Trapped in Pain!!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 57
Trapped in Pain!!!!!
HI
I am new to this forum and I was so grateful to have found it in the internet. I do not even know where to begin. I guess I will start by saying that I dated my drug addict/alcoholic boyfriendfor 3 yrs. I broke it off finally after enduring so much pain and betrayal. It is now months later and I still have nightmares, during the day I have thoughts of all the lies, other women, and abuse etc….entering my mind and consuming nearly half my day. I am going nuts with this……… I do not know how to let this pain go! I never experienced anything like this, I was not even this crushed by my divorce……
He still has the nerve to contact me harassing me begging me to come back after I ended it. Calls, emails, letters etc…telling me that he love me more then anyone, want to marry me, kids etc….. Only for me to find out in our last conversation that he never intended to do any of those things. ALL LIES!!!! He makes me sick and to think I really love this man at one time, I really thought he was the one…I NEVER CRIED SO MUCH OVER A MAN. I feel trapped in my mind now over all the wrong he did to me.
He is so convincing a master MANIPULATOR! After many fights and nasty words, telling him to get out of my life it has been about a month since any contact. I know I will never go back to him but my life is so crippled now. I never saw myself as a weak person. I have encountered many traumas in my life but nothing that made me feel this bad or worthless. I do not want to date; I do not want to really do anything. I feel lost, scared and alone. I hate that another person left this damage in my sole. All I read tells me to forgive and move on. Well I have tried so many things and nothing heals my pain. Will it ever end? I have never been the one to hate another person. It just makes me sick that he thinks he can treat people anyway he wants to, date several of us at one time; make all kinds of promises, who does he think he is? Then he blames it all on his disease, it make him do these things…..In the beginning I did believe it might have. Now I think he knows exactly what he does….. Disease or not!!!!! He had all the chances in the world to get sober, he went to Hazelton for God’s sake and he still drinks. Nevertheless, I know it is about me and not him. He took enough from me I just wish my mind and heart would let it go... Help
I am new to this forum and I was so grateful to have found it in the internet. I do not even know where to begin. I guess I will start by saying that I dated my drug addict/alcoholic boyfriendfor 3 yrs. I broke it off finally after enduring so much pain and betrayal. It is now months later and I still have nightmares, during the day I have thoughts of all the lies, other women, and abuse etc….entering my mind and consuming nearly half my day. I am going nuts with this……… I do not know how to let this pain go! I never experienced anything like this, I was not even this crushed by my divorce……
He still has the nerve to contact me harassing me begging me to come back after I ended it. Calls, emails, letters etc…telling me that he love me more then anyone, want to marry me, kids etc….. Only for me to find out in our last conversation that he never intended to do any of those things. ALL LIES!!!! He makes me sick and to think I really love this man at one time, I really thought he was the one…I NEVER CRIED SO MUCH OVER A MAN. I feel trapped in my mind now over all the wrong he did to me.
He is so convincing a master MANIPULATOR! After many fights and nasty words, telling him to get out of my life it has been about a month since any contact. I know I will never go back to him but my life is so crippled now. I never saw myself as a weak person. I have encountered many traumas in my life but nothing that made me feel this bad or worthless. I do not want to date; I do not want to really do anything. I feel lost, scared and alone. I hate that another person left this damage in my sole. All I read tells me to forgive and move on. Well I have tried so many things and nothing heals my pain. Will it ever end? I have never been the one to hate another person. It just makes me sick that he thinks he can treat people anyway he wants to, date several of us at one time; make all kinds of promises, who does he think he is? Then he blames it all on his disease, it make him do these things…..In the beginning I did believe it might have. Now I think he knows exactly what he does….. Disease or not!!!!! He had all the chances in the world to get sober, he went to Hazelton for God’s sake and he still drinks. Nevertheless, I know it is about me and not him. He took enough from me I just wish my mind and heart would let it go... Help
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 48
Babyo622 let me ask you something, what exactly is causing the pain...like deep down beyond the actually act what do you keep thinking of the lies, the betrayal this and that but how do you feel when you think about these.....
The reason I ask is there are so many times when i sit anxiously, painfully, wanting to hide away sometimes about an act,event, something my addict has done to me and I really have to dig deep and find out what is causing that fear within me....
My wishes/prayers go out to you......
The reason I ask is there are so many times when i sit anxiously, painfully, wanting to hide away sometimes about an act,event, something my addict has done to me and I really have to dig deep and find out what is causing that fear within me....
My wishes/prayers go out to you......
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
Babyo,
Welcome to SR. Please read the posts and stickies (at the top,) it has all helped me.
I am the mother of an addict son. I'm sure there will be others along shortly with more experience with addicted significant others. But as a loved one of an addict, I would encourage you to focus on you, communicate with others here at SR and attend Nar-Anon (or Al-Anon.)
Welcome to SR. Please read the posts and stickies (at the top,) it has all helped me.
I am the mother of an addict son. I'm sure there will be others along shortly with more experience with addicted significant others. But as a loved one of an addict, I would encourage you to focus on you, communicate with others here at SR and attend Nar-Anon (or Al-Anon.)
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