Help!!! When Is Too Much, Too Much?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 2
Help!!! When Is Too Much, Too Much?
i am new here. so please be kind, thank you.
this is as much my problem as my dh's. i met dh in college, where he smoked pot alot. never much of big drinkers of alcohol, either of us. i enjoyed pot too. i knew this when i met him, when i fell in love wtih him, and when we married. i think i just assumed we'd grow up and out of doing it. i no longer enjoy it the way i once did. i am a nurse, so i was too paranoid about being "caught."
a few years ago, i hurt my back. it really was bad, and i had a lot of problems healing. during that time, i was prescribed different medications during my 5 months of intense pain (Percocet, Lortab, Darvocet, and Ultram). When the pain started letting up, i moved on to Ibuprofen, but after a few weeks of using it, it tore up my stomach, requiring frequent ER trips for rehydration. So back to the lighter meds (Ultram, Darvocet). My dh asked for a few when he was sore (he has a manual labor job), and i gave him some. Then i eventually ran out, and my physical therpist (a 2nd one) did wonders for me in the pain department, so i didn't need any more.
Somehow, dh came across a friend who had some oxy 30mg's. He got some. I would use 1/4=7.5mg on occassion, and i began to enjoy how they made me feel. I could get so much stuff done, and i loved the euphoria it produced. I know I was wrong to do that. But i never had problems with addiction, in my mind. I wouldn't take it often, and i never had problems physically when i stopped them. At first, it was kind of a recreational use for both of us. Then it became a multi time a day medication for dh when he had big projects and needed more energy. He got up to 45mg/day as far as i know. i know he is lying to me about this, and it's causing a HUGE rift between us. I would love to ignore this and not make fight after fight over this.
He will agree one day that he has a problem, and he'll give me control of the pills to help him wean down. Then he finds where i have them hidden. If i don't oblige, i get yelled at, "you dont trust me" blah blah blah, emotional blackmail, mean stuff said. When do i give in, when do i stay strong? when do i turn this over to professionals?
I know the mark narcotic abuse leaves; the doctors and offices all talk about you behind your back. HIPAA laws are frequently abused when gossiping starts about these patients. i know, i'm a nurse. and for the record, i wouldn't DREAM of working while taking oxy, or any of the other medications mentioned above. NEVER EVER. i will never risk that. But dh often does these meds and smokes pot before, during, and after work.
Tonight i got home from work, and i find him slumped over in his chair in front of the computer. I shake his shoulder gently. Nothing. I make sure he is breathing, he is. I shake him shoulder and chest much harder, and he barely opens his eyes. I start really panicking now. i kneel down in front of him, speak VERY LOUDLY and shake him more. HIs eyes open but dont' focus. He can barely speak. I start yelling., "WHAT DID YOU TAKE? WAKE UP!!!! TELL ME WHAT YOU TOOK???? DO I NEED TO CALL 911?" during this time, he is barely able to speak. He attempts to stand up, and nearly falls over. I keep saying his name loudly to keep him from falling back asleep. I am getting pissed now. Eventually he tells me with slurred speak that he took 2mg of Xanax. His prescription says to take 1mg. I get him back in bed. I am getting worried that i am now enabling him by not demanding he get help, and i feel like a HORRIBLE mother by allowing my child's father to get away with this behavior, esp when he's the only adult home with our kiddo. What if she needed him? What if she opened the door and walked outside? he would NEVER have known. Of course, dh's response will be that i worry too much.
I do not want my child to see this behavior. When is too much, too much, and when do you leave to save your kid from exposure to this? When do you be a good wife and stand by your man? I love this man, i have no desire to run away from him, but i want to protect my child. are there any goog guidelines to follow?
I am getting scared, and feel all alone. I cannot talk to anyone about this. maybe reading other posts here will open his eyes more, since i'm the family "worrywart."
this is as much my problem as my dh's. i met dh in college, where he smoked pot alot. never much of big drinkers of alcohol, either of us. i enjoyed pot too. i knew this when i met him, when i fell in love wtih him, and when we married. i think i just assumed we'd grow up and out of doing it. i no longer enjoy it the way i once did. i am a nurse, so i was too paranoid about being "caught."
a few years ago, i hurt my back. it really was bad, and i had a lot of problems healing. during that time, i was prescribed different medications during my 5 months of intense pain (Percocet, Lortab, Darvocet, and Ultram). When the pain started letting up, i moved on to Ibuprofen, but after a few weeks of using it, it tore up my stomach, requiring frequent ER trips for rehydration. So back to the lighter meds (Ultram, Darvocet). My dh asked for a few when he was sore (he has a manual labor job), and i gave him some. Then i eventually ran out, and my physical therpist (a 2nd one) did wonders for me in the pain department, so i didn't need any more.
Somehow, dh came across a friend who had some oxy 30mg's. He got some. I would use 1/4=7.5mg on occassion, and i began to enjoy how they made me feel. I could get so much stuff done, and i loved the euphoria it produced. I know I was wrong to do that. But i never had problems with addiction, in my mind. I wouldn't take it often, and i never had problems physically when i stopped them. At first, it was kind of a recreational use for both of us. Then it became a multi time a day medication for dh when he had big projects and needed more energy. He got up to 45mg/day as far as i know. i know he is lying to me about this, and it's causing a HUGE rift between us. I would love to ignore this and not make fight after fight over this.
He will agree one day that he has a problem, and he'll give me control of the pills to help him wean down. Then he finds where i have them hidden. If i don't oblige, i get yelled at, "you dont trust me" blah blah blah, emotional blackmail, mean stuff said. When do i give in, when do i stay strong? when do i turn this over to professionals?
I know the mark narcotic abuse leaves; the doctors and offices all talk about you behind your back. HIPAA laws are frequently abused when gossiping starts about these patients. i know, i'm a nurse. and for the record, i wouldn't DREAM of working while taking oxy, or any of the other medications mentioned above. NEVER EVER. i will never risk that. But dh often does these meds and smokes pot before, during, and after work.
Tonight i got home from work, and i find him slumped over in his chair in front of the computer. I shake his shoulder gently. Nothing. I make sure he is breathing, he is. I shake him shoulder and chest much harder, and he barely opens his eyes. I start really panicking now. i kneel down in front of him, speak VERY LOUDLY and shake him more. HIs eyes open but dont' focus. He can barely speak. I start yelling., "WHAT DID YOU TAKE? WAKE UP!!!! TELL ME WHAT YOU TOOK???? DO I NEED TO CALL 911?" during this time, he is barely able to speak. He attempts to stand up, and nearly falls over. I keep saying his name loudly to keep him from falling back asleep. I am getting pissed now. Eventually he tells me with slurred speak that he took 2mg of Xanax. His prescription says to take 1mg. I get him back in bed. I am getting worried that i am now enabling him by not demanding he get help, and i feel like a HORRIBLE mother by allowing my child's father to get away with this behavior, esp when he's the only adult home with our kiddo. What if she needed him? What if she opened the door and walked outside? he would NEVER have known. Of course, dh's response will be that i worry too much.
I do not want my child to see this behavior. When is too much, too much, and when do you leave to save your kid from exposure to this? When do you be a good wife and stand by your man? I love this man, i have no desire to run away from him, but i want to protect my child. are there any goog guidelines to follow?
I am getting scared, and feel all alone. I cannot talk to anyone about this. maybe reading other posts here will open his eyes more, since i'm the family "worrywart."
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
questions,
You've come to the right place for support and information. You might take a look at the "Family and Friends of Substance Abusers" forum. There's a ton of information and experience there.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Lenina
You've come to the right place for support and information. You might take a look at the "Family and Friends of Substance Abusers" forum. There's a ton of information and experience there.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Lenina
Havent done that in a while.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
When he is expected to watch your child
and is taking drugs....that's too much.
JMO
Please check out our Forum
Friends and Families of Substance Abusers.
Welcome!
and is taking drugs....that's too much.
JMO
Please check out our Forum
Friends and Families of Substance Abusers.
Welcome!
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Welcome to SR! Glad that you found us and yes as Carol said Please
check out our "Friends & Family of Substance Abusers" Forum.
There are stickies at the top of the forum filled with a wealth of information and
a lot of support all over this site!
Enough is enough when any child is subjected to any form of behavior such
as him taking drugs! JMO too! Not something children should be around-that
or any kind of addiction!
check out our "Friends & Family of Substance Abusers" Forum.
There are stickies at the top of the forum filled with a wealth of information and
a lot of support all over this site!
Enough is enough when any child is subjected to any form of behavior such
as him taking drugs! JMO too! Not something children should be around-that
or any kind of addiction!
mle-sober
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Golden, CO
Posts: 1,243
Questions,
I am sorry you are struggling - I think you are at the beginning of a journey here that will be hard. But beginning to ask these questions is a start. So, good job there.
And I was relieved to read that you don't take these meds when you are working as a nurse. But it made me ask myself if you still take them at all. If youdon't have a real reason for having these meds in the house (recovering from surgery, chronic illness, etc.) why are you still hiding them from your spouse instead of dumping them? I think that what I read is that you both have a problem and it is maybe more extreme with your husband. But it sounds (I could be way off here and sorry if that's the case) like you are maybe doing a "I can moderate my use" kind of thing. That's what you need to own if it's true.
You ask, "when do i turn this over to professionals?" and you say "i feel like a HORRIBLE mother by allowing my child's father to get away with this behavior" If you feel as if you are "turning it over to professionals" it sounds like you feel as if you currently have control over it. You don't. You never did. It's his addiction. And you are not "allowing" your spouse to "get away" with this behavior. He's doing it. If you got up and walked out today and took your child with you, he might still do it. Regardless of what you think you are allowing.
So, I guess what I'm saying is that when I read our post:
1) I am sorry you are struggling and I hope you can find help and resolve these issues in your life.
2) I wonder if you also have an issue with the pain pills still and if you are holding onto them with the idea in your mind that you can take some occassionally for the high you get and that it doesn't matter since you don't take them while working.
3) I wonder if you know that you don't have control over your husband's addiction and you never did. Even if you are hiding the pills and trying to help him taper down.
4) I hope you encourage your husband to see a doctor and then get yourself to the Narcotics version of Al-anon. I don't know what that is but I'm pretty sure there is one. If not, go to Al-anon.
5) I hope you never, ever leave your child alone with your husband until he has gotten the help he needs.
6) I hope you see that these things are things that you do because you are responsible for yourself and your life and also for the wellbeing of your child. Not because you are responsible for your husband's life. I believe that the best way you can help your husband is by helping yourself and encouraging him to do the same. That doesn't mean you're no longer "standing by" him. In this circumstance, standing by him doesn't mean protecting him from the realities of his addiction. That's kind of like throwing him to the wolves. "Standing by" him means loving him and encouraging him to get help and in the meantime, taking care of yourself and your child.
Good luck. I'm rooting for you and your family.
MLE
I am sorry you are struggling - I think you are at the beginning of a journey here that will be hard. But beginning to ask these questions is a start. So, good job there.
And I was relieved to read that you don't take these meds when you are working as a nurse. But it made me ask myself if you still take them at all. If youdon't have a real reason for having these meds in the house (recovering from surgery, chronic illness, etc.) why are you still hiding them from your spouse instead of dumping them? I think that what I read is that you both have a problem and it is maybe more extreme with your husband. But it sounds (I could be way off here and sorry if that's the case) like you are maybe doing a "I can moderate my use" kind of thing. That's what you need to own if it's true.
You ask, "when do i turn this over to professionals?" and you say "i feel like a HORRIBLE mother by allowing my child's father to get away with this behavior" If you feel as if you are "turning it over to professionals" it sounds like you feel as if you currently have control over it. You don't. You never did. It's his addiction. And you are not "allowing" your spouse to "get away" with this behavior. He's doing it. If you got up and walked out today and took your child with you, he might still do it. Regardless of what you think you are allowing.
So, I guess what I'm saying is that when I read our post:
1) I am sorry you are struggling and I hope you can find help and resolve these issues in your life.
2) I wonder if you also have an issue with the pain pills still and if you are holding onto them with the idea in your mind that you can take some occassionally for the high you get and that it doesn't matter since you don't take them while working.
3) I wonder if you know that you don't have control over your husband's addiction and you never did. Even if you are hiding the pills and trying to help him taper down.
4) I hope you encourage your husband to see a doctor and then get yourself to the Narcotics version of Al-anon. I don't know what that is but I'm pretty sure there is one. If not, go to Al-anon.
5) I hope you never, ever leave your child alone with your husband until he has gotten the help he needs.
6) I hope you see that these things are things that you do because you are responsible for yourself and your life and also for the wellbeing of your child. Not because you are responsible for your husband's life. I believe that the best way you can help your husband is by helping yourself and encouraging him to do the same. That doesn't mean you're no longer "standing by" him. In this circumstance, standing by him doesn't mean protecting him from the realities of his addiction. That's kind of like throwing him to the wolves. "Standing by" him means loving him and encouraging him to get help and in the meantime, taking care of yourself and your child.
Good luck. I'm rooting for you and your family.
MLE
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 2
thank you all for your help. even the posts that were hard to read, i still greatly thank you.
Clarification on the Xanax-it is prescribed for him for his anxiety. He hasn't taken it in a few months, apparently was super anxious last night about bills, and took 2, instead of the 1 his is prescribed. of course, i had to wait until morning to get teh full story,.
and i told him that i do not trust what he says and does in regards to oxy's. that he has lied before, and he will surely do it again. we had a long talk this morning. we'll see what comes of it.
the oxy's are gone; my worry is that he is getting some and hiding them from me, so i wont flush them. when i was hiding them from him, with his permission, while he weaned. he was afraid to have all of them at his disposal all at once.
i agree that i have a problem too. it is EXTREMELY hard to say. the easy thing for me, is that i haven't taken any in a long time, and i dont miss or crave them. and once again, I NEVER DID THIS AT WORK, no way no how.
so we decided together today, that we are not bringing any more of the oxy's in. if i find them, i will dump them. of course, he was super cooperative now, but for how long?
i plan on having him read the responses here. so he can see it's not just worrywart me that sees this as a problem. i will go look around the other boards you have suggested. thank you, and feel free to keep posting!
Clarification on the Xanax-it is prescribed for him for his anxiety. He hasn't taken it in a few months, apparently was super anxious last night about bills, and took 2, instead of the 1 his is prescribed. of course, i had to wait until morning to get teh full story,.
and i told him that i do not trust what he says and does in regards to oxy's. that he has lied before, and he will surely do it again. we had a long talk this morning. we'll see what comes of it.
the oxy's are gone; my worry is that he is getting some and hiding them from me, so i wont flush them. when i was hiding them from him, with his permission, while he weaned. he was afraid to have all of them at his disposal all at once.
i agree that i have a problem too. it is EXTREMELY hard to say. the easy thing for me, is that i haven't taken any in a long time, and i dont miss or crave them. and once again, I NEVER DID THIS AT WORK, no way no how.
so we decided together today, that we are not bringing any more of the oxy's in. if i find them, i will dump them. of course, he was super cooperative now, but for how long?
i plan on having him read the responses here. so he can see it's not just worrywart me that sees this as a problem. i will go look around the other boards you have suggested. thank you, and feel free to keep posting!
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