chickenlady

I never thought in a million years that out of my other siblings, I would be the one that would be the alcoholic. I was the only successful child that would continue their education and be someone. Yet, I got the free ride to alcoholism. Imagine that! What a rip-off!! I am the child of an alcoholic father. I remember the childhood days clearly. I remember him not being there for my sweet 16. I remember him being at the local pub getting sh1tfaced. I remember him coming into my room at 3:00 a.m. when he finally got home, waking me up and giving me a red rose. I guess he thought that stinkin rose would smooth it all over. My dad was a nasty drunk; especially when he drank whiskey. I hated him on whiskey. His behaviour continued for years. I refused to bring my children around him if he was drinking. I didn't want them to have the memories of him that I have. To make a long story short, when he was 53, he took his own life, going to his grave "without a problem." I don't want to be like him, I have a problem and I am working like he11 to fix it. I hate that my children now have memories of my drunken performances. Showing up at their school functions half in the bag; thinking I was so cool. The list goes on; believe me! I am working daily to stay sober and give them a sober mom for as long as I'm in this world. I've promised them and myself they will never see me drunk again. Not easy, when your husband for years has critisized my drinking constantly even though he drank at the same time reguarly. He still drinks all the time. He goes out with 20 year old guys from work (he's 46) and gets drunk at least 4 times a week. Sure doesn't make it easy for me. Although I'm doing it. I try and talk with him as I feel he's been an alcoholic for at least 20 years. He says "life's too short and he's not changing." What do I do???? Keep going on with life. He also is a child of an alcoholic. His father as well, took his own life, blowing his head off with a shot gun; leaving others to clean up his selfish mess. I really want to "break the chain." I don't want any of my children being an alcoholic. Well, enough rambling! Chicken

GiveLove

chickenlady,

It must be hard to try hard to change your life, and have someone in your life who isn't. My sister was a heroin addict who went through detox/rehab four times, but each time she came home, she came home to her still-addicted, not-seeking-help husband. Not to say that he is responsible for her addiction -- only she is -- but I know it must be extremely hard to change a behavior when that behavior is all over your house all day and night.

You are focused on your own sobriety, which is the way it should be. You'll have to decide at some point whether you want to live with another alcoholic or not -- whether it serves you (in your search for a better life) or whether it gets in your way -- and make a choice. It may save your life to get away from him, but it's no guarantee. At the very least, though, you would be saving your kids from an alcoholic male role model.

Are you involved in AA? Any sort of ACoA counseling? Do you have help of any kind staying sober and setting a good example for your kids from this point on? If this marriage threatens to help drag you back down into drunkenness and mayhem.....it's worth considering whether you want to let it.

Good luck

Peter

Before I could look at my Acoa issues I first had to deal with my alcoholism. That took me four and a half years.

I did it with the help of AA. Making promises never kept me sober for very long despite how much a meant it.

Staying sober beside a drinking spouse is going to be extremely difficult. You are going to need the wisdom and guidance of a fellowship like AA to help you.

rawdeal

Another terribly dramatic life. I dont think you need to worry too much about your past behaviour in front of your kids, so long as you are adamant that you will be staying away from drink in the future. The memories will fade and if anything - you will be their hero for putting a stop to it. I know from experience. Best of luck.