Feelings?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: OR
Posts: 18
Feelings?
Hi all,
I just can't kick the feelings. Just how do you let the feelings go when H walks in the door with his weekend supply? I just feel so upset about it all weekend. He wonders what is wrong with me. Or why I don't want to you know what, after he has had his share. If I talk about it, it just makes him more mad. Sometimes if he has had a night out with the guys and if paying for it the next day. I can slip in a few words. You know, I'm worried about you , or I'm concerned about your drinking. Then maybe he will take the next weekend off from drinking. But, usually he can wake up with no hang over so it doesn't impact him as much.
I just wish I could over look what I see and go on loving him and having a wonderful weekend! I did try and take one day at a time. Which has made a difference and has helped the worrying. But, I have just come to the point to hate the sight of that beer in my house!!! I just love him so much and hate to see this hurt our relationship. He is a wonderful father and H. Do I just wait it out until he sees what he is doing every weekend? Or How do I let out how I feel without him getting all affended from it and it just causes more problems? Usually, I have just waited it out and then he will say, "I need to go on a beer diet.", or he will say I need to quit for awhile and he will. Do I just keep waiting?
Thanks for listening. Snoopy
Do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself!
I just can't kick the feelings. Just how do you let the feelings go when H walks in the door with his weekend supply? I just feel so upset about it all weekend. He wonders what is wrong with me. Or why I don't want to you know what, after he has had his share. If I talk about it, it just makes him more mad. Sometimes if he has had a night out with the guys and if paying for it the next day. I can slip in a few words. You know, I'm worried about you , or I'm concerned about your drinking. Then maybe he will take the next weekend off from drinking. But, usually he can wake up with no hang over so it doesn't impact him as much.
I just wish I could over look what I see and go on loving him and having a wonderful weekend! I did try and take one day at a time. Which has made a difference and has helped the worrying. But, I have just come to the point to hate the sight of that beer in my house!!! I just love him so much and hate to see this hurt our relationship. He is a wonderful father and H. Do I just wait it out until he sees what he is doing every weekend? Or How do I let out how I feel without him getting all affended from it and it just causes more problems? Usually, I have just waited it out and then he will say, "I need to go on a beer diet.", or he will say I need to quit for awhile and he will. Do I just keep waiting?
Thanks for listening. Snoopy
Do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself!
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Southern Maryland
Posts: 169
everyone has their limits .........
Everyone has various levels of dealing with/not dealing with an alcoholic. We start out confused, then we realize what is going on, then we use "coping techniques" like detaching to lessen the impact of their chaos in our lives.
Everyones situation is different -- some A's are easier to tolerate than others.
But, living under the same roof with active alcoholism never gets to the point where there is no pain. (IMHO) You can survive living with them, but I don't think it's really possible to thrive.
Sounds like you've just acknowledged that the beer bothers you more than you previously admited to yourself. I know how you feel - if I so much as see the brand of beer that my A drank in the store aisle, I get a knot in my stomach.
If you "keep waiting", you may be waiting for something that never happens.... he may never seriously address your concerns.
He's giving you an unspoken choice "Be with me as I am or go do something else and leave me alone". Truth is, his drinking is none of your business.
It is difficult at first, but you need to find people and things to do which give you joy. Listen to music, visit friends, take up a sport. There are some problems you can't fix, put your energy into what you can improve - which is your own life.
Don't wait! Life is short.
Everyones situation is different -- some A's are easier to tolerate than others.
But, living under the same roof with active alcoholism never gets to the point where there is no pain. (IMHO) You can survive living with them, but I don't think it's really possible to thrive.
Sounds like you've just acknowledged that the beer bothers you more than you previously admited to yourself. I know how you feel - if I so much as see the brand of beer that my A drank in the store aisle, I get a knot in my stomach.
If you "keep waiting", you may be waiting for something that never happens.... he may never seriously address your concerns.
He's giving you an unspoken choice "Be with me as I am or go do something else and leave me alone". Truth is, his drinking is none of your business.
It is difficult at first, but you need to find people and things to do which give you joy. Listen to music, visit friends, take up a sport. There are some problems you can't fix, put your energy into what you can improve - which is your own life.
Don't wait! Life is short.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Sask.
Posts: 64
I, too, know that feeling. Setting boundaries has helped. I'm not sure when my A quit drinking at home but it just happened. It must have been our conversations when I said I can't stand being around him when he is drinking. I haven't seen him with a drink in his hand in a long, long time. He no longer drinks at home but sure comes home drunk alot. He also knows that I will not sleep with him when he is drunk and he hasn't crossed that boundary either. You only have to say it once and leave the room, they may get mad but they usually know.
Summer
Summer
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: OR
Posts: 18
Well, I have said, that I hate it when he drinks and that I can't stand to see him drink. One time, I even said I was not going to go camping with him anymore because he was a jerk. I also said I would not go out with him anymore with our friends because of it. That is when he would take the next weekend or so off from drinking.
It use to be that he would stay out with friends and not come home or a friend would drop him off in the middle of the night. Now, he doesn't hang out with friends as much and just does it at home. I think , I know he knows he has a problem and thinks he is controlling it by just weekends. It was just a 6pack for the weekend then maybe just friday night, and now it is usually both nights and more than a six pack. I just really want him to see what he is doing to himself and the family. I just keep praying that he will see it and quit. I keep telling myself, Let go and Let God! Its just really hard sometimes. thanks for your reply , Snoopy
It use to be that he would stay out with friends and not come home or a friend would drop him off in the middle of the night. Now, he doesn't hang out with friends as much and just does it at home. I think , I know he knows he has a problem and thinks he is controlling it by just weekends. It was just a 6pack for the weekend then maybe just friday night, and now it is usually both nights and more than a six pack. I just really want him to see what he is doing to himself and the family. I just keep praying that he will see it and quit. I keep telling myself, Let go and Let God! Its just really hard sometimes. thanks for your reply , Snoopy
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Cincinnati Ohio
Posts: 94
((((Snoopy)))) Thanks for sharing. One time when my husband was sitting at his desk I took a bottle of Scotch and poured it all over myself and said, "Does this make you love me?" Well, he looked at me as though I were "off my rocker" and I think I WAS! At any rate, it's pretty much a big waste of time to even think about what they are drinking or even doing. I finally just made a life for myself - left on trips - even got a motel room one time just to study for my exams. I found friends and people I enjoyed being around - even dated (wouldn't recommend it), but I figured if his LOVE was the alcohol, he sure didn't love me! I knew I wasn't first on his list, period! And, I lost respect for myself and him even more so.
So, after many years of this ongoing nonsense and sadness and grief, he died - not of alcoholism because he stopped drinking - but of lung cancer from smoking. I look back on my life and I'm so glad I did fun things for myself. I went out, I got my massage, I kept myself looking good, dressed nicely, kept my art studio, painted, worked in politics. I kept doing something that I enjoyed doing. My attitude was "catch me if you can"! And, I do think AlAnon helped me a great deal. I read Toby's "Getting Them Sober" until the pages turned yellow and the corners were shredded. I still love Toby's book and am so HAPPY
that there is a place where we can share our concerns and love for each other. Love yourself, breathe life back into your soul! Let go, let go, let go . . . LET GOD (it's his job - after all is said and done).
So, after many years of this ongoing nonsense and sadness and grief, he died - not of alcoholism because he stopped drinking - but of lung cancer from smoking. I look back on my life and I'm so glad I did fun things for myself. I went out, I got my massage, I kept myself looking good, dressed nicely, kept my art studio, painted, worked in politics. I kept doing something that I enjoyed doing. My attitude was "catch me if you can"! And, I do think AlAnon helped me a great deal. I read Toby's "Getting Them Sober" until the pages turned yellow and the corners were shredded. I still love Toby's book and am so HAPPY
that there is a place where we can share our concerns and love for each other. Love yourself, breathe life back into your soul! Let go, let go, let go . . . LET GOD (it's his job - after all is said and done).
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