My weekend

Old 07-28-2008, 08:43 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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My weekend

Hello,

I explained last week about my AH staying out all night and calling him in to work. By the way, thanks for all the great advice.

I tried to leave on Friday night. He called and said that I will not take his daughter from him. He was sober too. I came home. I told him I would never take his daughter from him, but he won't take her from me either. He said he had one x take away his first daughter and I won't do the same. I have never treated him like his x did.

I also told him about how our babysitter heard that he was in town at 12:30 a.m. last week very drunk and that it got back to her. Big mistake. He called and yelled at her. Very embarrassing. Of course, she ended up apologizing to him.

I also told him that we probably weren't invited camping with out niece and nephew because he drinks too much. Once again, big mistake. He called them. Anyways this was all turned around on me and I was the bad guy.

As I am typing this, I realize I should have just kept my mouth shut. I went into full force codependence, didn't I? He turned this whole situation around to turn it on me and I let him. I asked him how we could get along better, and he told me to keep things between us and not the whole world. (I know this is his way of still getting drunk, but not paying any consequences because I will sit back and watch and keep my big mouth shut).

I never have really seen him be this mean when he is sober. Maybe he was going through withdrawals because he hadn't had anything all day.

Thanks again for listening. I am welcome to all advice.

Chris
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Old 07-28-2008, 09:06 AM
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Ahhh, I know how tempting it is to communicate with them.

My DH did some "nice" things for me this past weekend. Yet, he had to throw a few zingers in there with them. Like, my best friend was here visiting. My DH was doing the dishes. So he had to make a crack about how much work he does around the house and yet I still complain. What a joke. Put my friend on the spot. Fortunately, my best friend is quite aware of his drunk manipulation and would blast him into next week if he ever really brought up marital responsibilities.

Anyway, he did a few other "nice" things too.... still followed by little zingers which are typically full of resentment. See, my DH was drunk out of his mind a week from last Sunday, so he cruised right through the sorry/ashamed/melancholy/sadsack phase Mon-Wed, then moved straight into justification/minimizing/resentment stage Thursday through Sunday. Several times during phase 2, he wanted to be intimate with me. Okay, he just called me fat about 10 times 8 days ago while drunk.

While I was tempted to explain to him that he doesn't get to dictate how long I take to feel like getting naked again in front of the same person who spits out that I'm fat (slobbering/eyes darting around in his skull/new temp veneers making him look like a rabbit...... "you'rrrrre fhfhfhaatttttt"), I keep having to remind myself that as long as HE chooses to drink, HIS world revolves around HIM. Everything revolves around HIM.

He's sorry.
He's drunk.
He wants sex.
He's mad.
He's resentful.

So any "I" statement I were to make to him are like dropping beads of water on a fire. They get blown away.

It's just useless to really communicate with someone as long as they are consumed with an addiction. The bottle speaks and they listen, and that is all.

I believe this is why everyone here chimes in with "What are you going to do about it?" so often. You should be taking steps, whatever they might be, to gain your sanity. And trying to gain your sanity through explaining things to your DH just isn't going to work.

Don't feel bad if you do it, I end up discussing AH's addiction with him more than I should sometimes also. But I also realize it gets me NOWHERE.
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Old 07-28-2008, 09:40 AM
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He is a bully isn't he? Sounds just like my ex. Calling up everyone and basically intimidating them into submission, the actions of a control freak and bully IMO.

You should read the thread http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post1835848

This is his way of keeping you under HIS control and making sure you have no one to tell the truth to. It is abusive. Please do not allow him to enforce this rule with you - IMHO it is way out of order!!!
If you have something you wish to say, you should never feel you should just keep your mouth shut. I did this for far too long and it drove me to insanity!

His nastiness when sober - this too happened to my exabf. After a while of continuous alcohol abuse, the personality is affected. So that even when not drinking, they still act out like drunk. it is aprogression of the disease, and what is known as ''dry drunk''

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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