Negative Man

Well, we've had a lot of success lately with people climbing through the Two Week (2 of them!) and Under Boards, the One Month Board, the 60 Days Board, and the 90 Days board. To me, success is people simply coming back.

So, I'd like to create this new thread where EVERYONE is welcome. And that said, I'd like the focus to be on WHAT IS WORKING FOR US? This should be a thread where newcomers with any days can come and pick up some tips and tricks, and of course, support.

So, please let's keep the other boards humming along, and we can all stop by here any time.

Welcome!

-- Negative Man

Negative Man

And with that, I'll get the ball rolling. I've got 86 days today, and I'm climbing towards 90. I'd never had more than 40 before. Things that have worked for me:

1. Shopping around for an AA meeting that I like, then committing to being there every day. I've done about 95 meetings in 86 days.

2. Getting a sponsor and doing whatever he tells me to do. I asked people I trusted about who would be a good sponsor, and they said "_____, but he's a drill sergeant." That's good. I needed a drill sergeant.

3. I don't have a problem with the first drink. I'm find after one drink. Except... it leads me to the second and then on to the ninth. So I just concentrate on not picking up the first drink. If I stay away from that, then I feel better.

4. I believe that a Higher Power lives inside of me, and that he wants me to feel good so that I can be useful to others. When I stay close to him, I make good decisions.

5. Phone calls!! I have the phone numbers of about ten people with a variety of sobriety, and every day I call two of them. They are amazingly helpful and supportive. Usually, I can be helpful to them too. I really look forward to those calls.

6. I fly my Freak Flag. By this I mean: I'm a bit of a freak. And I've stopped trying to hide this from people. I try to be me, and that helps me find out who I am. I send that flag right up the flag pole!

7. I get set right in the mornings by reading some AA literature, by meditating, and by setting simple goals for my day like "I'm going to be nice to people today," or "I'm going to be more friendly today," or "I'm going to push through my anxiety a little more today."

Well, there's a lot more, but that gets things started. I really look forward to what others post.

Rock on!

Anna

What works for me is balance.

Every day, I do something physical, like a long walk. I do something spiritual, such as meditating. And, I do something mental, such as writing on the gratitude thread, journalling, listening to music I love. And, always SR.

tommyk

"6. I fly my Freak Flag. By this I mean: I'm a bit of a freak. And I've stopped trying to hide this from people. I try to be me, and that helps me find out who I am. I send that flag right up the flag pole!"

Thanks NegMan, I have 14 years clean and I'm still bothered by some 'freak' characteristics.

I'm going to use some of your experience and fly my freak flag a bit more openly too.

Thanks for sharing.

Surlyredhead

GRATITUDE!!!!

I thank God every evening for another day clean and sober!!!

I hear people complaining about getting up to go to work, I tell them it is a lot better than getting up and looking for a job!!!!

I am also an oddball/freak...I wouldn't have it any other way....being normal is WAY overrated...besides, who sets the standards..maybe we ARE the normal ones...hummmm?!?!?!?

cmhcali

I think this is a great thread.

For me I am definitely trying to learn what works and have a long way to go. So far it has been.

1) Going to Meetings.
2) Calling my sponsor everyday no matter how much I want to isolate,
3) Trying to make a conscience effort to reach out to people and let them know I am new.
4) Reading AA material
5) Praying everyday the best I know how and trying to connect better with god

Dee74

two of the most important things for me were admitting I was an alcoholic, and helping others.

Admitting I'm alcoholic is a no brainer - it means I can never drink again.

Helping others tho not only took me out of myself and made me see I wasn't the centre of the Universe or the only one with problems....but it also, paradoxically, made me feel good about myself, and made me look again at what I had been doing to myself - for years.

I found I was a better man than the way I'd been treating myself - and I think realising that made all the difference.

D

Ananda

what's working for me today is going to AA meetingss (3 minimum). Maintaining friendships with other sober women. talking with others and encouraging others who are trying to find sobriety. Sponsoring as asked to the best of my ability. Being sponsored by someone who I am comfortable with. Steps.

My main focus lately is on how to be honest about who I am with others in relationships. Not shutting down when I am not at the same place they are. Not pushing my views on others and accepting that who I am changes daily.

That focus is helping me to learn how to deal with life without drinking...by not feeling like I am walking through a minefield every day wondering when the bouncing betty is going to go off!

Toomutch

Whats working for me:

1. Prayer
2. SR
3. support from family and friends
4. Remembering all the turmoil drinking caused my family.
5. And of course - I like to fly my freak flag too

least

One important thing has been keeping me sober the last two weeks - fear! Fear of having to go back and doing again. My last withdrawal was so awful I didn't think I'd live thru it. Not DTs or anything, just unbearably anxious and felt HORRIBLE.

I also ask God for a sober day and thank Him for 'this' sober day at the end of the day. :praying

I also get a lot of good from other members. This site is important to my sobriety.

thank you all for making it easier to stop drinking.

:ghug

gravity

I went full out on my recovery since day 1.

The guidance of an experienced sponsor.
Read the Big Book in its entirety. It helped to get the full picture early on.
Committed to working the 12 steps no matter what. I embraced the steps and will continue to live them to the best of my ability.
Meetings – twice a week.

I have been sober since December and the change is unbelievable. I was a guy who went on three day benders, hated myself, hated the world, hurting everyone around me. I felt so alone. Today, I don’t want to drink, people can drink around me and it doesn’t bother me, I have repeatedly said no to offers. Alcohol has no place in my life. I am at peace, I am focused, I accept who I am. I don’t live in the past burdened by guilt. I am not scared of the future. I am a better father, husband, friend, and employee. Life is good, exciting even!

Other important aspects of my ongoing recovery:

My family – my wife, sister, and uncles are behind me 100%
Sober Recovery – this site is just incredible, it’s the people – just awesome
Self help books – more of a spiritual nature
Fitness & nutrition

There were many struggles along the way, more to come most likely. There were days when I may have taken a step backward but I did not drink. I had to get through it all to get to where I am today.

Aysha

Well as most of you know. I am not quite a newcomer..But I seem to always be starting over again and again.
I have never had more than 90 days. I am not even half way there yet.
But I have been trying more and doing things differently with every attempt.

I would have to say the biggest ones for me that works is..

Getting out of my own way. I dont know jack. And it took me a long time to relize it.

Not getting too confident or comfortable in recovery. Thats when that AV comes knocking like the big bad wolf.

Effort..The biggest one of them all. With effort and putting some kind of work into recovery. It just doesnt happen by itself.

Letting go...Hard as well...Letting go of all people..places and things. That was so tough for me. Especially people. And letting go of things that have no place in my future. The past is gone. Serenity prayer is good for that one.

Keeping an open mind....All my thinking got me nowhere.

And most of all...Making it sink in that this really is life or death. I have a hard time believing that sometimes. Mostly because it is what life has been for so many years. It is just normal now. Or was. I can and will die if I keep using.

Thats all I got for now.

Time2Surrender

Negative Man, you have really contributed a lot to SoberRecovery in the short time youve been here. I like the threads youve posted. Pretty cool man. What works for me? I can tell you plenty that doesnt work for me. I was clean for 2 1/2 years. I got complacent. I went out for what I was convinced would be one night and it lasted 9 months. Yeah , I cant stop once I start. I am an addict. Thank God I made it back. I now have 15 days. It will be 16 in a few minutes here. Im really too tired to type anything tonight. Just read your thread and wanted to say hi. Mike

butterfly19

This is a great idea NM! Thanks for thinking of it! I still consider myself a newcomer even if I do have nearly 4 months of sobriety! I certainly have found that recently I need to remind myself I'm still in "early" recovery. I was trying to jump the gun, so to speak!

So what helps me stay sober:

1. Attending meetings here at SR!
   
2. Meeting new friends here every week and being able to give advice b/c I know what it is like to feel lost and hopeless!
3. Chatting with special friends who have been here since the beginning who lift me up when I am down and being able to return the favor!
4. Being blessed with a wonderful family--especially my Mom who is always supportive and loves me unconditionally!
5. The Serenity Prayer--recently I had been wanting to find something with the prayer on it, and I was fortunate to find a key chain that I carry with me always!
6. Being able to meditate and bring myself closer to God and Mother Earth

These are just a few of the things that help keep me sober. I look forward to finding more and more things every day and being able to share them with you all! Thanks for all the great posts! Keep doing whatever you're doing to survive this battle and conquer it once and for all!

Much Love and Peace to All,

butterfly19 (SP)

:ghug2

22NGONE

Negative Man,

Always love your posts. What works for me? Prayer, morning and night, reading the 24 hour a day book, the big book, AA Meetings, service to AA (Chairing, Coffee, etc.), helping others, talking to my Sponsor, talking to new guys, reading and posting here, going to Church and exercise.

John

Negative Man

Such great posts here. You know, I also wanted to add about some positives that have happened to me in these 88 days:

1. My resentments have disappeared. I didn't think this was possible.

2. New things/interactions still provoke fear in me, but nowhere near they did before. I feel that I can push through so many of them. And then I'm glad that I did, because then they're not new to me anymore and I can enjoy them.

3. My memory is much, much better. My brain's not so scrambled. Things that were difficult for me: just keeping up with the mail, the household chores, paying bills, shopping, answering the phone... these all seem commonplace to me now and I actually enjoy doing them (except for paying the bills!).

4. I've put up pictures and art that make me happy around the house and I listen to music that makes me happy.

5. I don't feel that I have to do everything right. Before it was either all or nothing. And usually nothing! Now, I just try my best. I'm okay with not doing so well.

That's a little bit of a gratitude list for me. As people have said above, gratitude lists are essential. I pay attention to the glass that is 80% full, instead of saying that the glass is 20% empty. That 20% always seemed like 100% to me.

I'd love to hear more from people. All of this advice has been very helpful for me to read and write..

JigOvLife

Definitely find that music helps,I've moved away from the Nine Inch Nails side of my personality to those happy, encouraging bands I used to listen to back in the nineties before the claws properly sunk in.

Exercise though I haven't done a lot since I found this place!

Chamomile tea,I sing it's praises for its (very mild ) relaxing properties. My gimme gimme head demands some kind of neurological change and thats all its getting,tough!
A couple of weeks ago I discovered this Thai version of red bull,went nutty on it for 3 days and barked at anyone within range.No more.

Oh and my sobriety tattoo,seeing it all day encapsulates all the good stuff I learnt in AA

SlvrMag

I have 52 days drug-free. The other times I "tried" to quit, I was quitting because my husband found my pipe or my stash again and so I said "fine, I'll stop this time"....yeah, that didn't last more than 2 weeks!

Now, it's different. I want to stop, I go to meetings and log in here. I realized that I CANNOT do it alone!

I excercise (maybe not as much as I should, but I am working on that!) and I eat better and that helps alot.

TheBean

I don't know what is working for me. I just decided to do it, and for some reason it worked. Setting small goals has been a good thing, and I have gradually increased the goals. I started with "try to get through 24 hours" and progressed to a few days, a week, a month, etc. Finding this website has also been great. AA doesn't do it for me for whatever reason, but I spend at least an hour a day on here reading other people's wisdom... I also have a great therapist, though I can't afford to go very often. What is keeping me sober today is knowing that I only have to be sober today. Tomorrow I can drink if I want to. But chances are I'll wake up tomorrow thinking the same thing, and my sobriety will live to fight another day. That's what has helped me get this far. Also, I am bribing myself with a present for my 6 months!