Startingover2

I am amazed. He just gave me some speech on how great it was that I no longer have to look in his eyes to judge if he has been drinking and how great he feels sober. He went on to say how sick drinking makes him and how much disaster it has brought into his life.

I am listening to this and thinking to myself....what are you on? He's over friendly (like he is when drunk), drinking Odoul's like crazy, leaving the house for stupid errands again, then saying how tired he is. His eyes look a bit glassed over but not much. Oh, he brought me some flowers too. 2 days ago I was his enemy. He is either sneaking alcohol or popping pills. He is not completely sober. His sober is angry, bitter, withdrawn, and unsociable. He is completely opposite today.

I am biting my tongue. I can't say anything because its nothing I can actually prove. He goes to court for his DUI in 10 days so lets see what the punishment is.

I guess the alcoholic thinks we are dumb

i4getsm

I hope you can find some peace through this. Hang in there. Get out of the house, do something fun for you. I wish he was telling the truth. Too bad, right? (((HUGS)))

hadenoughnow

Ugh, been there done that. Yes they really think we are that dumb.

"I went to get the oil changed in the car" (at 7:30 pm)
"I was getting cigarettes and so and so called and I lost track of time" (for 2 hours)
"I went to the park" (at 9:00 PM)

I always knew he was drinking when he would offer up these sort of stories, I had stopped asking where he was years ago (actually I was happy he was gone, it was a lot less stressful than having him at home).

prodigal

Basically, yes. After manipulating and conning people for so long, they just figure they're masters at the game. Even when their game is off.

My exAH was generally sullen and withdrawn when sober. After a few beers, he was quite the chatty, witty fellow.

And his moods - good or bad - totally dominated the way I felt. It was a knee-jerk reaction that I couldn't even control back then. If he was ticked off at me for any reason, no matter how looney, I was in the dumps, nervous, scared, worried, trying to figure him out.

When things blew over and he decided to be Mr. Nice Guy again, I felt relief, happy, peaceful.

That's how far gone I was. I listened to YEARS of insanity. Turning the tables. Blaming me. Taking my inventory. Telling me I was a scumball one day and his soulmate the next.

It took loads of counseling and Al-Anon for me to detach and take back possession of my own mind. It wasn't easy, but it saved my sanity. And it was worth it.

Startingover2

When he is gone I am really ok. The time that drives me crazy is when he is here 'faking it'. I wanted to laugh in his face yesterday when he was preaching his sobriety in between the 25 errands he had to keep running.

Oh, a kicker comment...he was sad last night because his kids weren't here. They chose to go stay with their friends. Thats normal...they are teens. I said 'hun, they were here. They were swimming and having fun for a couple of hours before they left while you were sleeping in the room.' Does he really wonder why they don't want to be here?

Its really sad. This is a progressive disease for sure. The man is losing alot with this second dui. He has been saying to concerned friends and family that he doesn't have a problem, he is losing his license, possible jail time, fines and classes. yet he still tries to hide and deny it.

deezaldog

I am an alcoholic. Unfortunalely, I agree with you. I never thought anyone was dumb but as long as I got away with it for now that was good for me. Towards the end of my drinking I could'nt believe I got away with it . Now that I am sober I realize how dumb I was to think I was fooling anybody. I was only fooling myself. I hope you find it in yourself to put your foot down and confront each stupid act. It worked for me. I hope he wakes up someday. You are a very tolerant woman to continue on.

prodigal

So don't listen to him.

Go to another room. Go visit a friend. Pack the kids in the car and go SOMEWHERE. I practically lived in a bookstore on the weekends for a year. AH was here and had no intention of leaving, unless it was to go to the store for more booze.

So, like it or not, I left. I'll be doggoned if I'm going to allow anyone - an A or ANYONE - to rob me of my sanity and make me "crazy." No way. Period.

Startingover2

I have been really trying to mentally detach. I just posted about my readings of the Alanon book. They really help you remove yourself emotionally.

I go for lots of walks now with the baby (4 months). Good excercise and it really gets me away. Baby loves it too. I wish I had the money to do more but I am really cutting back because I don't know what lies ahead for us. AH could be going to jail, and will have alot of $$ due for his dui. According to him that is where his focus is...not his family and how we will survive. So every penny I pinch hard.

I just gave myself a pat on the back. AH decided to go to his house for a bit. Usually I would freak and panic...what is he doing? Now, I just smiled and told him I thought that was a great idea and I really believed it. Then about 15 minutes after he left he sent a text "don't be upset, I just needed some time to myself. Love you". I didn't even respond. I don't care. YEAH!!

How good it feels to not react all the time!