i have no feeling
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 6
i have no feeling
well where to begin i have been clean 6 months off coke,craack,ecstasy,**** loads of liquor i am 21, anywyas i cant seem to find any emotion i have anxiety disorder, lately i have knowitced i have no emotions, i am not happy, but i am not sad, months of solitude are getting me or something i cant even cry, i know that sounds corny but sometimes i think crying helps but i liderally cannot i just laugh at myself when i try i guess i just feel hopeless i spend most of time in doors, fear of going outside, i dont know i am a good looking guy, i got a good sense of humor and the whole nine yards i am fun to be around, but lately i just keep beating myself up telling myself im nothing and wel never be anything, anyways does anyone else get these similar feelings
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Yes.
It's just part of early recovery.I never did drugs in any serious way-but I numbed myself with alcohol for years.Part of being sober has meant going through feeling again-and sometimes hitting a wall and feeling nothing.It's kinda like being drunk but without any fun part.I just feel dead at times.Nothing moves me.but-it passes.Know that and hang in there.It's not forever.It's phase-if a really unpleasant one.
Welcome to SR.Read-post.We all understand.
Julesxox
It's just part of early recovery.I never did drugs in any serious way-but I numbed myself with alcohol for years.Part of being sober has meant going through feeling again-and sometimes hitting a wall and feeling nothing.It's kinda like being drunk but without any fun part.I just feel dead at times.Nothing moves me.but-it passes.Know that and hang in there.It's not forever.It's phase-if a really unpleasant one.
Welcome to SR.Read-post.We all understand.
Julesxox
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 428
I am in the same position. I have been sober about 3 months and I just feel blah. Like I am in some sort of funk. I get up and go thru the day but I have no feelings about it. I haven't had that pink cloud or the spiritual connection. It is very frustrating.
I am actually quite the crier and I haven't been able to do that since after about the first week that I stopped drinking. My therapist has suggested that I try anit depressants, but I really don't want to.
The good thing is that I don't want to drink, but I really don't want to do anything....
I hope this is a phase and passes for us. Glad to know I am not alone.
I am actually quite the crier and I haven't been able to do that since after about the first week that I stopped drinking. My therapist has suggested that I try anit depressants, but I really don't want to.
The good thing is that I don't want to drink, but I really don't want to do anything....
I hope this is a phase and passes for us. Glad to know I am not alone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,007
yep - I understand. you just described me
it's getting a little better now where I can have a really good day - or part of a day - and then for no reason I start to wonder what the point is of being here just "going through the motions". That I have nothing to look forward to and no interest in things. Then the good time comes along when I feel great and am thankful for things I have. I start making goals and plans for the future. It's a friggin ride all right. I thought I was the only one feeling like that for a long time - then coming on here and hearing other stories, I found out what Jules said -it's all part of recovery. I think most people have it - we just all get it to different extents. I keep reminding myself of the times I do feel good and that I know it will show up again - and the further along I get in recovery, the more often the good moments will stick around.
alright, so perhaps that got onto a bit of rambling mode sorry, it's late. I just wanted you to know that you're certainly not alone - and not to give up. Your good times will start to come soon enough, and before long - you'll be amazed that you didn't have them.
I have huge respect for you doing this at 21 too. When I was 21 I already had a 5 year old and STILL wasn't mature enough to make the decision to better myself. It took me til this year (and I'm 34) so I'm proud of you. I have no doubt you're going to make it - I know the "light at the end of the tunnel" saying is corny, but it's true.
It really does get better..........
it's getting a little better now where I can have a really good day - or part of a day - and then for no reason I start to wonder what the point is of being here just "going through the motions". That I have nothing to look forward to and no interest in things. Then the good time comes along when I feel great and am thankful for things I have. I start making goals and plans for the future. It's a friggin ride all right. I thought I was the only one feeling like that for a long time - then coming on here and hearing other stories, I found out what Jules said -it's all part of recovery. I think most people have it - we just all get it to different extents. I keep reminding myself of the times I do feel good and that I know it will show up again - and the further along I get in recovery, the more often the good moments will stick around.
alright, so perhaps that got onto a bit of rambling mode
sorry, it's late. I just wanted you to know that you're certainly not alone - and not to give up. Your good times will start to come soon enough, and before long - you'll be amazed that you didn't have them.I have huge respect for you doing this at 21 too. When I was 21 I already had a 5 year old and STILL wasn't mature enough to make the decision to better myself. It took me til this year (and I'm 34) so I'm proud of you. I have no doubt you're going to make it - I know the "light at the end of the tunnel" saying is corny, but it's true.
It really does get better..........
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
The drugs you were taking have disabled the part of the brain that controls emotion as well as your serotonin & dopamine levels have been depleted.
It will take a long time for the brain to recover.
Be patient and it will.
Therapy and/or medications can be beneficial.
It will take a long time for the brain to recover.
Be patient and it will.
Therapy and/or medications can be beneficial.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
Spiritual Seeker has the right idea.
Mine are coming back. The thing that I noticed that really helps is exercise. Those natural endorphins really help. I don't even have to do much. Riding bikes for half an hour with my girls (ages 6 and almost 10..so we don't go really fast), the 30 minute weight lifting at the gym, 20 minutes on the elliptical etc. and I feel so good. I don't even have to worry when I'm going to get my next fix. When I start feeling blah I can gather my girls up and go for a ride. Our trip to the pool yesterday afternoon was amazing. They don't take much convincing either.
Mine are coming back. The thing that I noticed that really helps is exercise. Those natural endorphins really help. I don't even have to do much. Riding bikes for half an hour with my girls (ages 6 and almost 10..so we don't go really fast), the 30 minute weight lifting at the gym, 20 minutes on the elliptical etc. and I feel so good. I don't even have to worry when I'm going to get my next fix. When I start feeling blah I can gather my girls up and go for a ride. Our trip to the pool yesterday afternoon was amazing. They don't take much convincing either.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I was like that right after using for about a week. Then I came alive. Now I get like that once every week. Lasts about a day or two for me now. I only have a little over a month.
Mine comes and goes.
I agree with Spiritual seeker...We did some messed up things to our bodies and minds.
But the good thing is we can heal.
Takes time. But it will.
Mine comes and goes.
I agree with Spiritual seeker...We did some messed up things to our bodies and minds.
But the good thing is we can heal.
Takes time. But it will.
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
This was my main complaint for years - even when I was sober, I felt absolutely numb. It's certainly not the case anymore, my emotions are all over the map and, even though it can be a little unnerving, it's still a relief.
This is what is helping me:
. I quit drinking for good. In a twisted way, drinking seemed to make me come alive, but soon enough that aliveness turned to general mopey-ness and uncontrollable anxiety. After a while, I was either too drunk or too hungover to feel or care.
. Psychotherapy. It was important for me to realize that, among other things, I turned to booze in an effort to self-medicate depression. My depression is 100% reactive, which means that it can be attributable to external (and internal) events. Emotionally, when those feelings become too much for us to handle, they sometimes turn to numbness/apathy/ I don't give a sh**. With a little bit of coaxing, you might find that beneath the numbness there is a lot of stuck grief. I sure have a boatload of that to work through. In a more "mental" level, numbness can also come from core-beliefs that lower self-esteem and worth, defeatist attitudes, negativism... It's all related.
. Some medications are helping me keep an even keel while I start looking at those issues. My meds are closely supervised because, addictive tendencies aside, some of them can actually *cause* apathy.
. Spirituality. This is completely personal. The usual fellowships don't quite cut it for me, so I draw from different traditions (Eastern philosophy, AA, affirmations etc). This has helped a *lot*.
. I'm slowly getting back on track with an exercise program, I agree with Latte, it does help a lot. But I've hit my roof for the time being, as I've become a chainsmoker - one thing at a time
. Slowly re-engaging in life. I've been sober 4 weeks, and still struggle with isolation. But reaching out to others, even if it's just for a quick phone banter, helps me feel more "alive". SR also helps immensely in this sense.
Anyway, hope this helps. Congrats on 6 months! Sometimes it's useful to just sit down and ask yourself "what is going on with me right now? how do i feel?". Sounds silly, but it does work. It's even better if you like to keep a journal.
Good luck, M
This is what is helping me:
. I quit drinking for good. In a twisted way, drinking seemed to make me come alive, but soon enough that aliveness turned to general mopey-ness and uncontrollable anxiety. After a while, I was either too drunk or too hungover to feel or care.
. Psychotherapy. It was important for me to realize that, among other things, I turned to booze in an effort to self-medicate depression. My depression is 100% reactive, which means that it can be attributable to external (and internal) events. Emotionally, when those feelings become too much for us to handle, they sometimes turn to numbness/apathy/ I don't give a sh**. With a little bit of coaxing, you might find that beneath the numbness there is a lot of stuck grief. I sure have a boatload of that to work through. In a more "mental" level, numbness can also come from core-beliefs that lower self-esteem and worth, defeatist attitudes, negativism... It's all related.
. Some medications are helping me keep an even keel while I start looking at those issues. My meds are closely supervised because, addictive tendencies aside, some of them can actually *cause* apathy.
. Spirituality. This is completely personal. The usual fellowships don't quite cut it for me, so I draw from different traditions (Eastern philosophy, AA, affirmations etc). This has helped a *lot*.
. I'm slowly getting back on track with an exercise program, I agree with Latte, it does help a lot. But I've hit my roof for the time being, as I've become a chainsmoker - one thing at a time
. Slowly re-engaging in life. I've been sober 4 weeks, and still struggle with isolation. But reaching out to others, even if it's just for a quick phone banter, helps me feel more "alive". SR also helps immensely in this sense.
Anyway, hope this helps. Congrats on 6 months! Sometimes it's useful to just sit down and ask yourself "what is going on with me right now? how do i feel?". Sounds silly, but it does work. It's even better if you like to keep a journal.
Good luck, M
Last edited by Mattcake; 07-31-2008 at 01:26 AM. Reason: to ramble some more
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: MN
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by Natej1 
well where to begin i have been clean 6 months off coke,craack,ecstasy,**** loads of liquor i am 21, anywyas i cant seem to find any emotion i have anxiety disorder, lately i have knowitced i have no emotions, i am not happy, but i am not sad, months of solitude are getting me or something i cant even cry, i know that sounds corny but sometimes i think crying helps but i liderally cannot i just laugh at myself when i try i guess i just feel hopeless i spend most of time in doors, fear of going outside, i dont know i am a good looking guy, i got a good sense of humor and the whole nine yards i am fun to be around, but lately i just keep beating myself up telling myself im nothing and wel never be anything, anyways does anyone else get these similar feelings
Your brain needs time to learn how to feel again... After that initial "Feeling like a Raw wound" the brain kind of shuts you out while it re-wires itself to "Normal."
And then your feelings start to crack at the seams...
For me, the two things that helped the most.
-Weight lifting... Pumping Iron does a lot for brain chemistry, and self confidence. (Not just from being muscular, but from challenging yourself and watching slowly as you become stronger each day than the day before... Which translates well to Recovery.
-Watching MASH...
I'm a lot like Hawkeye, so I could connect with the character very well... But if you let it get into you a little bit, the swings between humor, sadness, tragedy and deep friendship that are portrayed in the show... They just stimulate something inside you.
And that was how I learned to "Cry Again." Both tears of joy and sadness.
(And since adding 90 pounds of muscle in the last 13 years... No one seems to give me any crap about watching sappy shows?)
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Nate,
I think this may be different from what others are talking about but maybe not.
I've recently had the distinct feeling that I was empty - like a shell. Like there was nothing inside of me and I was moving around, hollow, going through the motions.
I do cry and feel depressed - it's not so much a lack of being able to feel. Just a sense that I am not occupying my body.
I spoke with my therapist about this (I'm Bipolar) and she said it was a negative decompensation for the anxiety I was currently experiencing due to a couple of small things happening in my life that were stressful for me.
I have serious abandonment issues so when I start to feel stress, I re-experience the abandonment. And in the past, I would drink or cut myself to relieve that. Now that I don't do either of those things, I have to find healthy responses to stress.
Since I didn't respond to the stress with a positive, helpful response (I didn't exercise, distract myself, go to a meeting, call a friend, etc) I found myself sliding into this place where I felt hollow and detached. It was the same way I responded to the abandonment in my childhood.
It helped me to hear from my therapist that this was what what happening. It made me less scared and gave me some tools to cope.
Everyone who responded above me had good advice and offered lots of tools. And you should be proud of your 6 months. I'm at 6 months too and it feels like a miracle to me.
Hang in there. Keep taking each day on it's own. You can do this.
I think this may be different from what others are talking about but maybe not.
I've recently had the distinct feeling that I was empty - like a shell. Like there was nothing inside of me and I was moving around, hollow, going through the motions.
I do cry and feel depressed - it's not so much a lack of being able to feel. Just a sense that I am not occupying my body.
I spoke with my therapist about this (I'm Bipolar) and she said it was a negative decompensation for the anxiety I was currently experiencing due to a couple of small things happening in my life that were stressful for me.
I have serious abandonment issues so when I start to feel stress, I re-experience the abandonment. And in the past, I would drink or cut myself to relieve that. Now that I don't do either of those things, I have to find healthy responses to stress.
Since I didn't respond to the stress with a positive, helpful response (I didn't exercise, distract myself, go to a meeting, call a friend, etc) I found myself sliding into this place where I felt hollow and detached. It was the same way I responded to the abandonment in my childhood.
It helped me to hear from my therapist that this was what what happening. It made me less scared and gave me some tools to cope.
Everyone who responded above me had good advice and offered lots of tools. And you should be proud of your 6 months. I'm at 6 months too and it feels like a miracle to me.
Hang in there. Keep taking each day on it's own. You can do this.
Recovering Addict
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Riverside, CA
Posts: 1
I had the same feelings at about the same time some of you did. I kept busy. I wasn't working, then around that 3 month mark, I got into a Work Program at a VA Hospital. So from there on my "funk" got better.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Atlanta,Ga
Posts: 16
I went through the same thing years ago before any alcohol problems began. I thought I understood what Depression was and figured that if I was able to get out of bed and function I couldn't be depressed. I was simply "moving through mud" without the presence of intense sadness but also without any joy whatsoever. When I finally realized I might be depressed my Dr. started me on medication and by the 7th day my world had changed! (It usually takes longer). Only regret I have is not realizing I had a treatable condition at the time.
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