katydid420

I feel as though I am officially down and out. After 8 years with my husband and his alcohol addiction, I am about ready to give up. We both work in the criminal justice system in a small community and he recently received a DUII, hit and run, reckless driving, and recklessly endangering another person charges. We have two small children, and I don't know where else to turn. He also has other addictions and always promises to get help, but never follows through. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

prodigal

Read the stickies at the top of our forum. Have you read some of the posts here? How about trying Al-Anon meetings in your area? It is suggested you try six meetings before deciding whether or not it works for you. You may also want to go into counseling.

I'm sure it has become fairly clear to you by now that his promises are empty ones. He has no desire to give up his addictions. Addicts will pay us lip service by saying things like, "I know I need to get help." Yeah, so why aren't you DOING anything about it?

They'll talk a great deal. But it's all talk, no action. It keeps them active in their addiction and it keeps us hooked into believing that maybe this time they will get the help they need.

Back in March, my AH looked at me and said, "I know I have a drinking problem," to which I responded, "Yeah, and I have blond hair, so what of it?"

Living with an A and putting up with the insanity wears us all down. When I came to the end of myself, I finally went to an Al-Anon meeting and got into counseling. I also kept reading and posting here. It helped. I hope we can be of support to you. We all know how difficult it is living with an A in our lives.

i4getsm

What are the consequences of the charges against him? Is his job in jeopardy? If you can, stand back and allow him to suffer those consequences. It is not your job to protect him from his own actions or to find a lawyer for him or to hide the news from anyone else. When we stop enabling, they start paying attention because they are no longer protected from the consequences.

I'm sorry you are going through this. You aren't alone. I'm also a mom of two small children, and I know how incredibly difficult it can be to live with an A. I also know how hard it can be to leave when you have babies. Just know that you can change your life and theirs. (((HUGS))) Hang in there. Keep posting. Read the stickies at the top. This forum has quite literally changed my whole way of thinking.

McKrazy

There's only one person you can control and that's you. Do everything that you can to get the help and support that you need to be able to make the boundaries and choices that you need to put into place for you to live in peace. The counseling suggestion is a great place to start and reading whatever you can find about boundaries and how to make them with love and respect for you and your AH. I'm so sorry for your pain. We can all understand how it can take someone over and paralyze them. Try to make one positive decision and then each day "do the next right thing". pray lots and learn to listen to and trust your own voice. It was the one you were born with, it's the reflexive voice that tells you that something is painful or wrong and it's the one that we who live with addicts, too easily ignore when their louder, more "definitive" voice drowns it out. Trust yourself!

bookwyrm

Just wanted to add to the excellent advice you've already been given. Try reading Melody Beattie's 'Co-dependant No More'. It's a book I can't recommend highly enough - it really opened my eyes to how I have been living for the past 18 years!

You'll find, as you learn more about alcoholism from here and other books, that you need to stop focussing on your AH and concentrate on YOU. Your husband is a grown up, responsible for his own actions.

You'll discover the three C's - didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it.

Best of all, you'll find a lot of support and care in the forums here! You are NOT alone! :ghug3