Needing a bit of support
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Great Lake Country
Posts: 333
Needing a bit of support
Ok,
Went home last night, the AW made a counselor's appt with a substance abuse counselor for Aug. 11th. Talked a bit about it, and went out to cut lawn.
While I was cutting lawn, the AW and the daughter had words. I come in, and I'm automatically at fault, can't trust you, go talk to your confidante, etc.
She finally drinks herself to sleep around 10. I have disturbed sleep, but feel pretty good this morning.
Now its the afternoon, she's traveling, and I need my attention fix. Talk me out of it please....
Went home last night, the AW made a counselor's appt with a substance abuse counselor for Aug. 11th. Talked a bit about it, and went out to cut lawn.
While I was cutting lawn, the AW and the daughter had words. I come in, and I'm automatically at fault, can't trust you, go talk to your confidante, etc.
She finally drinks herself to sleep around 10. I have disturbed sleep, but feel pretty good this morning.
Now its the afternoon, she's traveling, and I need my attention fix. Talk me out of it please....
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Redd,
Breathe In, Breathe Out - (I'm breathing with ya - ok)
Let's talk together about the 3 c's -
I did not cause alcoholism/addiction
I can not control alcoholism/addiction
I can not cure alcoholism/addiction
I have learned in recovery what will happen - will happen regardless of the minutes, hours, and days I spend worry, fretting and obessing about my A loved ones - the best thing that I can do is to Take Care of Myself.
What is the Next Right Thing for me? Do I need to read some literature? Call a recovery friend? Eat the next meal? Do some work? Wash clothes? Relax? or Do some physical work to release some stress?
Focusing on the Next Right Thing that is healthy and recovery oriented will take care of me and I can let my HP take care of my A loved ones.
This is what recovery has taught me to do - it seems to help tremendously.
Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita
Breathe In, Breathe Out - (I'm breathing with ya - ok)
Let's talk together about the 3 c's -
I did not cause alcoholism/addiction
I can not control alcoholism/addiction
I can not cure alcoholism/addiction
I have learned in recovery what will happen - will happen regardless of the minutes, hours, and days I spend worry, fretting and obessing about my A loved ones - the best thing that I can do is to Take Care of Myself.
What is the Next Right Thing for me? Do I need to read some literature? Call a recovery friend? Eat the next meal? Do some work? Wash clothes? Relax? or Do some physical work to release some stress?
Focusing on the Next Right Thing that is healthy and recovery oriented will take care of me and I can let my HP take care of my A loved ones.
This is what recovery has taught me to do - it seems to help tremendously.
Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Hey Redd how's it going? You are a strong dude! Believe in you, read some threads, get a bath, watch a film.
I understand your insides are churning, simple breathing exercises may help, breath in to the count of 5, hold for 3 out for 5, gets rid of my anxiety everytime.
Keep on truckin' - you can do this!
lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I understand your insides are churning, simple breathing exercises may help, breath in to the count of 5, hold for 3 out for 5, gets rid of my anxiety everytime.
Keep on truckin' - you can do this!
lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
Redd,
I'm right with you pal!! I think my AH called me fat about 10 times Sunday. Now he's all melancholy and sad. He needed me to hug him yesterday and tell him I don't hate him. And I don't hate him, but I hugged him. Dang it, now he thinks all is well again.
And I feel like calling him, just because I usually do every day. But I'm not going to. He'll just take that as another sign that nothing happened. You don't call and I'm not going to call either. I am going to do laundry. Use the time you'd spend on the phone with her to do something small to your house to get it ready. Is it too soon to change the locks? She's gone right? If so, something else. Clean the baseboards.
I'm right with you pal!! I think my AH called me fat about 10 times Sunday. Now he's all melancholy and sad. He needed me to hug him yesterday and tell him I don't hate him. And I don't hate him, but I hugged him. Dang it, now he thinks all is well again.
And I feel like calling him, just because I usually do every day. But I'm not going to. He'll just take that as another sign that nothing happened. You don't call and I'm not going to call either. I am going to do laundry. Use the time you'd spend on the phone with her to do something small to your house to get it ready. Is it too soon to change the locks? She's gone right? If so, something else. Clean the baseboards.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Great Lake Country
Posts: 333
One of the interesting side effects of all of this drama is that my attraction to the AW is disappearing. I don't know whether to be happy or sad about this development.
I think a healthy relationship has its focus on values. To explain further, in a healthy relationship you are considerate of each other and of yourselves. You also spend time with each other because you like it.
I do know that I'm not going to rush into anything new when this runs its course.
Redd
I think a healthy relationship has its focus on values. To explain further, in a healthy relationship you are considerate of each other and of yourselves. You also spend time with each other because you like it.
I do know that I'm not going to rush into anything new when this runs its course.
Redd
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Red, have you heard the expression here "play the tape all the way through" ?
So you call her to get your attention fix,
and she's probably already tipsy
or she's sounding distant, so you think it's her ex again
or she doesn't answer her phone so you start to complex
or.........
There's nothing to be gained by succumbing to the usual clingy-codie habit of calling to make sure everything is exactly as you want it to be. It's a habit. You're a strong man and you have the power to break habits that are hurting you.
We've all done it. We've all regretted it.
How did the talk with the lawyer go?
So you call her to get your attention fix,
and she's probably already tipsy
or she's sounding distant, so you think it's her ex again
or she doesn't answer her phone so you start to complex
or.........
There's nothing to be gained by succumbing to the usual clingy-codie habit of calling to make sure everything is exactly as you want it to be. It's a habit. You're a strong man and you have the power to break habits that are hurting you.
We've all done it. We've all regretted it.
How did the talk with the lawyer go?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Great Lake Country
Posts: 333
The attorney noted that it should be pretty simple. There is no question of spousal support, although he also noted that the best way is to talk to the AW and try and get an agreement and then file. I told him there is a substance abuse issue, and he said to try anyway, and if it didn't work, contact him again, and if he couldn't help me, he would refer me to someone who would. He also said that the michigan court looks badly on people that leave the marital home. That's a problem. There may be the possibility that the wife has already talked to him...
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