Startingover2

I have a couple of Alanon books that I read from time to time. I have been trying to read them more lately in hopes of detaching from my AH and not let what he does/doesn't do affect me. I have been to a few meetings but none lately because of the baby but want to try to attend soon.

Anyway, do I keep this secret from my AH? I have the books hidden and read them only when I am alone. I would like to keep the Courage to Change next to my bed so I can pick it up first thing in the morning or whenever I need a lift.

I don't want to rub it in his face or make him feel bad, but not sure if hidden is good either.

Bernadette

Hiya Startingover2--
It doesn't matter. Books out, books hidden. You have to do what is right for you!

The fact that you are worried about the impact on HIM of seeing those books, or seeing you read those books, is a strong indication that you are still focusing on HIM and his alcoholism is running the show.

AAArrrgh!! It is such an insidious and sneaky disease. It worms its way into our families to the point where we have to ask a question like this!! They are books! They are books you are reading to help you deal with REALITY. You are combatting the formidable foe of codependecy while trying to live with an ALCOHOLIC. That's the truth. And you need guidance and help. Honestly, its none of his business - if it is what you need for your recovery then for God's sakes sleep with it on your forehead if you have to!!!!

If he is affronted at the sight of a book about CHANGE that is HIS problem. You're not doing anything wrong nor are you, (are you?) leaving the book around EXPECTING it to impact him.

I loved Courage to Change when I first got into AlAnon too.

Recovery requires strength - and we all have it in us - it just may be untapped or weak from years of misdirection. Be strong and courageous in your recovery and in the face of his opinions (quacking anyway!). If he picks a fight about it just be cool and nonchalant - you're not asking HIM to read it. It's for YOU.

Peace and courage!!
B.

starflier

I know exactly how you feel. When I first started reading Codependency No More, I kept it in a plastic bag and made sure never to leave it out. As I began to see myself in the book, and began trying to live the steps and trying to detach and change myself, I began to feel a sense of pride in myself. For the first time, I might add. And, I now leave the book wherever I want to. By the side of the bed, on the dining room table, in the bathroom, wherever I want to. I don't care who sees it. It's MY book and it's for ME.

CatsPajamas

I kept my books out of site for awhile, and I went to a lot of meetings before he knew about them. I needed to do that for me... and I needed to get the strength the books and meetings had to offer so I could set my boundaries and continue to go and continue to get the wonderful benefits even after he told me he didn't want me to go any more. At that time I could stand up and say "its not about you, it's about me and I'm going to continue."