TenaciousStar

Well, i'm 22 years old and am 68 days sober today. Okay :: sigh :: alot of people who have recently just got to know me keep bringing up something that I find "personal". I'm actually pretty self concious of it every since my counselors and a psychiatrist confronted me about it... I have problems with expressing emotion and feelings. I don't even express them or talk about them and when it looks like I am about to I just shut down. The only feeling I know I have is angry and i'm okay with that because it's comfortable other than that I am just blank. People tell me "Your not a robot" and I know that but I am left there thinking "Then why can't I feel things like you do?" I always hear people talk about how the hardest thing about being sober is coping with their feelings, I can't even relate. I am trying really hard to find out why I am the way I am but I think I have always been like this pretty much otherwise my family would of been pointing out the same thing my new friends are. People are even ending up hurt over me not expressing things and i'm so frustrated because I can try really hard but still end up with nothing and then it's like I have to lie to them about it. It's even starting to affect my recovery. I don't know what to do.

Room1

Welcome and congratulations on your 68 days, thats great!

I am not a doctor and I know we are not soposed to give or ask for medical advice, however reading your post reminds me of my daughter. She has something called Aspergers syndrome and as a result has problems with emotions and reading other peoples. If you have not heard of it maybe you could read about it and see if you think that might fit in with how you feel? Just a suggestion obviously, there could be lots of other reasons why you might feel the way you do

I hope you find some answers

take care

Sax

Dee74

Hi Tenacious

Struggling with expression is something I deal with too - I kept things in for a long time - I don't want to trample on Sax's aspergers idea, but its not uncommon for addicts to have expression problems. It's why many of us started drinking or using I think - to feel some kind of normal.

You seem to do pretty well here tho
I find know I find it much easier to write stuff anyway - maybe it'll be the same for you.
Anonymity helps too I think.

Anyway enough of my rambling - late here -
Hope you stick around - and welcome
D

RobbyRobot

Tenacious,

hi and welcome to the forums. i echo what Dee said here, and i too have no problem getting what you messaged in your post up top.

Keep posting, and congrats on your early sobriety, its soooo worth getting and staying sober, ya !!!

RR

Anna

Dee is absolutely right. A lot of us start self-medicating because we don't/can't allow ourselves to 'feel'. It's something that might take some time for you to deal with, but you can do it. Have you considered counselling?

Another option, is to try journalling. Make a decision to sit and write for 5 minutes every day. Just relax and write whatever comes into your mind. Give it a little while and hopefully you'll begin to see some emotions creeping out onto the pages.

TenaciousStar

Hey thanks to everyone who replied to this, your posts helped and it's nice to know i'm not the only one in the same boat after all. I'm seriously gonna start a blog/journal. Hopefully it gets somewhat easier! (:

CarolD

Good to see a new member....
Congratulations on your sober time.

Welcome to our recovery community

bostonluv

I have trouble with feelings also. They scare me. I'll think about crying or something and then something in my brain can just shut it down. It's almost like I'm afraid that once I start I won't be able to handle it or if I cry I won't be able to stop or maybe it just seems kind of pointless. I dunno. Just my two cents.

Ananda

When my anxiety level and fear of expressing my feeling gets too high...I shut down...and that isn't always a bad thing. But It is something i have to work on.

Don't let others bug you about it ... you are aware of it and are honestly looking at it. Give it time.

parentrecovers

welcome, and congrats on your sober time, tenacious. and remember - it's progress, not perfection.

keep reaching out and good for you for starting a blog/journal!

hugs, k

laurie6781

Tenacious, first, congrats on your sober time.

Ah yes, feelings, emotions, bleck!!!!! I can share with you that I was 18 months sober before I cried for the first time in sobriety.

I had buried all my feelings so deep for so long that it took me that long to start having to cope with anything but anger.

Please do not compare yourself with others. We all grow and change at our own rate, not on a timetable.

For you, you are right where you are suppose to be for now. Slowly little twinges will surface. Hopefully your sponsor has been where you are and can help you through this. It DOES GET BETTER in time!!!

Love and hugs,