Paintbaby

Well, the emails have started rolling in, written, obviously, when he is good and drunk. I have heard the term "quacking" on this site, pertaining to the rambling, illogical, focus-shifting that alcoholics tend to do. To wit:

"You are the most gorgeous creature I have ever encountered in my life.Why I let it go so easily in this lifetime astounds me.
It pains me that you are lost and gone forever.....and the only way I deal with pain is to revert to sickness.As you've said "Im Done...I Meant It...I don't trust you"
To me is only cannon fodder.....and this is my way....understand this........I'm no burden to none.And I'm sad that I placed you on that plateu.

My Last hope is leaving this place and everything else behind.....but like an artist at heart"


To which I (foolishly) replied, reiterating that I will not watch him destroy himself, and that there is plenty of help out there. He didn't like that, not one bit, and this is what I got:


"I don't need AC councelling as you put it....I'm all to familar with their games and plots for religious doctrination.....don't forget I have cried many days as a youth for my mother .I have been a part of councelling services throughout the years.....I've seen no hope...yet others might feel the the touch of our mighty lord JESUS.
Sorry .,,,,but that is not my game.And I do understand your concern and(co-dependacy) realization.I'm very mad at myself for submitting you to this.
However I switch and turn on a regular basis....I'm nowhere near ....bla bla bla
I suck and you probably wish you never met me....but yes I want to change......
I can turn into a Butterfly soon enough.....but I'm Razzled and scarred and not used to LOVE.I have a different def of love....or perhaps I Maybey Killed any chance of love long ago....I see myself as only an Illusion now....a spectacle for my children to see and love,but moreso a chilling warning.
Yes....I have way more to offer....but when I feel deserted I tend to do as you do"

Uh-huh. I wasn't having it, and wrote back to tell him--his life, his choice. The last email he sent me was blank---lalalala, can't hear you, apparently.

Is this quacking, or just plain ol' manipulation?

starflier

Quacking often == manipulation. It's usually hard to distinguish between the two, so I just lump it all in the same duck pond.

Barbara52

Both quacking and manipulation. But you can stop it very easily by stop reading and responding to those emails. Its up to you to protect yourself from the BS he will throw at you as long as you allow it. Tired of it yet?

Paintbaby

Oh yeah. It's like trying to talk to a wall.

I haven't responded, nor will I be doing so. And the truth is, he is following the alcoholic script so perfectly I find myself becoming more and more emotionally detached by the day.

Glad I could see these emails for what they were--in the past, I would have fallen for the horsepoo. And for that, I credit the women here who have told their stories--thank you all again!

juju

And the Oscar goes to.......

Wow, quite some words there. I noticed an interesting pattern in his emails. He used the words I, Me, Myself, etc. at least 36 times. He used the words you, etc. 9 times. I don’t know why, but that stuck out at me.

“and the only way I deal with pain is to revert to sickness.”

Let’s just hope that someday he’ll realize that it’s his sickness that is causing him pain. Nothing else.

My ah is the king of the pity party. So I know all too well how he will try and snake me back in by my need to smooth things over and make everything ok. It’s like a hurt animal, I can’t stand to see something hurting. But, you know what? His self-esteem is not my responsibility.

Another thing I notice about that alcoholic script you talk about, after a while, it’s almost amusing because you know exactly what’s going to happen next.

Soooo, quack quack waddle waddle.

hugs,

juju

Paintbaby

Juju, I never even noticed the excessive use of "I". Absolutley chilling, now that you point that out to me. Guess I know who REALLY matters, don't I?

I'm starting to feel a tad foolish I let this man manipulate me for 6 long months. He always was who he was, I just did not want to see. Well, I SURE DO NOW!


:codiepolice

FormerDoormat

The way to stop quacking is to stop listening and replying.

Paintbaby

And now that I know, so I shall, FD!

What I used to mistake for love and real emotion I now see as a steaming pile of duck poo.

Sweetiepie1

Good on you, it's always all about them and never their fault, if there's an excuse they'll always find it and when it wears thin they'll find another.

Paintbaby

^^^^^^^^^

Sing it, sister!

Sweetiepie1

I'm not singing, Im screaming. Bloody hoping mad at the moment, had him out of my life for 2 months, no pangs of regret and I never want to see him again but he's still affecting me Grrrrrrrrr

GiveLove

LOL - paintbaby you're funny.

Yeah, I got these emails too. I replied to them for a long time, thinking I could change something. Glad you're not gonna play any more.

Paintbaby

I think that is the nature of righteous anger, Sweetie. It takes awhile to get over, but it helps us to remember the reality, and not get sentimental and nostalgic for what we WISHED could have been. I think it allows us to keep the distance we so desperately need while we create a new, healthier reality for ourselves. Anger can be an awfully useful tool, I'm finding. As can a tired sense of resignation, and as can a genuine sense of disgusted pity for the alcoholic who keeps on keeping on. They all feel not so fabulous, but they are working for me.

starflier

A passage I read in a book today seems applicable here:

Find out who you are, feel good about who you are and be willing act upon it. That way you will be whole. You will be healthy in all aspects of your life. And you will be free.

I think I need to get that tatooed in reverse on my forehead so it's the first thing I see every morning when I look in the mirror!