cmhcali

So I had a really good day and then let a minor situation really consume me and now I have cried and feel like I failed.

I went to an AA meeting tonight. I was called on first to read from the big book. At the end they ask the remaining people to introduce themselves. I felt because I had read I did not need to and the kid sitting to my right said "I did not come to a meeting to remain Anonymous". He blamed me for him not introducing himself because I was sitting next to him. I got so mad but apologized and said I sorry I am Christin and I did not think I needed to introduce myself after reading. He said do not worry about it too much with insincerity.

I know I am taking him personally. I felt like telling him off and saying I did not realize it was my turn to introduce you....

How is this my fault? I am so upset as I have a hard time saying hi to anyone at meetings. I go everyday but am still isolating. I am considering more sharing meetings and sharing. I do not know what to do to forget this resentment. I do not even feel like going back to this meeting and I like it.

Needed to vent...

Aysha

I dont get what your saying.
He got mad at you for him not introducing himself??
Now I havent been to too many meetings. but I am pretty sure it is up to that person to introduce themselves.
Next time ask him if he needs you to hold his hand to the bathroom too.

cmhcali

Yes you nailed it. He got mad at me because I think he thought we were supposed to go in a row and I broke the domino effect so he did not introduce himself and yes blamed me...

lizw

It doesn't sound to me like you've failed at anything.

I've always found it quite easy to get into a postion with people at meetings, where I grate against them or them against me. And the anger is never big enough to cause a huge fight, but it sort of goes on irking me for awhile.

My head though (on the other hand) tells me I should've done all this other stuff and goes on and on about it, for days sometimes depending on what else is happening in my life.

Try not to give yourself such a hard time. You're not a mind reader.

deezaldog

Sounds like this kid has a problem other than drinking. You are not responsible for anybody but yourself. Why did'nt he speak up for himself? Any mtg you go to there will be someone like him. If he is blaming you for something he is not takeing responsibility for himself. When I first went to a mtg where someone consistenly said something I did not like I told another member about it and that I was not going to go to that mtg again. She took me to the list of traditions on the was and had me read the last tradition. It read "to place principles before personalities", now I do not allow someone else to stand in the way of my sobriety. I would say a prayer for this kid and move forward with my recovery. Good luck and keep going to meetings.

deezaldog

Chynita Great response!

1963comet

There were times I felt worse after leaving a meeting. Was in a good mood when I went in to. I know people say " take what you need and leave the rest". But some days there were more negitive than positive sharing.

So. I know how you feel.

CarolD

He was completely wrong.

To deal with resentments....I find the final paragraph
in our BB's "Freedom From Bondage" immensley helpful.

As you do like that meeting...go back
and make sure he's not sitting next to you again.
Get up and move if he sits down by you.

I'm really proud to see you read our BB aloud.
...that's positive progress on your part.

TTOSBT

cmhcali,
I am so sorry that you are hurt but I had to giggle at how absurd this person's response was. You did nothing wrong. Sounds like it is time for the Serenity Prayer.....
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change (someone else's crazy response to my not introducing myself)
The courage to change the things I can (my reaction to this person's statements and feelings)
And the wisdon to know the difference
:ghug:ghug

cmhcali

Thanks everyone. These responses were just what I needed. I really like everyone on SR... This place has become a home to me... I got to laugh, cry and feel good all in one thread... Now there are not many places you can go and feel that.

I am proud that you are becoming a second family and chiynita maybe I will make him his own bathroom pass for next week in case he is there (that made me laugh

Thanks everyone...

tommyk

Someone says to me, "I did not come to a meeting to remain Anonymous"

I reply, "I did, thanks for sharing", and I look the other way.

He is attempting to exert his control over you.

Truth be told I almost got into a fight with a guy who badgered me about the way I introduced myself. It was only after several conversations with my sponsor and my Higher Power that I came to realize it wasn't MY problem, unless I made it MY problem.

Best wishes toward a speedy 'forget about it'.

Aysha

It is alcoholics "Anonymous" ...right?
So what is this kid even talking about?
He didnt come here to remain anonymous.
Just goes to show that a simple meeting name totally flew over this kids head.
Dont feel bad for yourself. Feel bad for him.

cmhcali

Thank you everyone. I feel so much better It is his problem not mine and I need to that. Tommy I like that response. It is a good one... Chiynita thanks again!!! And everyone else you are such a blessing in my life. I was feeling down but thinks are looking up.

Last Call

In the meetings I attend you pretty much introduce yourself EVERY TIME YOU SPEAK. So if I was one of the people that read at the start, and then they did introductions, I would introduce myself again, this time with a sobriety date if I so choose. I can't see anyone getting upset about some thing so trivial, but possibly confused. It does feel redundant sometimes, and I occasionally say "I am still LC and I am still an alcoholic", but it is clearly the expectation.

Horselover

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change (someone else's crazy response to my not introducing myself)
The courage to change the things I can (my reaction to this person's statements and feelings)
And the wisdon to know the difference

I think this hit the nail on the head. Thanks TTOSBT. You are very tender hearted CMHCali and that isn't a defect. You are a good egg. Don't let the negative dwellers ruin you. Hugs!!

serenityqueen

Wow! How fortunate for you to be the man of the hour for him to blame for all of his problems.

I agree, his behavior had nothing to do with introductions or not, he definately has some deeper issues that he needs to address.

I agree with Carol, I wouldn't find myself in the position of sitting next to him again. If he does sit down next to you, you don't owe him any explanations as to why you get up and move.

I'm not justifying his behaviors, but remember . . . some are sicker than others.

Stay True to You!
Judy

cmhcali

Thanks Last Call, Horselover and Judy... It helps me think through things as I can getted trapped in my own mind... It is what I am best at...