Reddmax

I'm curious about how many people's significant others have actually made recoveries from addiction? It seems like all you ever hear about are the failure to achieve recovery.

Barbara52

My xAH won't even admit he is an alcoholic.

But my brother has been in recovery for 20+ years. I am very proud of him. He is a wonderful spiritually centered man who is a great model for his daughters, his students and me.

LaTeeDa

My ex-husband has been sober for over two years. Unfortunately, it came too late to save our marriage. I'm extremely thankful that my children have a sober father, though.

L

starflier

My partner is nowhere near recovery, but then, she's never made a serious attempt.

I have three alcoholic siblings. My oldest brother just quit drinking one day and never drank again. He's never worked any steps, gone to meetings, anything. Just decided, about 20 years ago, that enough was enough. He quit his job as a commercial fisherman, and began long distance trucking, which was a scary choice, IMO. It worked for him. He's a wonderful man.

My oldest sister drank and smoked pot, and quit about 25 years ago with the help of AA. Quit going to meetings many years ago, but never returned to her addictions.

One of my younger brothers was an absolutely crazy, violent drunk. Constantly in trouble since he was about 15. Our whole family figured he was a goner. Almost 15 years ago he turned his life around and has been sober ever since. He attends AA and NA several times a week, always working his program, but he's doing very well.

So, yes, it can be done.

Tally

My abf has been sober now going on 6 months and nearly everything has changed for the better.

miss communicat

I am sober now, and found sobriety after ending a toxic marriage. My partner is also now sober, after ending a toxic marriage.

Sometimes marriages survive through recovery and sometimes they must end for the healing to take root.

I wish health, peace of mind and joy to everyone. THAT is possible, even when it seems so far out of reach.

theotherone

Wow starflier...3 for 3...those are great stats...I hope you can achieve that
4th in your life.

LaTeeDa

This is a prime example of codependent thinking--that someone else's recovery is my achievement.

My own recovery is the only one I can take any credit for whatsoever. And, I'm happy to say that recovery from codependency is not only possible, it feels great!

L

starflier

Thank you for the sentiment. I really appreciate the thought behind it. But, the only recovery I can take any credit for, including the recovery of my three siblings and definitely including my partner's, is my own. I truly hope, with all my heart, that my partner achieves sobriety, and until just recently I thought I had some kind of stake in whether she achieves it, but I now know that my own recovery is the only one I can really control.

starflier

Oh! We must have been writing simultaneously! Took me a while to compose what I wanted to say.

Bernadette

Hiya Redd-
My father got sober after a 25+ year drinking career. He went to AA. Within a couple of years so many good things came into his life. It was like all the good was just waiting to shower down on him once he eliminated the insanity of the booze.

Same with my friend D. who is recovered 7 years now. He's an artist and his whole world just opened up in amazing ways when he stopped drinking and got into AA. Boy did he really change!

My parents are devout Catholics. My mother would have stayed with my Dad no matter what. She is a world-class codependent. It's like in the female DNA in our family for generations I swear!

Their marriage certainly got better, and my father, as a person, changed enormously from a stubborn and self-centered individual into a really spiritual and generous soul. My mother unfortunately was really warped by all those codie years. She did attend some AlAnon meetings but she never even seems to grasp the most basic concepts.

She continues to suffer and hurt herself in her codependence with my actively alcoholic brother and my newly sober (30 days!!!) brother, and my pot-addicted but teetotalling oldest brother. She has really paid a terrible price to this disease.

My dad's recovery was awesome to witness. But as I grew older I realized, unfortunately, how rare and precious a thing actual recovery really is...

Peace,
B.

theotherone

Geez...what I meant was ...How many people can say that 3 out of 3 alcoholics in the same family had found recovery in there lives...not giving you credit for their recovery...just wishing you luck in having that 4th person achieve it for themselves...next time I'll think it out before I comment...wouldn't want to be accused of not progressing in my own recovery by those who are so much further along.

respektingme

A friend of mine became famous and rich in the entertainment industry. He and his wife got caught up in the partying scene. His employees decided they could actually start their own business competing against him and left him. His company folded, his wife and kids left him (she was an addict herself) and he lost his gorgeous house and cars. His mother died along the way and a host of other depressing things happened, among them countless numbers of girlfriends who didn't work out. Currently, he's driving a beat up old car and living free in a friend's tiny old house. But he's happy as a clam to have just been hired as an hourly retail employee and he STILL has his sobriety!!!! He holds on to that for dear life. He's just amazing. I get to personally know someone who puts a true value on his sobriety and loves it!!! He tells everybody about it. He's so proud!!

BTW, I don't which drug or drink was his DOC. When he was using, it was a buffet 24/7.

starflier

Please don't feel that way. I really appreciated the sentiment behind what you said. That's why it took me a while to figure out how to respond. I am trying REALLY hard lately to learn not to take my partner's recovery or non-recovery personally. I'm sorry for misinterpreting and thank you for posting.

respektingme

That's how I interpreted your post. And honestly, when I read about the 3 siblings, I was also very impressed. Not often that you hear about that kind of success. It's fun to hear.

LaTeeDa

I apologize if you took my comments personally. I guess I could have worded it better.

The point I was trying to make is that, for me anyway, the codependent way of thinking was so ingrained that taking credit for someone else's recovery would have seemed quite natural to me.

L

respektingme

LaTeeDa, not to nitpick, but since we're getting pretty technical here....

"I apologize if you took my comments personally."

This comment indicates no fault or action on your part. The action ("you took") or fault lies in the person interpreting your words.

It reminds me of the comment, "I'm sorry you feel that way.", which is a general catchall phrase for standing one's ground without any concession to fault.

"I guess I could have worded it better."

This comment counters the previous comment and indicates that you are taking responsibility for your words. And in that case, you are admitting that it might not be a misinterpretation of the listener.

LaTeeDa

Whatever.............................

FormerDoormat

I second that, whatever....

FormerDoormat

After ~50 years of drinking, my partner achieved sobriety for 7 months, then promptly relapsed and drank himself to death.