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I realized I had a drinking problem when....

Old 08-02-2008, 01:13 PM
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I realized I had a drinking problem when....

Hopefully everyone will find this meaningfull, so I will start it off with a couple..

I realized I had a drinking problem when I watched intervention (on A/E TV), and I was drinking as much as the person receiving the intervention.

I realized I had a drinking problem when the last thing I remembered from the night before (blackout) was heading to another bar after I was denied service in another because I was already too drunk.

I have many more, however I will let you all add yours. I feel it helpfull to remind myself daily, where I have been, and more importantly where I am going back to if I start drinking again.

Tom
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Old 08-02-2008, 01:18 PM
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I realized I had a drinking problem before I even had one. I think I always knew I would be an alcoholic before it even happened. But once it did I denied I was that bad....
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Old 08-02-2008, 01:21 PM
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I realized i had a drug problem when i couldn't go to work without a wake up dose. Sad.
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Old 08-02-2008, 01:27 PM
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I realized I had a drinking problem when I picked up a copy of Caroline Knapp's book : Drinking, A Love Affair, read a few pages and was too scared to read any further because I could relate so much...

I realized I had a drinking problem when I felt the need to start hiding bottles and then panicked the next day when I couldn't remember where I had hidden them...
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Old 08-02-2008, 01:50 PM
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...when I went into a local liquor store, knocked over a display, and asked for my usual 100 proof vodka. The clerk refused to give it to me. He didn't speak very good English, but when I asked Why? I sure understood his answer: "Because you're drunk!" So I got in my car and drove to the next store on my list - had to spread out my "partronage" you know, just so no one would realize I was buying a bottle a day.

Then there was the time I broke into the liquor cabinets at the hotel where I was a trusted employee - pried them with a screwdriver because I was shaking so bad I couldn't get through the day. After that I decided it was much more convenient to just bring it to work & hide it in my office bathroom. Made perfect sense at the time.
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Old 08-02-2008, 02:10 PM
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I pretty much knew I always drank too much too often, but it took 32 years for the realization to hit home.

I had been attending Al-Anon meetings because my alcoholic husband had joined AA after we separated. In addition, I went to some AA meetings and was identifying somewhat with the speakers, so I decided to try to quit drinking. After the meetings, we used to stop at a diner for coffee. Sitting around the table one night, one of the group was describing a recent trip to Europe. A life-long dream had always been to travel through Europe...but, the thought occurred to me, "How can you travel through Ireland without drinking beer, Italy without drinking wine, France without drinking brandy?" I started to sob and said, "I should be feeling better since I quit drinking, but I'm feeling worse." All eyes turned to me as my nephew (a recovering alcoholic) asked, "How long has it been?" They realized I was going through withdrawal and got me into detox. That was twenty-eight years ago...and, I did take two trips to Europe in '93 and '96...sober!
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Old 08-02-2008, 02:28 PM
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[QUOTE=Hevyn;1856339So I got in my car and drove to the next store on my list - had to spread out my "partronage" you know, just so no one would realize I was buying a bottle a day. [/QUOTE]

I can relate to that. I went to 3 different stores to buy my booze. Sometime 2 in the same day. The sad thing is even with that, they probably thought I drank alot. If they only knew that was only 1/3rd of it.

:wtf2

Tom
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Old 08-02-2008, 02:41 PM
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Late October 2005....actually I realized it many many years before that, while I was trading away my life for booze.

But October 2005 was my moment of clarity.

The wife asked, "do you know what your son (9 at the time) was doing last night.

Me, "no" (she knew I didn't know, I wasn't home to know and I was far to hungover to point that out)

The wife, "he was across the street explaining to his friends where his dad was at"

I don't know why this crushed my ego, kind of like the straw that broke the camels back. It became quite clear that I was passing my shame and guilt onto him, teaching him to lie. I have no right to do that to him.

I have three older children, all in college and I put them through quite a bit. When my youngest son was born I saw a new chance to be the father I hadn't been. I abstained from alcohol for four years and he and I were very close.

During those four years of doing it myself I began to excersize my power over alcohol, hanging out with old friends looking for that missing ingredient to my happiness. I excersized my power over alcohol right up until the day I took a drink again. And my life came unravelled.

That afternoon in late October 2005 I became aware that I'll never be the person I want to be and use alcohol. Even after that day I had to try it a couple of more times, the pain was unbearable, the booze and drugs absolutely would not work anymore. November the 2nd 2005 I said "My name is Ron and I'm an alcoholic" and began a life of daily reprieve from alcohol.

Peace
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Old 08-02-2008, 02:47 PM
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after spending 8 weeks in the hospital because my bipolar flared up and I was so psychotic
I really couldn't tell what was real and what was a hallucination. Bipolar and a 1/5th a day don't mix
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Old 08-02-2008, 02:55 PM
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When I kept promising myself every morning in the shower at 7 that I wouldn't drink that day and then at 6 pm driving to the store to pick up my wine and/or brandy for the night. I couldn't get through a day without it. I felt defeated.
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Old 08-02-2008, 02:59 PM
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I Need The Reminder...............im Drinking Right Now And Al I Want To Do Is Get High. Ive Been Plotting All Day. When I Left My My Mom Earlier W\ Mkoney In Hand All That Was On My Mind Was Who To Call. That Was 2 Hours Ago. But......... Now..... 5 Beers Later It All Sounds Good.
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Old 08-02-2008, 03:10 PM
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Just To Let Ya Know.............. I Let Mom Keep My Money Cuz I Cant Be Trusted. But..... She Gives Me It When Ever I Ask. I Was In A Car Accident And Got A Ton Of Money But Put It In Her Name For Obviouse (spelled Wrong) Reasons. But She Keeps Giving Me What Ever I Ask For. Wtf. Of Coarse I Should Man Up And Tell On Myself But Hello Why Cant She Just Do It.;.................................if I Tell Her Im Done

God Knows What She Would Do If She Really Knew. I Know She Knows But As Long As Im Not Getting In Trouble Then Hey Whatever Right? She Knows My Life. I Dont Even Want To Ever Leave The House. Its Just Getting To The Point Where I Cant Deal With My Kids. They Stay With Dad For The Summer----sept Is Coming...... What Am I Going To Do??????????????????
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Old 08-02-2008, 03:34 PM
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When I got fired for not showing up one day
because I was too drunk to get dressed.....

...I was certainly passed being a problem drinker.
I was in an AA meeting at noon...
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Old 08-02-2008, 03:41 PM
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When I couldn't stop on my own.

I was at a meeting the next day.
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Old 08-02-2008, 10:54 PM
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when I would fill up my drink bottle with wine before going to school.
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Old 08-03-2008, 04:49 AM
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I knew I had a serious problem when I was drinking in the morning to stop the shakes. Also when I started hiding my wine bottles so my daughter wouldn't see them.
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Old 08-03-2008, 05:31 AM
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Went on a yachting flotilla holiday with my Dad and Step-Mum when I was 14 around the Adriatic coast of (the former) Yugoslavia. 13 boats that would meet up every night in a fishing town or idyllic deserted bay.

The night in question was a BBQ, a huge glass bowl of nasty fruit punch appeared under a cypress type tree but most of the adults wisely stuck to beer. I was allowed a couple of cups,the last thing I remember was a remarkable sunset.
Apparently after that I was sneaking more and more of this day-glo swill. Fell asleep for a while. Then my step-mum caught me with my head actually immersed in the stuff,drinking for all I was worth. Then I'm told I kicked off big style, thrashing violently on the ground like I was having a fit with my Dad restraining me whilst I shrieked obscenities and mumbo jumbo for over 1/2 hr, like something out of the exorcist except with an audience of around 30 frightened middle class holiday makers.
I was somehow returned to our yacht. In the morning I awoke and vomited whilst prone, straight upwards with inevitable consequences. SOMETHING BAD had happened but I didn't know what.

Soon found out.

Strangely my Father was soon relating this tale with relish to his barfly pals. I came to think it was rather cool myself, accepted that d*ckhead, Jim Morrison as an idol, began getting drunk as often as possible,thinking a drinking problem was the height of Bohemia and reflected my, oh so tortured, soul perfectly.

I had an impetus and chance to avert my life's course then. Didn't take it.
Got (yet) another now, I'm 35,I'm not mucking this one up.
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Old 08-03-2008, 06:59 AM
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I "suspected" I had a problem when I decided to stop drinking (after a really bad bender), and had terrible withdrawals and couldn't stay stopped for more than 3 days.

I also suspected I had a problem when I started turning down social engagements in order to stay home and drink alone.

I realized without a doubt that I had a problem when my body officially became addicted to alcohol and I couldn't go more than several hours without a drink. When I was forced to maintenance drink every few hours or so, the real horror of my situation hit home.
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Old 08-03-2008, 08:33 PM
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I probably always knew I had a problem, but one defining incident was at an office Christmas party a couple of years ago. There were bottles and bottles of wine there, and everybody was trying a bunch of different kinds. I actually thought I was doing pretty well at holding myself back until near the end of the party when I poured another glass and one of my coworkers said "you're still drinking??" It was so embarrassing.
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Old 08-03-2008, 09:05 PM
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My defining moment was the occasion of my first blackout. I woke up one morning and was confused to find my knees and legs covered in mud and mud all in the bed. I had NO recollection how I got in that shape. I sat there for a while just going through everything and coming up blank. Finally a very very vague sort of a ghost of a memory of me falling out of back of our trailer started coming into me but I wasn't sure so I asked my kids. They confirmed it. In our trailer if you turned right you went into the bathroom and if you turned left and unlocked the back door then you fell out the door onto the ground because there were no steps. Obviously I turned left and fell out.

That was an eyeopener to be sure but it was still a long time and many more blackouts, bad behaviors, calling off of work, trips to multiple liquor stores to avoid looking like an alcoholic, hiding, driving home on my lunch hour to have something to stop the shakes, driving to a liquor store on my lunch hour to stop the shakes, driving my kids to school drunk, drink in the face of major organ shutdown and many many other stupid things before I was low enough to actually do something about the drinking.

Good thread, thank you for starting it!
Kellye
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