The Campral and Therapy Are Not Working

Old 07-22-2008, 06:44 PM
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The Campral and Therapy Are Not Working

Well I wanted to give everyone an update. My AH stayed sober for about 30 days with one major slip up.

I though the therapy and Campral were going to be the answer to my prayers to end all the madness that has surrounded my life recently.

But tonight my AH is passed out drunk on the couch. It turns out he stole $10 from his sister to go out and buy himself a few small bottles of cheap vodka.

I am totally disgusted. I had no desire to be around him. She asked me to come pick him up from his mothers house, and I declined - I said I had plans and he got himself there he could find his way home (although I would have loved to be alone and have the night to myself)

Anyway, I got upset because I thought we finally found our way, only to learn he is stealing money and drinking yet again.

I got up and left the house before he came home. Got a haircut a pedicure and a manicure. It made me feel better, but now I look like the bad guy because I refused to pick him up and bring him home safe and sound.

I am assuming my sister in law brought him home, but I don't really know. I know that tomorow I will deal with how sorry he is and how depressed he is and how he wants to stop but can't make it on his own and how he needs me.

I thought the outpatient program might help. But I think he needs full blown rehab. He had a hard childhood growing up with an alcoholic father who basically ignored him his whole life when he was not beating on the poor kid. So many emtoions he has that he can't let go of. He needs to heal his heart to help heal his addicition and no amount of medication or antidepressents and therapy are going to do that. He needs to go to rehab.

Do I just live with this until he decides if he ever does decide? I was thinking of having an intervention but my family is really not aware of his problem and how out of control it really is. they would be devastated to learn this as they think he is fantastic and so together.

I feel such shame still. I want to tell them so badly but all I think about is the $100,000 they spent on our wedding. It was a dream wedding but the marriage is a total nightmare. I feel like I wasted their money. Because I went into this marriage knowing - FULLY knowing he was an alcohlic. He did have longs periods of sobriety but still an alcoholic.

I know they would feel I am more important and my well being is more important then the money they spent on the wedding, but I wish I just knew why I moved forward with the wedding knowing what I knew.

Sometimes I make myself crazy because I think to much.

I am so tired of being isolated from people and breaking plans at the last minute becuase of his addiction. I want peace but am to afraid to move forward and make a peaceful life for myself.

It is so easy to give advise to others on this board, but I can't take my own advise and for that I am truly ashamed.

I love him, but i want peace.

He was fantastic over the weekend with what happened to my father and the accident. He was totally there for me and my family, but it was very short lived.

He is a good man, but also a manipulative alcoholic. I don't believe anything he says anymore and that upsets him. But to me the actions now speak so much louder then all the words that come out of his mouth.

I know I will feel much better after venting all this - that god for this place - it does help me heal and I am so much better off then I was before because of changes I made with myself, but I want more and I want it faster, but my heart is not allowing it.
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Old 07-22-2008, 07:44 PM
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Only you can decide what is right for you. But, having said that, I would urge you to take inventory of your life. Forget about the wedding and the money spent, forget about the promises and the attempts, forget about the possibility of what might happen. Those things are in the past, or the future.

What about NOW? What is the reality of the present moment? Is it where you want to be? Take a good, hard, long look at what is. If it's not what you want for your life, you have the power to change it. Yeah, sure, he could go to rehab and get sober. Then again, he could go to rehab and wind up right back where he is now.

Are you willing to take that chance? If I have learned anything through this process, it is that I have no control over the past or the future. But, I do have control over the present. I can do RIGHT NOW what is best for me, and deal with whatever happens in the future WHEN IT HAPPENS.

What do you want NOW?

L
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Old 07-22-2008, 07:51 PM
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Originally Posted by sadandhopeless View Post
But I think he needs full blown rehab. He had a hard childhood growing up with an alcoholic father who basically ignored him his whole life when he was not beating on the poor kid. So many emtoions he has that he can't let go of. He needs to heal his heart to help heal his addicition and no amount of medication or antidepressents and therapy are going to do that. He needs to go to rehab.
What he needs is the sincere and deeply felt desire to beat his addiction to alcohol. Obviously he's not there yet. He may never be.. That is out of your control.

What is in your control is taking charge of your life and making it what you want it to be. All the extraneous stuff you mentioned are irrelevant as LTD said. What is important is what do YOU want from your one and only life. If what you have right now is not it, you can take the steps necessary to change what you want to change.
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Old 07-23-2008, 02:55 AM
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(((Jackie)))

Sorry it didn't work for him and that you're going through all this again. Barbara and LTD have posted good advice for you to take stock and decide what you want next.

I too married my AH knowing he had a problem. He was a functioning alcoholic but I had no real clue about the progression of the disease etc. If I knew then what I know now then I'd like to think that I wouldn't have married him - but I might have, thinking that together we could beat it. Hindsight is perfect. It took a long time for me to wake up and see what my life was really like. All those choices and decisions made to try and stop him drinking - including the house we bought! I see it as madness now but at the time I was deep into codie territory. It took a lot for the scales to fall from my eyes and it still hurts. So don't beat yourself up for getting married - there is enough pain for you to deal with without you giving yourself more!!

And to think I started this post by just wanting to send you some hugs! :ghug3
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