odaat

I'm 20 months sober, and have done the first nine steps with my sponsor.

When I saw her last, she said that she didn't think that we should read through the final three steps, because I'm still living in active addiction (self-harm and food).

She says I need to make changes, or I will die.

I'm not sure how/what I feel. My marriage is in difficulty, and I'm having an affair. I'm not ready to make a descison though.

Now I feel like I'm not making any progress. I don't know what to do - I feel like my sponsor is telling me that if I don't do 'something' that I'll drink again, and die.

I don't know WHAT to do. I can hear a lot of noise - everyone seems to have an opinion on my marriage and my recovery. I feel I'm being pushed into doing something that I'm not sure is 'right'.

Is it so wrong of me to want to sit quietly for a few days/weeks/months until I know what I want?

gypsytears

Congratulations on being 20 sober .

I think taking some time for yourself might be a good idea. You obviously have some decisions to make about your marital situation. Have you tried counseling (marriage or individual)? That might help with the food and harming issues. Some changes seem to be in order, though how you go about them should be up to you, not your sponsor. JMO

Ananda

The Pause before action is just as important as the action. I often have to return to my source...my hp and allow that connection to deepen to help me through the decision and action steps.

And no matter what is going on in my life today....i am never doomed to drink again. Together we can get through anything sober!

:ghug2

odaat

Thanks Gypsy Tears

I've suggested relationship counselling to my husband, but wouldn't agree. I discussed this with my Community Pyschiatrict Nurse, and she is going to try and persuade my Pyschiatrist to allow me to have counselling.

I'd hate to walk out on my marriage to find that I still feel low. Yet, everyone seems to blame how I'm feeling on my relationship.

I don't find it easy to open up about how I'm feeling, so perhaps my Sponsor has got the wrong end of the stick. It seems like she is 'over-reacting', my marriage isn't 'that' bad, and my food issues have been for 5 months or so, so I don't see why she got so dramatic about it, saying I need treatment etc.

tommyk

20 months sober.... awesome!

Personally I believe you are entitled to some 'you' time, and quite capable of taking a bigger part in decisions that move your life in the right direction.

Just don't relapse...!

Congrats again...!

odaat

I feel almost 'threatened' that if I don't sort my food out asap, I'll drink again.

I feel like I'm doing 'okay'. I try my best to work the steps, but I'm not as 'compliant' as I should be.

One issue is the different 'schools' of AA. My 2 home groups aren't that respected. They are two of the oldest groups in the country, and its quite a small, relaxed group. We are very laid back and informal - we don't have any extra 'rules' and everyone is welcome. We get the real low-bottom drunks. The old-timers there (At least 7 with 20+ years each) would say the do AA with no frills. My Sponsor doesn't go to this meeting, and I get the impression she doesn't approve. There is a hell of a lot of strong recovery in these groups though. I feel a closer relationship to a couple of the guys than I do to my sponsor. Its hard to explain the different between the two 'types', but I'm feeling more comfortable in my home group. I go to other meetings, but the formality makes me feel uncomfortable.

Does that make any sense?

Ananda

AA groups ARE different! So I make sure that I have a strong foundation in the group that is most like the AA that got me sober to start with and yes attend other meetings....but keep that firm foundation.

So far my sponsor has respected that (it isn't her home group...her's is much more formal).

CarolD

I too think counseling is the way
for you to explore your situation.

As an AA sponsor...I would know these issues
are out of my experience. I too would step back.

Well done on your sober time!
.....Blessings

Anna

Hi,

I think you're doing great with 20 months sober.

As others have said, counselling may help you with the other issues you have. It sounds like you feel overwhelmed with outside advice and it's okay to listen to yourself, as well.

gypsytears

Right... counseling for you. I don't know about your marriage, but I do know that people in recovery need to work on themselves first (well, everyone really, not just people in recovery lol). I'm sure individual counseling is a good place to start while you sort out the other stuff. Your husband may or may not come around to the counseling idea so focus on you. In the end that will make you feel better, and possibly save your marriage.

* Keep up that sober time too of course .