Still Srtuggeling
mommyof2
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: wv, saint albans
Posts: 23
Still Srtuggeling
Today is a bit of a down day. Still having dreams that leave me feeling icky. Still missing my friends I used with. Still feeling like defending them when people pass judgement and tell me to stay away. I know what I am supposed to do to stay sober and I feel so horrible sometimes, like I'm ditching them or something. But I just deal with it because I have a lot of repair work to do with my own family and with myself.
This disease is just all around me. I lost a good friend of mine to suicide. He was drunk when he did it. I had seen him only 4 days before and I still regret not picking up on something, anything I could have said or done.
A girl I knew when I was young died a couple of years ago. She and her boyfriend were on crack and faught all the time. This led to the boyfriend making a suicide attempt by turning the gas on in thier aprt. and when she came home I guess she or he lit a cig or something because they both literally blew up and died 2 days later in a burn unit. They left behind thier little girl who is now bieng raised by my (used to be) aunt. She has many demons of her own. My "drug" friend is her other granny and I guess that is why I feel so bad not speaking to her. God I miss them.
My uncle who is an alcoholic asked me to find him some ecstacy last night and always tells me you can drink, I wont say anything. I do not want to take him up on his offer or anything it just makes things that much more wierd.
My dad is also an alcoholic and is sober again but he is very bipolar and ocd so he keeps telling me he doesnt need meds only God. I agree with needing God but his behavoir is still that of a sick person. He has relapsed so many times throug out my life time. He sill difficult for me to be around at times. It's like he is a prisoner of his own mind. I just worry about him.
I have a counslers app. today, thank God. Thanks for listening.
This disease is just all around me. I lost a good friend of mine to suicide. He was drunk when he did it. I had seen him only 4 days before and I still regret not picking up on something, anything I could have said or done.
A girl I knew when I was young died a couple of years ago. She and her boyfriend were on crack and faught all the time. This led to the boyfriend making a suicide attempt by turning the gas on in thier aprt. and when she came home I guess she or he lit a cig or something because they both literally blew up and died 2 days later in a burn unit. They left behind thier little girl who is now bieng raised by my (used to be) aunt. She has many demons of her own. My "drug" friend is her other granny and I guess that is why I feel so bad not speaking to her. God I miss them.
My uncle who is an alcoholic asked me to find him some ecstacy last night and always tells me you can drink, I wont say anything. I do not want to take him up on his offer or anything it just makes things that much more wierd.
My dad is also an alcoholic and is sober again but he is very bipolar and ocd so he keeps telling me he doesnt need meds only God. I agree with needing God but his behavoir is still that of a sick person. He has relapsed so many times throug out my life time. He sill difficult for me to be around at times. It's like he is a prisoner of his own mind. I just worry about him.
I have a counslers app. today, thank God. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 300
It sure sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Have you ever thought, for your own well being, that you might want to distance yourself from some of your friends and family members who still use? I don't think that means not being there for them in any capacity, but it definitely means setting your personal boundaries (i.e., letting the uncle know you will absolutely not get him drugs for one). The scary thing about continuing to interact closely with people who abuse drugs and/or alcohol is that it makes us more likely to justify our own addictions.
I humbly suggest that the best thing you can do to honor the memory of your friends is to stay sober. This will probably mean distancing yourself from unhealthy influences. I don't think you should feel the least bit bad about it, either. You should look out for your own well being first so that you can be a better friend and relative to the people you care about. I wish you lots of luck.
FD
I humbly suggest that the best thing you can do to honor the memory of your friends is to stay sober. This will probably mean distancing yourself from unhealthy influences. I don't think you should feel the least bit bad about it, either. You should look out for your own well being first so that you can be a better friend and relative to the people you care about. I wish you lots of luck.
FD
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Providence RI
Posts: 53
hi grantstrength1, I too knew someone who committed suicide while drunk, back when I was 14. I grew up in a small town and everyone found out pretty fast because it was a mutual friend who found him, and he was outside in a wooded area where we all used to party. I later knew another friend who committed suicide a couple years later. He too was drunk when it happened. I asked myself many times what I could have done or how I could have done something different.
They are sorely missed. But I will no longer drink to their memories. They did enough of that when they were alive, and I like to think that quitting drinking may honor their memories instead. Alcohol and drugs take lives everyday, and they do not help you when you are in pain (whether physical, mental, or both) they only make things worse.
Remember that you are you and you own the choices you make, you don't have to be like the people around you. You can have compassion toward your friends who still use, but only you know whether you can still hang out with them and not end up drinking and/or using. Be strong! Remember too that by quitting you are not only helping yourself but you are also serving as a role model to others in your life (maybe especially for those people you know who still drink/use). Some days are much much harder than others. Keep writing in for support. Take care sending good thoughts your way
They are sorely missed. But I will no longer drink to their memories. They did enough of that when they were alive, and I like to think that quitting drinking may honor their memories instead. Alcohol and drugs take lives everyday, and they do not help you when you are in pain (whether physical, mental, or both) they only make things worse.
Remember that you are you and you own the choices you make, you don't have to be like the people around you. You can have compassion toward your friends who still use, but only you know whether you can still hang out with them and not end up drinking and/or using. Be strong! Remember too that by quitting you are not only helping yourself but you are also serving as a role model to others in your life (maybe especially for those people you know who still drink/use). Some days are much much harder than others. Keep writing in for support. Take care sending good thoughts your way
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Raleigh NC
Posts: 100
I notice it says "mommy of 2" under your screen name. My best advice is to take care of yourself first so you can make sure they are taken care of. The other friends and family just need to take a back seat to the kids. I know you want the best for the kids and breaking out of this very tough circle you are in will make a world of difference IMO. God Bless!
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