IAintBeatYet

My first major obstacle. Here it is in a nutshell. My buddy just called and said there is a woman at the bar that I frequent asking about me. She is someone that I have just recently started talking to and find very attractive. The problem is I met her in the bar and she is a drinker like me. She actually works at another bar as a bartender. When I started talking to her was obviously when I was into my alcoholic ways. Now that I'm stopping, there is no chance for this to happen. Talk about temptation. As if the urge to consume wasn't enough, I have to think about this now. lol.

I know this isnt on the same level as some of you with the things ya'll are going through, but for me, this is tough. This woman is stunning and there is no way I can start anything with her unless I want to start drinking again. And that aint gonna happen.....I'm going to make a protein shake.lol.

HideorSeek

I don't see why you can't invite her to coffee, a movie or some activity that doesn't involve drinking. Then if things proceed, you can be more honest. If she's a bartender, I'm sure she's seen her share of some pretty nasty stuff. If I were in her shoes, I would be awed by your strength and integrity,

Suzisharpshoote

HideorSeek,

What good advice! She might be so happy to hear from someone that is trying to turn their lives around, she might be tempted to share some of her own misgivings about drinking. I know that as an ex-bartender, I would loved to have met a sober person, or someone trying to get sober..all I ever met in bars where to touchy drunks. (no offense, lol) but seriously, I think we are afraid to go for broke, when we are sober, like we can't be any fun? I'm learning how to go for it, have fun without the booze..

just some rambling thoughts from a freshly sober girl

19 days

Lily

"The problem is I met her in the bar and she is a drinker like me."

I would totally stay clear away! Run, run as fast as you can!

I kind of had a weird romance thingy happen to me when I first got off meth in 1991. There was a guy named Robert in whom I was head over heals in love with. He never really paid much attention to me, that is, until I started moving in the direction of recovery. I had fallen a few times (he too was an addict) and we had contact, but then I had to make a conscious decision and I chose recovery over him. I never regreted this decision for even a second. Later God sent me a wonderful husband. It was a weird little temptation for me at the time though and I went thru a small time of grief....but I know I chose right!

Blessings, Sheila

Suzisharpshoote

wow Sheila I read your post & I can see that side, as well. I guess I spoke too fast. when we are just learning to walk again, taking time for yourself is probably the better choice. You have to save yourself before you can even begin to help others? I agree, very risky. thanks for showing both sides

Jig

Stay with the protein shakes mate.
I know I've never gotten a hangover from one anyway.(lol)
The path back downhill seems to be everywhere at once and one false step can put you right back where you started.
At an AA meeting last night someone said something like "I know I've got pleanty of drunks left in me but I'm not sure how many recoveries I've got left in me."

This made a lot of sense to me. If something is going to drag you backwards then stay away from it. If it is this hard getting sober this time, how hard will it be next time, and the time after, and the time after that?

Congrats on the sober time and stick with it.

Jig

tommyk

Temptation to get near alcohol comes in many forms, beware.

least

It seems to me that if you wanted to meet this woman you'd have to meet her in an alcohol-free place. But do you really want to start a relationship with someone who drinks? Perhaps when you are longer into sobriety you could do it, but I don't think I'd put any major challenges to sobriety in my life at the beginning of my sober life. I should think it would be very hard to deal with. Just my opinion.

:ghug3

Anna

I couldn't be around people who were drinking for a long time after I got sober.

I'm glad you see the pitfalls in this situation.

IAintBeatYet

Thanks for the advice. I am still holding strong. And for those of you that say people who drink, "I cant be around them" is wrong. What a pathetic thing to do. We are all trying to fix our lives and yet, people on here are passing judgement? LOL! That is just wrong.!

Aysha

Women/Men And addiction are 2 things that will make or break a person in my opinion.
Stay away. If its not one..itll be the other that drags you back in.

IAintBeatYet

Chiynita, I love your point of view, but.......You're off base. I'm strong. I will not be dragged down. Lets see what happen's. I love that you care. Thank you. Lets make a stand and show how strong we are.

buttercup1

I'd have to semi-agree with Suzi on this one. i too, am an ex-bartender (or barmaid i guess lol) and I spent everyday around drunks. It would have been nice to meet someone who was sober. Is she an alcoholic or a casual drinker?? The idea that you can stay completely away from anyone who drinks is nearly impossible. I agree that early on, you don't want to be hanging out with a bunch of people who are drinking, but that doesn't mean you have to get rid of everyone in your life who drinks alcohol. If that were the case, I would've had to disown most of my family LOL!

Best of luck to you. Maybe you could meet her for coffee and explain your situation. You might be surprised to find out that she is supportive.

Aysha

I dont think anyone is passing judgement. I think it is heartfelt advice.
Whats that saying? If you go into the barber shop enough times. You eventuelly get a haircut. Or however it goes.
Most of us wouldnt risk it to see if we are strong enough to make it.
Alot of us just cant put ourselves in positions liek that.
With me...I know I couldt hang around anyone that did what I was trying to get away from. I sure as hell couldnt hang around the places either.
But if you can do it. Than good for you. I am in no way saying your weak.
Just be careful.
Dont confuse soemones ESH with judgement.
I too bartender for 10 yrs. But never drank alcohol.

IAintBeatYet

buttercup: I have just met her. Like I said....she is a stunning and great person. What a time to quit drinking, huh? She wasnt a social drinker. She is a power drinker, like me. If I thought there was a chance to get to know her better while I had the opportunity to quit drinking I would. There is no, "Take her out to coffee and try to change her life and ask her to quit drinking"..that would be the only way I can be with her. No dice.

buttercup1

In that case, then I would say stay away and do what you need to do get yourself sober. There will be other stunning and great people who will come into your life that will be a positive influence on you and your sobriety. Sucks though, I know.................

IAintBeatYet

I hope you're right, buttercup. I'm counting on it.

tommyk

Life presents 'challenges' on a day to day basis.

And my Higher Power sees me though these challenges.

It is when I 'dare myself' to engage in a situation I do not need that trouble happens.

Suzisharpshoote

Dang I think the weirdest things, when I read these threads!!!!! Ok here goes:


My grandmother used to say this about boys. She was quite the authority, being that she married a busdriver! I'm sure it could work with girls too Iaintbeatyet!....now brace yourselves, this IS REAL advice she gave to us then budding teenage girls!!!

Boys are like NFT Buses (Buffalo), don't worry about them, if you get on the wrong one, get off at the next stop, wait fifteen minutes on the corner, Another one will come around the in no time flat.

& if you're lucky, really lucky, this one will have airconditioning! She'd always wink, chuckle & smile when she said if you get on the wrong one, get off at the next stop!

RIP Grandma, I know you're riding the bus with ole Mac!

IAintBeatYet

Suzi, your grandmother is right on target.