A new member arrives.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: California
Posts: 8
A new member arrives.
Hello.
You may notice by my rather uninspiring member name that I am having trouble achieving any great thought on this morning of new direction.
I am certainly not a newcomer to the quest to live alcohol free. Over the past years I have had many attempts. Some were long stretches of amazing clarity and well being but blissfully ignorant of past lessons I would drink and fall back into a full blown or modified drinking regimen with ease.
I have been aware of my increasing inability to consume moderately for many years and have wanted to sever my bond with this substance permanently. But the alluring promise of drifting without cares continued to keep me in a tug of war with my inner sense of self.
The thought of never again immediately induces a chorus of inner dialogue within me.
But after another all to familiar night of painfully fitful sleep, nightmarish flashes of moments between consciousness and the struggle to reassemble what happened, I have come to this day.
This journey with alcohol leading the way has culminated in me lying, hiding, and ultimately loosing my own unique and special gift, me.
This unease is relentlessly calling me to end this now and forever.
It is my hope that by declaration and honest intent, I will now begin a new journey of enlightenment.
Alcohol has taught me all it had to teach. The long lesson learned it is now time to part ways.
I look forward with great hope in celebrating all that recovery can be with anyone who would like to share the journey.
You may notice by my rather uninspiring member name that I am having trouble achieving any great thought on this morning of new direction.
I am certainly not a newcomer to the quest to live alcohol free. Over the past years I have had many attempts. Some were long stretches of amazing clarity and well being but blissfully ignorant of past lessons I would drink and fall back into a full blown or modified drinking regimen with ease.
I have been aware of my increasing inability to consume moderately for many years and have wanted to sever my bond with this substance permanently. But the alluring promise of drifting without cares continued to keep me in a tug of war with my inner sense of self.
The thought of never again immediately induces a chorus of inner dialogue within me.
But after another all to familiar night of painfully fitful sleep, nightmarish flashes of moments between consciousness and the struggle to reassemble what happened, I have come to this day.
This journey with alcohol leading the way has culminated in me lying, hiding, and ultimately loosing my own unique and special gift, me.
This unease is relentlessly calling me to end this now and forever.
It is my hope that by declaration and honest intent, I will now begin a new journey of enlightenment.
Alcohol has taught me all it had to teach. The long lesson learned it is now time to part ways.
I look forward with great hope in celebrating all that recovery can be with anyone who would like to share the journey.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 217
Welcome and I hope your journey is full of happiness. There are many people on here struggling with the same demons you are struggling with. Everyone is here to help and support in any way. Be sure to check out the August club thread that flgirl just started this morning. This thread will be full of people trying to turn their life around in August. Myself I am a member of the July club and I pray it will stay that way. I have struggled with many relapses and now I pray I am on the right track.
.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Miamisburg, Ohio
Posts: 217
Welcome to SR August2,
Your post sounds oh so familiar, tried everything myself, including abstaining from alcohol, once for nearly 4 years. Thought I had "grown past my alcohol problem". But, I forgot, that's my problem.....I'm a forgetter.
Today I attend AA regularly (3 meetings per week), this helps me remember and it also gives me an outlet to try and help others by sharing my experience, strength and hope.
Turns out my sordid past of 30 years of drinking and drugging has become my greatest asset in recovery, if I choose it to be, if I can remember.
Congratulaions on your new direction august2. Awesome!!
Peace 2u
Your post sounds oh so familiar, tried everything myself, including abstaining from alcohol, once for nearly 4 years. Thought I had "grown past my alcohol problem". But, I forgot, that's my problem.....I'm a forgetter.
Today I attend AA regularly (3 meetings per week), this helps me remember and it also gives me an outlet to try and help others by sharing my experience, strength and hope.
Turns out my sordid past of 30 years of drinking and drugging has become my greatest asset in recovery, if I choose it to be, if I can remember.
Congratulaions on your new direction august2. Awesome!!
Peace 2u
Perfectly Flawed
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Republic of Yorkshire
Posts: 481
Very eloquently put, so much identification,
"But the alluring promise of drifting without cares continued to keep me in a tug of war with my inner sense of self."
Couldn't have summed myself up better.
Welcome August
"But the alluring promise of drifting without cares continued to keep me in a tug of war with my inner sense of self."
Couldn't have summed myself up better.
Welcome August
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: California
Posts: 8
Thank you for your warm welcome and thoughtful words of encouragement.
This is a very big forum and being new I would appreciate any guidance. It seems a bit overwhelming at first, but in time I hope to get to know you better.Just picking an avatar I had to hope I was not using one that another member was using.
Although now looking at these responses I see that Angelina243 has a similar sense of style.
It really is heart warming to have a place that is filled with people who understand this.
This is a very big forum and being new I would appreciate any guidance. It seems a bit overwhelming at first, but in time I hope to get to know you better.Just picking an avatar I had to hope I was not using one that another member was using.
Although now looking at these responses I see that Angelina243 has a similar sense of style.
It really is heart warming to have a place that is filled with people who understand this.
welcome
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Home
Posts: 56
Welcome August2!
There is a lot of good information in the Alcoholism Forum too. The sticky thread "Excerpts from Under the Influence" has some very interesting informtion if you want to read what alcohol does to our bodies.
There is a lot of good information in the Alcoholism Forum too. The sticky thread "Excerpts from Under the Influence" has some very interesting informtion if you want to read what alcohol does to our bodies.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,507
Welcome to your new life August. As Jig said, your post was eloquently put. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, they are mostly my own! The desire to anesthetize myself against the daily grind resulted in near death for me. I never wanted to die - just to feel happier, freer.....but I can no longer rely on my "friend" so see me through, as I've proven by totally tanking the last few years. I'm already the proud owner of 3 DUI's, (the arresting officer commented, "You're amazingly lucid for a person with a 3.2 bal"), health issues, lost relationships. Every day I remind myself how lucky I am to not be in jail for vehicular homicide. It sounds like you've stopped yourself before anything terrible can happen-congratulations. We will be with you on this journey. Love, Joanie
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Hi August,
My story is much like Joanie but I didn't get any DUI's. When I was admitted to the hospital for detox they were amazed that I had a BAL of 3.4 and was walking and talking as if I were sober.
It does sound like you are ready to begin the program of recovery how ever you choose to do. I went to AA and I do like it here at Sober Recovery now. I have been sober 20 years as of July 10, 2008.
kelsh
My story is much like Joanie but I didn't get any DUI's. When I was admitted to the hospital for detox they were amazed that I had a BAL of 3.4 and was walking and talking as if I were sober.
It does sound like you are ready to begin the program of recovery how ever you choose to do. I went to AA and I do like it here at Sober Recovery now. I have been sober 20 years as of July 10, 2008.
kelsh
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,746
Welcome to our international community of recovery! You are in the right place for company on the road to recovery! There are a lot of us on this road and the pleasant company and support offered is so helpful. It's helped keep me sober for 20 days now, the second longest sober time I've had since March 07.
If a chronic relapser like me can stay sober this long, so can anyone!
If a chronic relapser like me can stay sober this long, so can anyone!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: California
Posts: 8
Thank you all for the warm welcomes.
Well I have been reading quite a bit on the site and getting a feel for the community here.
There are a lot of very helpful and insightful posts that have illuminated my own situation.
My plan so far is to first get through the withdrawal by resting often, eating well and getting plenty of fluids. Vitamin supplements like B complex, GLA, fish oil for help in restoring balance and Valerian for the calming effect.
As I had mentioned I did have a fairly good stretch of not drinking some time back and these measures were helpful then. As my mind clears I will be reading and getting more knowledge about what has happened to me.
I unfortunately used these past three years as brief terms of non drinking between passages of drinking to obsess. I was not really trying recovery as much as I was floundering in the same old patterns I had adopted.
I am going to seek out fellowship by checking into some AA meeting in my area. I attended one a few months back that was not a good fit at all and instead of looking into others I took this one bad experience and wrote off the program.
I had been on another site for quite a while but became mired in the bickering, status building and nonsense there. I did find it helpful at first to journal my progress and I would like to do that here.
It has finally dawned on me that recovery is not just cutting out the substance. It is about rebuilding, growing and learning new ways to be in harmony with your life again.
That is my plan for right now. A fresh start.
Well I have been reading quite a bit on the site and getting a feel for the community here.
There are a lot of very helpful and insightful posts that have illuminated my own situation.
My plan so far is to first get through the withdrawal by resting often, eating well and getting plenty of fluids. Vitamin supplements like B complex, GLA, fish oil for help in restoring balance and Valerian for the calming effect.
As I had mentioned I did have a fairly good stretch of not drinking some time back and these measures were helpful then. As my mind clears I will be reading and getting more knowledge about what has happened to me.
I unfortunately used these past three years as brief terms of non drinking between passages of drinking to obsess. I was not really trying recovery as much as I was floundering in the same old patterns I had adopted.
I am going to seek out fellowship by checking into some AA meeting in my area. I attended one a few months back that was not a good fit at all and instead of looking into others I took this one bad experience and wrote off the program.
I had been on another site for quite a while but became mired in the bickering, status building and nonsense there. I did find it helpful at first to journal my progress and I would like to do that here.
It has finally dawned on me that recovery is not just cutting out the substance. It is about rebuilding, growing and learning new ways to be in harmony with your life again.
That is my plan for right now. A fresh start.
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