dolphy

Do you think it's a defense mechanism used to protect ourselves from ever getting disappointed?

In this program, I suddenly realize that I have so many negative attitudes even though at work you would find me to be the most outgoing friendly positive person there is. I find myself uncomfortable with the awareness of how negative I am and how unpleasant I can be when I'm in a bad mood.

So how do I keep a positive attitude while I face all this really negative stuff about myself? I guess what I normally do is avoid this stuff. I guess I feel blah at the whole realization all together.

Thanks for letting me share. I am grateful for these forums.

rozied

Its easy to be negative when dealing with an addict. What negativity about yourself are you facing?

itisatruth

Thanks for sharing; I am grateful for SR as well.

Is it kind of like don't get your hopes up too high because you will only be let down? I feel that way a lot. It's like I want things to work out, I want to believe in what my AH tells me, but I have been let down too many times to really believe it.

For me, I see negativity as a result of dealing with addiction. What I mean is, some days I can deal with the lies and problems and some days I can't. On the days I can't-- when things just get too much for me, when I can't detach, when I can't ignore it (denial), or when I just cannot cope........it turns into negativity and sarcasm-- a very unhappy me.

In my job, I have to be "up" all day -- positive, social, and productive. As a coping mechanism, I have learned to shut out everything else. I can smile and laugh one minute, only to go to my office for my break, shut the door, and cry the next. But at home, I sometimes become a total you know what. I do not like that part of me.

The best thing about this program of recovery is that we can learn about these things and learn healthier ways to deal with them. I'm not there yet, but I look forward to a time when I can deal with it all. I guess we need to give ourselves time to work the process.

patchoulli

A lot of times I feel negativity also..It usually comes from not being able to do the things I want to do or not getting my own way...I have days when It is constant and like a heavy weight, no joy at all...Those times, I talk out loud to god [pray], and I take a walk, put some patchoulli oil on, maybe some lipstick, look around and find something to be grateful for...If we look at our lives, there is a lot here that is wonderful...Our children, our friends that we attract with this program that nurture us...I never had friends in my life that I was able to be myself completely with until my world caved in...If Im feeling that way, I talk to someone that cares about me...You can talk to us...we are here for you...Peace for you today...Marian

dolphy

I guess I never thought of it as a RESULT of addiction. That's interesting, and seems fitting. I guess it's also a comfortable habit. Maybe it starts with an attitude of willingness. Thanks to Al-Anon, we are now empowered to make different choices. It is ultimately us who are responsible for our own attitudes, and no one else.

I'm so negative, I use it as a way to force other people to give a damn. I use it as a way to make others take care of me instead of taking on that task myself. It's the lazy way out and it's an uncomfortable truth.

thankyou =)

Today I am grateful for a willingness to be honest and for a place like this where I feel safe

greeteachday

As Patch said, I too found the best way to shed negativity was to find gratitude. Early in working my program, I made gratitude lists almost daily. It gave me perspective. It became habit...It is possible to create a habit of looking at things in a positive light and chasing away the desire to be the victim. Now such a view is as much a part of the norm for me as looking at the negative was before program.

Hugs

justjo

JJ And yes, being thankful for everything you have, not just material things but who you are and the lessons you have learned. I learned that - if something happened to me or someone said something that made me think twice / to sit and think about what message I was getting and use it.