tryingtofly

I've been thinking a lot lately of going back and trying another alanon meeting. I've only been to one meeting and it wasn't the experience I thought it was going to be.
The one thing I'm stuck on is "my HP". I know that it can be anything (even a sofa), but I don't understand how that works.
The humour side of me keeps joking that my HP will be either my dog or my bottle of HP sauce, but how do you put that into reality? How in the world would I put my decisions in the hands (paws?) of my dog or a bottle of steak sauce?

Barbara52

Its a matter of recognizing and accepting that you do not control those things you do not control. That's the way I see handing it off to one's HP. Its not who or what that HP is. Its believing that you do not control, are powerless over the things that bring you to AA or AlAnon or whatever. And in accepting that you are powerless over some "thing", you change your focus from that "thing" to those "things" you can control and change.

Tazman53

Sit down and write down what you would like your HP to be like on a piece of paper. Now go out on a star lite night, stare into the vastness of it all and ask if in all of the universe if there is not a possible Power like what you have written down.

Surely there is a power greater then you and your A, if you are simply willing to beleive that, then you have a beginning!

Just being willing to beleive is really all it takes to start, I know more then one person who simply prayed with a willingness to beleive in an HP and found his.

starflier

I've also had a lot of trouble with the concept of a higher power. For me, the only thing that makes sense is to think of my HP as what we commonly refer to as the "laws of nature." Really, just the natural laws that rule our world, such as when you throw something up in the air, you can be sure it will come back down again. When you put a wolf and a lamb together in a pen, you know which one will survive. If you expose your skin to sub-zero temperatures, you can expect it to freeze. All those things that are true in our natural world.

The truth of the laws of nature are evident in our daily lives with the alcoholic. If we rant and rave, strive to control everything, and focus only on what we fantasize and not on what is really ours to own, we can be sure that nothing will change until we change.

For me, turning my life over to a higher power means turning my life over to the natural laws of nature. What will be will be, and no amount of my trying to control my A's life or recovery will change anything. I only have control over myself. Hope that makes sense.

Bernadette

Hiya trying to fly--
My first HP when I got into AlAnon WAS my cat. Boris. He was a good guy (RIP)!!

I love everything Barb, Taz, and Starflier said . All spot on. It really doesn't matter and in the big book it says

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

So the point is JUST DO IT!!
Get to the concept of turning things we cannot control over.
Over to what/who? It doesn't matter - we simply have to accept we are not that powerful and have been making ourselves sick trying to control things we cannot control.

I was in so much pain when I first got into AlAnon I just did what I wish my alcoholic brothers would do and I Followed Directions! I tried not to waste too much energy on analyzing and deciding if "this AlAnon stuff is for me?" I just went with the program.

Alcoholics will find any excuse not to change. I didn't want to be that person. I mean, did I WANT to change or not? Was the way i was thinking and reacting to my brothers and really, to all my impoortant relationships, working? Hell no! So when AlAnon suggested a higher power I did not resist for too long I just said fine, MEOWWW, and moved FORWARD!!

Now, almost 20 years since my first AlAnon meeting, Mary is my higher power! I've gone from a lapsed Catholic to a strange pagan Mary worshipper! Doesn't matter. When I pray to her and hand things over to her that I cannot control, like my brother's health and welfare, I am working my program and saving my sanity & my life. One Day at a Time.

The important thing is the CONCEPT.
So even if you find AlAnon is not for you- the concept of accepting what you cannot control is huge if you love/live with an alcoholic. All of the one-on-one counseling I've had over the years includes this concept.

The step of turning it over to an HP is actually a comfort measure for me, it takes me out of the emotional pain and helps settle my mind on things I can change. It's just a program. a system, to stop the habitual knee-jerk thinking & toxic reactions and make space for the new thoughts, the active, positive ideas.

Good luck!
Peace,
B.