hadenoughnow

I was doing so well until tonight and I let the ex get under my skin big time tonight over the phone. He called our son while I was at the store and said he needed to talk to me when I got back in so I call and he acts like he has no idea why I am calling so it got off to a bad start right away with him insisting that he never said I should call (typical crazymaking crap). Then he gets angry because our son choose to stay at my sisters while I attend a wedding sat instead of staying with him (I have custody and he does not have first right of refusal) so I just tell him that is our son's choice (still doing good, I don't bring up the fact that his drinking is the reason) and I am not going to rearrange our entire weekend around him but he is welcome to see our son tomorrow night. Of course tomorrow night is "not good", so I drop that (no point in bringing up how his drinking interferes). Then he starts going on about did I take our son in for his braces yet and I am a bad mom because I am taking care of my own dental work (long neglected for the past 8 years) but not our sons, blah blah blah (my son is not in desperate need and has always had excellent dental care). Now I lose it and tell him that it is none of his business and that I neglected myself for years due to his problems with money.

He then proceeds to tell me that it was all in my head, he has no problems with money and that I must have been spending all of it cause he has plenty now!!!!!! (um yeah because he HAS to work now, something he didn't do when we were together). I really lose it and stupidly tell him that I know that he borrowed more money from his 401k (I know this because he refuses to stop using our old joint account) and lets have this discussion again in say two years when he has gone through every dime. More ranting from him and I finally realize that he has sucked me in again so I hang up.

He really knows that criticizing my parenting and money are two hot button issues for me. I need to work on my resentments over all the crazymaking he did so I don't feel the need to answer his accusations and challenges.

I seriously wish that I had NO CONTACT with him at all!

Barbara52

Hey, it can be so hard not to get roped in. You recognize it though. And end as soon as you do recognize it. You are doing fine.

starflier

I'm so sorry you are feeling badly! It's so hard when they know just the right buttons to push. You did very well in resisting him as long as you did. Don't castigate yourself! I've seen others write, "progress, not perfection" so I pass that onto you now. You're strong, you're clearheaded, you have yours and your son's best interests in mind, and you'll be fine. I hope you have a wonderful time at the wedding and that you don't think about this one bit. The sun will be shining, there will be a couple in love with their whole future ahead of them, you'll enjoy the moment and catch the bouquet! What's better than that?
:ghug3

LaTeeDa

Here's something I posted a few weeks ago. It got some chuckles, but it's so true. You are in the "aware of it while you are doing it" stage. That's great!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post1836157