gns

Not sure what happened, but the a in my life is long gone. Had a fight with my sister - someone I emotionally depend on a lot, but she is less available now with children and it just precipitated all kinds of bad feelings. I was also looking at all the beautiful people on facebook and how bad I feel as I look at all the beautiful people (I don't even KNOW these people!!!)

I feel like the ugliest person in the world, fat in all the wrong places, powerless, incompetent at work, unlovable and unlikeable. I felt so worthless that i just wanted to give up. A little bit like Golem in the lord of the rings, or the runt of the litter.

I can't remember ever feeling this bad, but I know I carry it around with me and this feeling informs a lot of desparate things I have done (staying in bad relationships). I also know I seek emotional security from my sister. Maybe this is a wake-up call that I need to be able to give myself that emotional security.

This morning I felt like I had no choice but to turn it over to my HP because I couldn't take it anymore.

Starting to feel a little better (at least not suicidal anymore!) and I am starting to feel hopeful that maybe I will grow through this.

Just wanted to share, all of you have been such a wonderful support.

laurie6781

You mean all THE LIES on facebook, lol.

You are seeing only what those folks WANT THE WORLD TO SEE. Not a thing of what is REAL in their lives is on there. You are trying to match your insides with their outsides.

You are in a better place than you know. Please, stop comparing yourself to others, that hasn't worked for any of us, honest.

Do just what you can do for you. You want to lose a little weight, then cut out JUST ONE HIGH CALORIE item for a month, do not replace it with another high calorie, JUST ONE. See what has happened at the end of a month. Then the next cut out another one, and go for a walk erly in the morning and/or the evening. You will be amazed that without much effort how much will start to come off.

Slow and easy, one step and one day at a time.

Do some nice things for yourself....................maybe get a new style haircut or a trim and some color, or get your nails done, or better yet get a pedicure, they are so relaxing!!!! But..................................DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU EACH WEEK.

You will start to see your attitude about yourself CHANGE, I promise.

Love and hugs,

freya

Hey, gns, sorry to hear you are feeling down on yourself.....but turning it over is definitely a big step in the right direction -- just keep on doing that and and I'm sure HP will find ways to show you how valuable and beautiful and lovable S/He knows you are....hang in there!

freya

Hikeon

Hey I know what you mean about feeling down, I wrote about that just the other day.

I often feel unlikeable too, although I can't remember ever feeling like Golem (that reference made me laugh).

If you ever feel you want to talk, feel free to PM me.

Take care!

Silverberry1331

Hey! I know how you feel! Hang in there...by the way...if you were to look at my myspace account, you would see shining happy faces of me and my husband laughing and joking. You would see smiles and hear happy music...you would even see some motivational books and a list of all our interests...Well...P.S. I, the codie, am sitting a work, looking like I just threw myself together this morning (again). I half work, and half wonder what condition my AH is in right and what am I going to find when I get home. Drunk? Out? Coming down but severely depressed? Sober and contrite at the moment, but still not wanting to go to recovery?

The people you see on Facebook, myspace, at the grocery store...they all have a story...all different...no one has perfection. You are doing the best you can and you will continue to move forward. Hang in there!