Alcohol can make people do some pretty
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Dallas, TX
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Alcohol can make people do some pretty
cruel things. A week ago my little brother, my sister in law and 6 year old nephew left for Croatia with her parents to visit their native country. They've called once or twice to let us know that things were going great, Croatia is beautiful, etc. etc. Well, my dad called me at 2 a.m. this morning. Apparenlty things were not going well at all. Her parents have been drunk constantly from the time they arrived. Last night, while they were all staying at a relative's home in rural Croatia, they started verbally attacking my brother and ended up kicking the entire family (my brother, nephew, SIL) out of the house and essentially abandoning them. My brother called my dad in hysterics. My bro has not had a vacation in years and he works 2 jobs. He finally gets a couple weeks off and now this nightmare has occurred. The bad thing is we do not know where they are, he had to borrow a cell phone just to call last night and can only talk for minutes at a time as it is apparently very expensive to call internationally. No one in the village wants to help them because they are all related to my sister in law's parents.
Basically, they are stuck in a rural area of a foreign country with nowhere to go and very limited means of communicating. I am scared that even if her parents sober up long enough to be remorseful, they will just get drunk again and next time it could be worse. These kids still have a week before their plane leaves.
I am worried sick. What could ever compel grandparents to kick their daughter and grandson out into the night? Alcohol, apparently. Sitting here waiting by the phone is killing me, but I don't know what else to do. Any prayers are greatly appreciated.
Basically, they are stuck in a rural area of a foreign country with nowhere to go and very limited means of communicating. I am scared that even if her parents sober up long enough to be remorseful, they will just get drunk again and next time it could be worse. These kids still have a week before their plane leaves.
I am worried sick. What could ever compel grandparents to kick their daughter and grandson out into the night? Alcohol, apparently. Sitting here waiting by the phone is killing me, but I don't know what else to do. Any prayers are greatly appreciated.
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Thanks Jeeplady, I've heard horror stories about what can happen to Americans left alone in foreign countries and I am furious at her parents. I cannot understand for the life of me why they would put them in such a precarious position. Being drunk just doesn't seem to cut it. I'll let you guys know how this turns out. I don't know if no news is good news or what (haven't heard much since 2 a.m.)
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Join Date: Jun 2006
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Tell them to get to an American embassy. They can at least get them shelter and het them back home, especially if someone steps and and agrees to foot the bill. They also will work with you on paying off expenses.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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Wow what a crazy situation. Don't worry I'm sure they'll be fine (apart from a ruined vacation).
Makes me feel sorry for your SIL - With parents like that no wonder she's a little wacky herself.
Again I'm sure they will be fine. If a local let them use their cell phone to call the States there's obviously some friendly people around them. They should grab a bus to the nearest tourist hub, get a cheap hotel and try to enjoy the rest of their stay.
Sorry you have to stress out about this.
Makes me feel sorry for your SIL - With parents like that no wonder she's a little wacky herself.
Again I'm sure they will be fine. If a local let them use their cell phone to call the States there's obviously some friendly people around them. They should grab a bus to the nearest tourist hub, get a cheap hotel and try to enjoy the rest of their stay.
Sorry you have to stress out about this.
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"Makes me feel sorry for your SIL - With parents like that no wonder she's a little wacky herself."
I know, I have a whole new perspective and I cannot imagine what it would be like growing up with those people. I just want them all back safely (yes even my SIL).
To my SR friends, I know I've been on here with one thing after another lately and I'm sorry for dumping. I'm trying to separate valid concerns from my "persecution complex" I seem to be nurturing. July has been a particularly brutal month and I can't wait for it to be over. On the upside I am very much enjoying my volunteering and I received a really nice response from that old (ex) girlfriend I e-mailed a few weeks back. Focusing on the good stuff has really helped me with my sobriety.
I know, I have a whole new perspective and I cannot imagine what it would be like growing up with those people. I just want them all back safely (yes even my SIL).
To my SR friends, I know I've been on here with one thing after another lately and I'm sorry for dumping. I'm trying to separate valid concerns from my "persecution complex" I seem to be nurturing. July has been a particularly brutal month and I can't wait for it to be over. On the upside I am very much enjoying my volunteering and I received a really nice response from that old (ex) girlfriend I e-mailed a few weeks back. Focusing on the good stuff has really helped me with my sobriety.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
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That's both awful and incredible - but not so strange when you consider that alcohol was involved. Just one more reason to not drink!
I hope those idiots come to their senses and act like human beings (family, even!) and make this right. Jeez! Some people!!
I hope those idiots come to their senses and act like human beings (family, even!) and make this right. Jeez! Some people!!
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Thank you Least, yes I would say that is one of many very compelling reasons to stay away from the booze. Haven't heard a peep out of them since the middle of the night Monday. I'm hoping that they are okay and just can't get to a phone, from what I understand it can be difficult to call internationally sometimes. We're going to be basket cases until we hear from them.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
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Is this the same SIL that likes calling your old friends?
Not trying to make light of things. But if she is resourceful enough to do things like that.
They should be fine.
I hope it all works out for them. I know waiting is hard.
Not trying to make light of things. But if she is resourceful enough to do things like that.
They should be fine.
I hope it all works out for them. I know waiting is hard.
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"Is this the same SIL that likes calling your old friends?"
LOL, yep, you got it! Is it any wonder that she comes from this nutty family? And I agree, between the two of them they should be able to figure something out. I just wish they'd get to a phone and LET US KNOW. Thank you for your input. :o)
LOL, yep, you got it! Is it any wonder that she comes from this nutty family? And I agree, between the two of them they should be able to figure something out. I just wish they'd get to a phone and LET US KNOW. Thank you for your input. :o)
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Falling Down,
I once had a situation that you are reminding me of. It's a long story but I'll tell it - maybe it will distract you. Maybe it will help to express my empathy...
My 11 year old son was hiking in Spain with my father and my sister and her husband. Well, my BIL is an active alcoholic. At one point, he and my son were hiking further on the trail while my sister took my dad to a hospital because he had strep throat. My sis and dad were going to catch up with them via bus.
Apparently, at some point, my BIL (drunk) began behaving irradically and making sugggestive comments to women on the trail. This scared my son (of course) and he began to try to slow their progress so that my BIL couldn't catch up to a particular woman he had been harrassing. My BIL got angry and abusive toward my son, picking up a stick and yelling obsenities to the fact that he was going to beat him up.
My son had never seen this behavior in his uncle (I had no idea he was capable of it) and my son ran away into the woods. He ran through the woods and ahead of my BIL until he found the next resting cabin where there were other people. From there, he called me from a tourist's cell phone, hysterical, and fearing for his life.
On my end, I just missed my cell phone ringing and got a message from my hysterical 11 year old son saying, "Help, help me mom! OMG I'm lost on the trail and Jim is trying to get me and I don't know what to do! Help me mom! Help me!" He was sobbing and out of breath.
I felt like I had been punched and like I was going to faint. What could I do? I tried to call the cell phone back but it didn't work. I called my mom (who was not on the trip) and she called my sister who had no idea what had happened. She called her husband and he pretended nothing had happened and it was just a horrible mess. Finally my sis and my dad made it to the resting cabin where my son was and called me back to reassure me.
But the all-encompensing fear that locked up my body that day.... and the total and absolute lack of control..... I will never forget that feeling. There was absolutely nothing I could do but wait. It was horrible.
In the end, my relationship with both my sis (she backed up her husband's lies even though it was so mind-boggling absurd - the life of an enabler, I guess) and obviously my BIL will never be the same. That was 4 years ago. Now I kind of feel bad for them. They are both locked in so much misery.
And my son suffered quite a bit from the trauma but has healed, I think.
I think not having control - being unable to step forward with any kind of help - is so difficult. There is nothing I can think of that you can do in this situation with your family, other than pray. Prayer is a pretty powerful thing and I don't mean to say it's not. But not being able to know what's happening and not being able to, say, get in the car and go pick up your brother and family - that's some rough stuff. And I think it's mostly a lack of control.
Thinking about lack of control in your life in other places and how that has made you feel - what buttons it pushes, etc - might help a tiny bit. There is so little that we really have any control over. We have control over how we respond emotionally to the world around us. We have control over how we chose to act. But that's about it.
When events like this happen to us, I think it highlights that fact and terrifies us.
I'm sorry this is happening to your family right now. It sounds awful. Please keep us posted on what you learn. I'm praying for you and for your brother and family.
Hang in there.
I once had a situation that you are reminding me of. It's a long story but I'll tell it - maybe it will distract you. Maybe it will help to express my empathy...
My 11 year old son was hiking in Spain with my father and my sister and her husband. Well, my BIL is an active alcoholic. At one point, he and my son were hiking further on the trail while my sister took my dad to a hospital because he had strep throat. My sis and dad were going to catch up with them via bus.
Apparently, at some point, my BIL (drunk) began behaving irradically and making sugggestive comments to women on the trail. This scared my son (of course) and he began to try to slow their progress so that my BIL couldn't catch up to a particular woman he had been harrassing. My BIL got angry and abusive toward my son, picking up a stick and yelling obsenities to the fact that he was going to beat him up.
My son had never seen this behavior in his uncle (I had no idea he was capable of it) and my son ran away into the woods. He ran through the woods and ahead of my BIL until he found the next resting cabin where there were other people. From there, he called me from a tourist's cell phone, hysterical, and fearing for his life.
On my end, I just missed my cell phone ringing and got a message from my hysterical 11 year old son saying, "Help, help me mom! OMG I'm lost on the trail and Jim is trying to get me and I don't know what to do! Help me mom! Help me!" He was sobbing and out of breath.
I felt like I had been punched and like I was going to faint. What could I do? I tried to call the cell phone back but it didn't work. I called my mom (who was not on the trip) and she called my sister who had no idea what had happened. She called her husband and he pretended nothing had happened and it was just a horrible mess. Finally my sis and my dad made it to the resting cabin where my son was and called me back to reassure me.
But the all-encompensing fear that locked up my body that day.... and the total and absolute lack of control..... I will never forget that feeling. There was absolutely nothing I could do but wait. It was horrible.
In the end, my relationship with both my sis (she backed up her husband's lies even though it was so mind-boggling absurd - the life of an enabler, I guess) and obviously my BIL will never be the same. That was 4 years ago. Now I kind of feel bad for them. They are both locked in so much misery.
And my son suffered quite a bit from the trauma but has healed, I think.
I think not having control - being unable to step forward with any kind of help - is so difficult. There is nothing I can think of that you can do in this situation with your family, other than pray. Prayer is a pretty powerful thing and I don't mean to say it's not. But not being able to know what's happening and not being able to, say, get in the car and go pick up your brother and family - that's some rough stuff. And I think it's mostly a lack of control.
Thinking about lack of control in your life in other places and how that has made you feel - what buttons it pushes, etc - might help a tiny bit. There is so little that we really have any control over. We have control over how we respond emotionally to the world around us. We have control over how we chose to act. But that's about it.
When events like this happen to us, I think it highlights that fact and terrifies us.
I'm sorry this is happening to your family right now. It sounds awful. Please keep us posted on what you learn. I'm praying for you and for your brother and family.
Hang in there.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 300
Wow Ms. MLE thank you for such an insightful response, how terrifying for you AND your son. I am so glad he came out of it okay and I hope he continues to heal from this.
"Thinking about lack of control in your life in other places and how that has made you feel - what buttons it pushes, etc - might help a tiny bit. There is so little that we really have any control over. We have control over how we respond emotionally to the world around us. We have control over how we chose to act. But that's about it."
I know, I understand exactly what you mean here. Lack of control is a big button pusher for me. I can't just hop in my car and go see if they are alright since they are so far away. A plane ride there takes 24 hours. It's hard for my mom and I to decide if we should just wait until Saturday (when they're scheduled to be home) or do we need to take action before then? We don't really know how to handle it, but it sure helps to have some feedback from my friends here. Thank you for sharing that story with me, I know it couldn't have been easy to have to rehash it but it helped.
"Thinking about lack of control in your life in other places and how that has made you feel - what buttons it pushes, etc - might help a tiny bit. There is so little that we really have any control over. We have control over how we respond emotionally to the world around us. We have control over how we chose to act. But that's about it."
I know, I understand exactly what you mean here. Lack of control is a big button pusher for me. I can't just hop in my car and go see if they are alright since they are so far away. A plane ride there takes 24 hours. It's hard for my mom and I to decide if we should just wait until Saturday (when they're scheduled to be home) or do we need to take action before then? We don't really know how to handle it, but it sure helps to have some feedback from my friends here. Thank you for sharing that story with me, I know it couldn't have been easy to have to rehash it but it helped.
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Dgillz suggested the American Embassy which I hope they have thought of. I think it's a good idea. But I wonder if you could call the embassy there and relate their plight? Who knows - maybe the Embassy could ask the local police to look into it... I don't know how these international relationships work but it might just help to get some feedback and also to take some action... (?)
Thanks for your response to my story. I almost didn't write it because I didn't want to take the focus off of what you're going through right now. I'm glad it didn't do that.
Thanks for your response to my story. I almost didn't write it because I didn't want to take the focus off of what you're going through right now. I'm glad it didn't do that.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: VA
Posts: 111
Fallingdown, wow, what a horrible situation for your brother and his family! One thing that you might be able to try from your side is to contact the Croatian embassy here in the US. They might be able to give you more information about where your family is stuck if they have records akin to our DMV that they can check based on their name or whatnot.
Also, I think the recommendation to contact the US Embassy is a good one, they might have some kind of protocols they can go through to try and help.
You and your family are in my prayers, I hope they are safe and get home soon.
-ms
Also, I think the recommendation to contact the US Embassy is a good one, they might have some kind of protocols they can go through to try and help.
You and your family are in my prayers, I hope they are safe and get home soon.
-ms
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
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Moral of the story - do not travel internationally with active alcoholics.
On a more serious note, I think the American Embassy would be the right thing to do. They could hopefully find them shelter and a way out of this mess. Prayers going up for your family (even SIL).
On a more serious note, I think the American Embassy would be the right thing to do. They could hopefully find them shelter and a way out of this mess. Prayers going up for your family (even SIL).
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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Just a quick update folks. Apparently the entire 2 week trip was one very long binge for my bro's in-laws and apparently their drunkeness made them feel entitled to tell my brother what they "really" think of him...the entire trip. But most importantly, they are all back in the states safely. I think there are going to be some serious changes in store for my brother due to what happened, but me and my mom and dad are standing behind him 100%. I thank you all for your thoughts and prayers during this strange and difficult time. Hope you all have a great, sober day today!
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Falling,
I am so glad to hear that they are safe and sound and back in the States! I hope your brother is able to find some lessons that help him in all of this. It sounds like it was a total nightmare. You should tell him that all your friends here at SR were praying for him and his family.
- MLE
I am so glad to hear that they are safe and sound and back in the States! I hope your brother is able to find some lessons that help him in all of this. It sounds like it was a total nightmare. You should tell him that all your friends here at SR were praying for him and his family.
- MLE
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