At the end of my rope
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 540
At the end of my rope
How I wish there was a manual to detach and stick to it. On my last posting I had charged AS with theft and fraud again. I had a codie moment and alloweed him back in to my work place just long enough to steal company cheques. I will never allow him in to my workplace or home again. He knew we were in a horrible financial situation and yet he still managed to get me for over a thousand dollars. Now he is calling me to go to the movies with him ( unbelievable) why? so he can dip his hand in my purse when Im not looking, or the old manipulation tactic of trying to worm his way back in. I am still very angry with him and fed up. I have had enough of his lies and stealing. ( he has wracked my credit card over $20,000.00) at that point stupid me would not charge him. Every month I struggle to pay these cards. He is no way ready to get clean , nor has he hit rock bottom. He said to me " just because I stole from you doesn't me we cant hang out"!!!! Doesnt he get it, Im ready for a breakdown, and going to loose everything" and he want to go to a show. I just dont have the energy for him at this point in my life. I know this is a bit off topic but has anyone on this board ever gone bankrupt? I keep thinking if I hadnt put so much energy in to AS I would have concentrated more on what was happening to my business and personal life. Just a bad day today.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
If there were a manual on detachment, I'm sure it'd be a best-seller. I know I would buy it!
((katie)) I'm so sorry you are going through even more now. I pray that your day can get better and for tomorrow to be good for you as well. Is there any way you can do something or go somewhere to get your mind off your worries. It's not easy, I know, but sometimes if we can just stay busy with other things, we can get passed these times.
Do you think you can cut off all contact with your son for a while? It sounds like the more you talk to him, the more he can manipulate and then you end up feeling worse. Please do what you can to take care of yourself; this stress isn't good for you.
((katie)) I'm so sorry you are going through even more now. I pray that your day can get better and for tomorrow to be good for you as well. Is there any way you can do something or go somewhere to get your mind off your worries. It's not easy, I know, but sometimes if we can just stay busy with other things, we can get passed these times.
Do you think you can cut off all contact with your son for a while? It sounds like the more you talk to him, the more he can manipulate and then you end up feeling worse. Please do what you can to take care of yourself; this stress isn't good for you.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
I am familiar with that attitide ('Just because I robbed you blind, doesen't mean we can't hang out and have a good laugh....'). They (our addict kids) seem to think it was no big deal at all - like can't we just get over having our own flesh and blood harm us in this way. Well, actually we usually do 'get over it' in terms of we do forgive them - but hopefully we do also learn a whole lot about how to not let that stuff happen again to us (I take my purse into the bathroom with me, etc, whenever I am with my AD).
As far as babkruptcy - yes I did file in 1994. I can't blame my kid for that though. It was my excessive spending (another addiction) with the credit cards. Well, the first thing most people do is go to a credit counselor and see if you are able to pay this stuff back by cutting deals with the creditors (the counseling services call them and set up payment plans, etc). sometimes its too late though becuase the debt is too big and your income is just too small to pull this off. This was the case with me at the time. So you then hire a lawyer who handles the bankruptcy. Yes, all my depts were closed, and my credit was ruined for 10 years. But I understand it is much harder to declare personal bankruptcy now. Still, follow the path of credit counselor, then lawyer if that doesn't work for you. Also PLEASE DESTROY YOUR CREDIT CARDS!! I made the mistake of getting them all back after a while and wound up in almost the same situation years later - but caught myself just in time. Now I finally, for the past 4 years, have not used a credit card and do not carry them! I am paying for stuff with money I already actually have!!
As far as babkruptcy - yes I did file in 1994. I can't blame my kid for that though. It was my excessive spending (another addiction) with the credit cards. Well, the first thing most people do is go to a credit counselor and see if you are able to pay this stuff back by cutting deals with the creditors (the counseling services call them and set up payment plans, etc). sometimes its too late though becuase the debt is too big and your income is just too small to pull this off. This was the case with me at the time. So you then hire a lawyer who handles the bankruptcy. Yes, all my depts were closed, and my credit was ruined for 10 years. But I understand it is much harder to declare personal bankruptcy now. Still, follow the path of credit counselor, then lawyer if that doesn't work for you. Also PLEASE DESTROY YOUR CREDIT CARDS!! I made the mistake of getting them all back after a while and wound up in almost the same situation years later - but caught myself just in time. Now I finally, for the past 4 years, have not used a credit card and do not carry them! I am paying for stuff with money I already actually have!!
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Doesnt he get it,
will do what it takes to get them.
Until we get sick and tired of being sick and tired, that is truly
how we think.
Im ready for a breakdown, and going to loose everything" and he want to go to a show.
I keep thinking if I hadnt put so much energy in to AS I would have concentrated more on what was happening to my business and personal life. Just a bad day today.
I keep thinking if I hadnt put so much energy in to AS I would have concentrated more on what was happening to my business and personal life. Just a bad day today.
When we know better we do better. If you concentrate more on the things you are doing right, you will start to feel better and begin making better choices.
Beating ourselves up for things and choices we don't like tend to just escalate us into
making more bad choices and then not understanding what is going on.
JME, anyway. You are a good person, the drugs can only let you be brought down into the world of chaos is if you let them. He may let himself be drug down by them, but you do not have to.
Whatever you are going through today, whatever decisions you make will empower you in the future. You can come out of this a stronger and wiser person.
Off my soap box now. :atv
I'm sorry you are going through so much and esp. because of why.
Hold you head up, you are stronger than you realize. You can do this.
I too would cut off contact with him, till he's done...
JMO
:ghug3
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
((((((katie)))))))
It does seem approp. to terminate any visits with your son.
It does not seem healthy or wise for you. It is a sad situation that forces you to make this necessary decision to protect yourself. The chaos of his life has had too much negative impact on your own. You have the strength and courage to do what you must do. It is not okay to be taken advantage of or have him victimize you a day longer.
He knows what he will need to do to one day have a healthy relationship with you.
Right now he is too toxic.
So sorry for the pain of having an addict for a son. But we can't argue with reality we
can only do what we need to do to keep the joy in our own life alive and well.
It does seem approp. to terminate any visits with your son.
It does not seem healthy or wise for you. It is a sad situation that forces you to make this necessary decision to protect yourself. The chaos of his life has had too much negative impact on your own. You have the strength and courage to do what you must do. It is not okay to be taken advantage of or have him victimize you a day longer.
He knows what he will need to do to one day have a healthy relationship with you.
Right now he is too toxic.
So sorry for the pain of having an addict for a son. But we can't argue with reality we
can only do what we need to do to keep the joy in our own life alive and well.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 427
Katie,
I am so sorry your going through this with your son. Yes, my ad has taken every nickle I had and charged cash advances on my cards. I am struggling now to pay bills and just to but food never mind a frill! I don't know how I am doing it but somehow my HP lets me come through and make it. I will guard my things now no matter what. Because living in fear of not having money is the pitts.
Your son sounds like he knows he can get money from you. If I met him I would either buy tickets early and then take nothing with me so he didn't have a chance to take anything, or not meet up with him which seems to be the best idea till he realizes your not his patsy for money. ((hugs)) to you I know the heartache your feeling.
I am so sorry your going through this with your son. Yes, my ad has taken every nickle I had and charged cash advances on my cards. I am struggling now to pay bills and just to but food never mind a frill! I don't know how I am doing it but somehow my HP lets me come through and make it. I will guard my things now no matter what. Because living in fear of not having money is the pitts.
Your son sounds like he knows he can get money from you. If I met him I would either buy tickets early and then take nothing with me so he didn't have a chance to take anything, or not meet up with him which seems to be the best idea till he realizes your not his patsy for money. ((hugs)) to you I know the heartache your feeling.
Last edited by beegee; 07-20-2008 at 05:20 PM. Reason: spelling
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Hi Katie, I'm so sorry you are going through all this with your son. They DO know how much we love them and after addiction they use that to the hilt.....I was handing out money hand over fist to my son for years. After he went to recovery. I stopped....My son has moved an hour away and I hardly hear from him at all. It breaks my heart.Distancing yourself may be a good thing for a bit but that only brings on more worry. I sure hope someday we can all have happiness....and YES!!!! that does man having my son happy and healthy also. Hopefully you'll be able to live and figure out your situation without too much heartbreak. Smiles, Bonnie
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