anubus

Sorry to keep posting, but I really need some support here if I am gonna follow this through!! My deadline is getting pretty close, and I'm chickening out.......HELP!!! I posted a few days ago, about his stuff still being here, including an illegal van which is still registered to a dead woman from years back (she committed suicide, long story).

Okay, so some WEIRD things have been happening!! It's really scaring me!! Okay, so I tried to phone his cell phone on friday, it was filled & wouldn't accept any new messages. So then I phoned his 19 year old daughters cell phone, and left a message that he needed to pick his stuff up by Sunday or I was gonna park his ilegal van at a local shopping center. I have not recieved ANY response!! I even called the county jail thinking maybe he was picked up for the warrrant, but they say he isn't there. Just WEIRD. So I have NO IDEA where he is at, and it's been 1 week.

As for the other weird stuff.........first, the van used to start without a key....but he must have done something to it, because on Friday i couldn;t get it started. I have a bunch of old keys that I saved from other vehicles, so tried those & low & behold, the 3rd key I tried (after praying......yikes), WORKED. So I moved the van out of my garage, into the yard, hoping to make a statement to him that I was serious...........must not have worked, because as I mentioned.......no call.

I decided to take some of his expensive tools out of the van, because obviously they will be stolen or inpounded if I leave the van someplace........so I'd rather HAVE then myself then have them stolen by some crack head (IS THAT CODI????? UGH.....).
In the process of checking his van. I found a safe-box which I kinda figured had the title to the van in it. I didn't have the key for it, but for whatever reason (GOD?????) I threw it in the trunk of my car. Kinda forgot about it..........then today oddly I got called out early in the morning to do something, and when returning to my car............the tire was almost FLAt. So I headed to my mechanic/friend. He put air in the tire, then we started talking about "HIM", and I remembered the safe box in my trunk. Long story short, they got the van title out of this box, without hurting the actual lock etc...my mechanic/friend knew how to pick the lock., then close it again...my XBF will never know it was tampered with!!! And I have the title to this van.

SO.......now I am feeling that the best solution to all of this is to JUNK THE damn VAN, as opposed to leaving it in a shopping center lot. I will probably get some $$ junk price ($200?) for it (will help with my bills after supporting HIM for 2 years), and this poor dead woman who the van is registered to will finally be able to rest in peace...........WHEH.........not that I beleive in spirits or dead living, but the Karma thing is hitting me big time!! This poor woman junked this van years ago, then committed suicide!! My XBF somehow got the van, and has been driving it illegally ever since. As crazy as it sounds, I just feel that ther is bad Karma on this freaking van. If I leave it at the shopping plaza, it is gonna open a BIG can of worms........the van is regia=stered to this dead woman, the sticker on the plate is registered to HIS daughter;s boyfriends name to another vehicle, the inspection/emmisssions stickers are expired, but illegal to begin with.........just TOO MUCH of a bag of worms to open!!! Easier to junk it.

And it isn't like it's WORTH ANYTHING......it ahould have been junked LONG AGO. HE left a newspaper with 3 numbers circles for people who buy junk vehicles.

Sorry if I got off subject here...........highly emotional night, since he hasn't phoned with a "pick-up" plan.......I honestly didn't think it would come to this!!!!!!! . As mentioned, I'm starting to chicken out, and emotions of putting this dead womans life (untitled van/unfinished business) to peace are bothering me.....am I CRAzy????????????
My gut is teeling me to junk the van on Monday or Tuesday, keep the tools, and pitch the underwear........urgh...........HELP!!!!!!!!!!

lizw

I haven't read any previous posts on this so how long have you had his van for? Without him being there?

GiveLove

Anubus,

Are you stlll expecting a certain response from him on any of this? Seems so.

The only way you're going to find sanity is by making a decision that's best for you (I.e. getting his illegal property out of your life), doing it, and not attaching any particular outcome to it.

What do you care if he responds? What do you care if his tools are stolen (cover them with a blanket, who the hell cares? they're not yours) ? What does it matter if the title is in the box? Why do you want to involve yourself in selling this thing? Why is ANY of this your problem?

I'm not sure from your posts if you want to move on to a place of peace & serenity, or if you want to continue this weird dance of control, reaction, advantage....I guess I just don't get it.

Do you really think he'll be less likely to retaliate if you get money for the van, than if you just leave it somewhere(where you SAID you were going to) for him? I don't understand.

prodigal

It sounds like you're playing a head game with your own head. You haven't heard from the guy in a week. It's not like he seems to care. And it strikes me that he may have blocked your number from his cell phone.

Maybe he's holed up with a buddy or some other woman, or just tearing a bender and crashing with whomever he can. He is completely ignoring you and you are freaking out.

As I recall, the van is titled in your name, correct? So junk the thing. As far as his tools go, if he wanted him that badly I assume he would have gotten them by now. Possession is nine-tenths of the law. Sell them. Donate them to charity.

I one time pointed out several years ago to someone on F&F that while the codependent is getting migraines and ulcers, the A is zoned out beyond Pluto.

Maybe now is the time to step back from this situation, calm down a bit, and dispose of his stuff. Quietly. Calmly. You have given him ample opportunity to get his stuff. Just think about it: he may very well be remaining "invisible" just to get to you.

And he really isn't doing a thing to get you this worked up.

laurie6781

Call the police and ask them what you can do. This fellow lived with you "crashed" at your place and left this old van and some things, which are now in the van, how do you go about getting rid of he van, he is no where to be found.

Also check the tenant laws in your state, as he did live with you, even though he paid no rent they may come into play and you may have to abide by those (usually 30 days), then you are free to get rid of it anyway feasible.

Junk it if you can get a few bucks for it, or just call and have it towed away to a holding place, where he will have to show 'proof of ownership' to bail it out.'

The above, of course, is contingent on you wanting him and all of him that is left at your place gone.

Prodigal is correct, your head is playing games with you and you are over analyzing this whole situation. He is gone. Time to get rid of 'his stuff...'

J M H O

Love and hugs,

justjo

OK are you still living together? Why is the van still in your driveway if not? Am I reading this wrong. It seems neither one of you own this van. In Aust the registered owner owns the vehicle until it has been written off by a junkyard. Which seems was done by the original woman who died.
You have obviously known about this for sometime. I wouldnt do anything just now. He'll probably come back soon so let him sort this mess out. Id fill the van with all his stuff and tell him to get the hell out. If he isnt back by the end of the week, Id leave in on the front road. If someone else takes the van, who cares?? I dont believe I just said that. Is all of this worth a few hundred dollars.??
Stop being involved in the madness and move on.

ARealLady

Absolutely NO CONTACT was the biggest part of my healing process when I broke things off with XABF. I had many worries at the beginning that he would try to retaliate or seek revenge....and he did try some months later but I still maintained no contact.

He had a lot of stuff of mine which I decided to write off rather than requesting he return it. Eventually he mailed everything back, of his own accord, along with a number of gifts I had given him. And then he phoned to make sure I had received the package (I hung up on him when I heard his voice...no contact!!). He was doing his own codie dance but he was dancing on his own by then.

Anubus...you aren't in a good place, by your own admission. The lady who owned that van is dead.....why are you worrying about somebody who is gone? Your XA has gone because you chose to make him leave. Again, why are you worrying about somebody else who has gone? The codie dance isn't fun when you have a partner....it's a big waste of energy when you do it alone.

Leave the van as you originally planned to along with all his property. Take a friend if necessary as a witness. You gave your XA warning, you have tried to contact him, you have done all you can do. Now it's time for YOU!

By the way, I had a few of XABF's possessions when we split.....small things but "stuff" that I thought I should get to him. However, if I mailed things back it would mean breaking my own no contact boundary. I put everything out of sight and out of my way and one day threw most of it out. He probably forgot it was here.

ARL