not so newcomer, scared to death =(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 2
not so newcomer, scared to death =(
Hi all, and thank you SO much for letting me be a member of this community. it's really nice to know that there is support out there, especially when things seem as hopeless as they do right now.
I'm not going to go into a drunk-a-log here, as i'm sure most all of you can relate to the stories i can tell, but i do want to share the main reason i'm here.
I finished treatment August of last year, and am now living in an assisted independent living program (a co-op). in general, things aren't so bad. however, after getting clean of my drug of choice, opiates, i'm now struggling VERY hard with my addiction to benzodiazepines. they are prescribed, and are taken as meant to be, but i can't go on taking these pills. every time i take one i feel guilty, dirty, ashamed...like i know i shouldn't be doing it because as an addict, benzo's are, at least in my case, a no-no. i don't have a medical NEED for them besides anxiety, which has many different ways of being treated both pharmacologically and holisticaly.
I'm currently taking 50mg of librium daily, and this is an accomplishment in the sense that i was on 6mg of klonopin for nearly 10 years prior, so the taper down was relatively easy. until now. even a 5mg cut throws me into withdrawals that only a benzodiazepine addict can attest to. i'm terrified that i will never be able to stop this cycle, and feel more and more hopeless as each day passes, popping librum and hating myself for it. in essence, i'm here to get advice, support, suggestions and whatever else is available. god only knows i'll need all the help i can get once i start to taper down off the librium.
thanks for reading all of this...didn't meant to bore you guys! best wishes to all of you doing well and all of you still struggling.
AD
I'm not going to go into a drunk-a-log here, as i'm sure most all of you can relate to the stories i can tell, but i do want to share the main reason i'm here.
I finished treatment August of last year, and am now living in an assisted independent living program (a co-op). in general, things aren't so bad. however, after getting clean of my drug of choice, opiates, i'm now struggling VERY hard with my addiction to benzodiazepines. they are prescribed, and are taken as meant to be, but i can't go on taking these pills. every time i take one i feel guilty, dirty, ashamed...like i know i shouldn't be doing it because as an addict, benzo's are, at least in my case, a no-no. i don't have a medical NEED for them besides anxiety, which has many different ways of being treated both pharmacologically and holisticaly.
I'm currently taking 50mg of librium daily, and this is an accomplishment in the sense that i was on 6mg of klonopin for nearly 10 years prior, so the taper down was relatively easy. until now. even a 5mg cut throws me into withdrawals that only a benzodiazepine addict can attest to. i'm terrified that i will never be able to stop this cycle, and feel more and more hopeless as each day passes, popping librum and hating myself for it. in essence, i'm here to get advice, support, suggestions and whatever else is available. god only knows i'll need all the help i can get once i start to taper down off the librium.
thanks for reading all of this...didn't meant to bore you guys! best wishes to all of you doing well and all of you still struggling.
AD
Last edited by alreadydamned; 07-29-2008 at 11:36 PM. Reason: misspelled a word
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,469
Hi AD and welcome to SR. I am a recovering benzo addict and totally understand how scary withdrawal from benzos can be. I personally had to go into detox to get off of them. I could not do a taper. I am way to much of an addict to do that. If I had the pills around I took them. I have now been off of benzos and opiates for 18 months and I never imagined that life could be so good!
I am really glad that your here and hope that you keep posting!
I am really glad that your here and hope that you keep posting!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
A consultation with your doctor would be wise. I have no experience with benzo withdrawal but withddrawal from alcohol was so awful for me I can't imagine going thru something worse than that. Please do talk to a doctor to be safe when coming off the benzos.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
Welcome to the site... I know what you are going through. I was on Librium for a while and I got slightly addicted to it by only taking 1 per night (75 mg) for just over a week! That stuff is extremely addictive.
You should definitely let your doctor know, he won't have you go cold turkey or anything that would be dangerous. My only advice would be to possibly start putting more hours between each dose... like if you take them every 8 hours, wait for 10 hours, then once you are adjusted, 12, and work your way up until you can go a whole day. And so on and so forth.
Of course only a doctor would know what is best. Please just be courageous and be honest with your doctor. They will know what to do!
You should definitely let your doctor know, he won't have you go cold turkey or anything that would be dangerous. My only advice would be to possibly start putting more hours between each dose... like if you take them every 8 hours, wait for 10 hours, then once you are adjusted, 12, and work your way up until you can go a whole day. And so on and so forth.
Of course only a doctor would know what is best. Please just be courageous and be honest with your doctor. They will know what to do!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 2
Thanks for all the introductions and advice everyone =)
I'm needlessly scared of my doctor, and worry that if i approach him with this that he'll assume i'm abusing them and then pull the rug out from under me by doing an ovely rapid w/d. of course, i do take into consideration that anxiety breeds anxiety and that my fears may be just that...anxiety. i'm sure there's also the addict in me screaming 'NO!, DON'T LET GO OF MY LIBRIUM!'.
oy, what a mess. again, thanks for the welcomes and i'll start posting on the relevant parts of the board now.
AD
I'm needlessly scared of my doctor, and worry that if i approach him with this that he'll assume i'm abusing them and then pull the rug out from under me by doing an ovely rapid w/d. of course, i do take into consideration that anxiety breeds anxiety and that my fears may be just that...anxiety. i'm sure there's also the addict in me screaming 'NO!, DON'T LET GO OF MY LIBRIUM!'.
oy, what a mess. again, thanks for the welcomes and i'll start posting on the relevant parts of the board now.
AD
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
28 years ago, when I went into detox, we were given librium. There was a standing joke that doctors thought alcoholics had a librium deficiency, they were so quick to prescribe it. We actually described the way it made us walk as "the librium shuffle"! I felt like a zombie and asked to be taken off of it after a few days.
You say it's prescribed, so I'm assuming (hopefully) that your doctor is familiar with alcoholism. As such, he should be well aware of how dangerous it would be for you to withdraw too quickly.
"Fear is an absence of faith," so have faith all will go well, and be completely honest with your doctor.
You say it's prescribed, so I'm assuming (hopefully) that your doctor is familiar with alcoholism. As such, he should be well aware of how dangerous it would be for you to withdraw too quickly.
"Fear is an absence of faith," so have faith all will go well, and be completely honest with your doctor.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Already..
We are firmly instructed here to not give medical advice...so I won't.
But I will say..do not stop taking your meds (as prescribed!).
Librium must be carefully and slowly withdarwn..usually with medical support..
Your doctor knows this..please do not be afraid.
Remember! This is not his life at stake..it is yours...he is there for you.
Go in with this attitude..and lay it all the table...it may help to write
down your concerns before the appointment.
I was on prescribed Valium for ten years then prescribed Xanax for ten
years..abused the Xanax and OD'd...was detoxed with Klonipin after
rehab for 4 months..and have been free from these for 14 years.
Good thing..with the alcohol relapses..I'd most certainly be dead if not.
My best to you...
Let us know ...
IO
We are firmly instructed here to not give medical advice...so I won't.
But I will say..do not stop taking your meds (as prescribed!).
Librium must be carefully and slowly withdarwn..usually with medical support..
Your doctor knows this..please do not be afraid.
Remember! This is not his life at stake..it is yours...he is there for you.
Go in with this attitude..and lay it all the table...it may help to write
down your concerns before the appointment.
I was on prescribed Valium for ten years then prescribed Xanax for ten
years..abused the Xanax and OD'd...was detoxed with Klonipin after
rehab for 4 months..and have been free from these for 14 years.
Good thing..with the alcohol relapses..I'd most certainly be dead if not.
My best to you...
Let us know ...
IO
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