to think it was me trying to make him miserable. The truth was I was desperate to stop and terribly sick and completely filled with self-loathing. Maybe if you can tap into that part of your husband, you can motivate him to get help?

I doubt sincerely he truly believes that being a good provider constitutes being a good father and spouse.

And maybe if you can't motivate him to get help for his alcoholism, you can find a way to get him to attend couples couseling. A lot of times, this issue will find its way to the surface through marriage therapy.

Good luck and stick to what you know inside to be true. This is not the way you want your child(ren) to grow up. You don't have to apologize for wanting a better life and for refusing to accomodate an alcoholic. Accomdating, making excuses, refusing to demand more -- that's called enabling.

Hang in there.

Majamama

I really feel for you...
I am 6 days sober. I have been a very high-functioning alcoholic for about 10 years. I have a 2 year old son. I've had long periods of sobriety. Then after awhile I'd return to weekends of binge drinking. This time, I fell back into my old ways after I weaned my son from breastfeeding. In the maybe 6+ months that I've rekindled my relationship with alcohol, I have slowly come to realize that I cannot be a good mother and a good drinker at the same time. I have committed myself to giving up my drunken Friday and Saturday nights before things get ugly. (In my history, these past months are minor compared to some of my other self-destructive drinking behavior, before motherhood.)
My husband cannot and will not commit himself to sobriety. Tonight was the third night this week that he has been drunk. If there is alcohol in the house, he drinks it. We have never been able and never will be able to keep extra beer or wine in the pantry for guests or parties. If he buys an 18 pack of beer on Friday night, it'll be gone before Friday morning. I'm no saint, but I'd maybe consume 3 or 4, and he'd polish off the rest. He'll also walk to the store at 2 or 3 am for more alcohol and maybe cigarettes. I know this is long-winded, but I know how frustrated you feel. My husband is nicer after he drinks. He is happier. The day after sucks, when he yells at our son (who wants to play and get his attention) to be quiet. My husband's hangovers and sleeping it off, lead to chronic weekend neglect of our son. I'll hit the sack at 10 or 11, only to find our back porch strewn with beer cans and empty liquor or wine bottles. It's so embarrasing - I clean up so quickly because I don't want the neighbors to see.
He gets so drunk at family parties, I try to get him home early before he does something crazy. Once, when he didn't want to come home with me I threatened to leave him at a party at his cousin's house. I went through with it and left him. He walked home 15 miles, in January, in freezing cold weather. His cousin flipped out and told him to stop. Has he? NO. I can't tell him to stop because I am working on myself. You are in a tough situation, I know it well.
Sorry for rambling. All the best wishes for you.

parentrecovers

hey ech0000, welcome. i am the mom of an alcoholic, and i also lived with an alcoholic man for several years - it's not easy, i understand.

alanon meetings really help me.

and please don't be embarrassed about your husband's problem - you didn't cause it. find ways to take care of YOURSELF and your child.

hugs, k