My Sponsor Suggested.....
My Sponsor Suggested.....
My sponsor suggested that I might want to consider going to ACA mtg's.... I thought I would start here first....
I am clean/sober working a 12 step program since 01/22/03.....
Both my parents are sober alcoholics...... they are divorced since I was like 2....
Mom 20 years sober but untreated..... she "used" to go to mtgs.....
Dad 35 years sober w/church and God it works pretty well for him....
I was estranged from both of my parents for many years.. lots of reasons.. my part is I was a junkie and was ashamed....
I reestablished a relationship that works pretty well with my Dad....
My Mom... I had to find and I did... I have been gently trying to reestablish a relationship with her since January of this year.... I made amends and have practiced the principles and she doesn't want a relationship with me...
Anyway it hurts.... not as bad as the first abandonment but it feels like a ripped open scar......
Bad
:atv
I am clean/sober working a 12 step program since 01/22/03.....
Both my parents are sober alcoholics...... they are divorced since I was like 2....
Mom 20 years sober but untreated..... she "used" to go to mtgs.....
Dad 35 years sober w/church and God it works pretty well for him....
I was estranged from both of my parents for many years.. lots of reasons.. my part is I was a junkie and was ashamed....
I reestablished a relationship that works pretty well with my Dad....
My Mom... I had to find and I did... I have been gently trying to reestablish a relationship with her since January of this year.... I made amends and have practiced the principles and she doesn't want a relationship with me...
Anyway it hurts.... not as bad as the first abandonment but it feels like a ripped open scar......
Bad
:atv
Hey there Lbad, and welcome to this corner of recovery
Take a little time to browse thru the posts we have made and thru the "sticky" posts at the top of the forum. Congratulations on being clean and sober since 03, that's awesome. You will find that a lot of us here are also recovering from some addiction or other. Your's truly is a recovering alkie. My folks were drunks, my Dad was kind of like you describe your Mom. My dad quit drinking but never quit the behavior.
I'm glad you've developed a good relationship with your Dad. That's a wonderful example of recovery in action.
Welcome again
Mike
Take a little time to browse thru the posts we have made and thru the "sticky" posts at the top of the forum. Congratulations on being clean and sober since 03, that's awesome. You will find that a lot of us here are also recovering from some addiction or other. Your's truly is a recovering alkie. My folks were drunks, my Dad was kind of like you describe your Mom. My dad quit drinking but never quit the behavior.
I'm glad you've developed a good relationship with your Dad. That's a wonderful example of recovery in action.
Welcome again
Mike
Thanks Mike...
I will read through the sticky posts...
It is nice to know there are other recovering children out there.
This is all new to me.. I kind of pooh poohed the whole idea for a long time......
When the pain gets great enough it inspires taking another look...
Bad
:atv
I will read through the sticky posts...
It is nice to know there are other recovering children out there.
This is all new to me.. I kind of pooh poohed the whole idea for a long time......
When the pain gets great enough it inspires taking another look...
Bad
:atv
Acoa allowed me to complete the circle. It took me back to the origins of my own addiction and helped me to fill in a lot of the blank spaces. I have a better understanding of my own behaviour now because of the work I put into this area of my life. I also had private counselling.
Your sponsor may be right.
Your sponsor may be right.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Fort Wayne IN
Posts: 284
Congrats on your sobriety. My sister was very active in ACOA for a long time. It seemed to help until she went back out. She has not returned yet but I keep hoping. She was very close to our alcoholic father and when he died from alcohol she turned to the bottle and drugs. I hope you find yourself able to establish a relationship with your mother. Rejection from a parent is devastating. But at least you try and maybe you can find some comfort in that.
I'll second that
Finally after years of sick relationships I've recently sought some outside help, i.e. counselling. I've also been attending Al Anon for about 5 years now. And I am an AA member and been sober 10 years.
But also it was nearly 2 years ago that I was diagnosed with MS then a year later fibro, and since that time this ACOA stuff has hammered me because as a child I had quite bad health so it has triggered a ton of memories (around rejection) for me.
Some days it feels like I am getting 'forced' to love myself or at least learn too, since my day to day health really depends on it now - some times I am grateful for this and then other days I'm not.
I'm glad for you that you have a wise sponsor.
But also it was nearly 2 years ago that I was diagnosed with MS then a year later fibro, and since that time this ACOA stuff has hammered me because as a child I had quite bad health so it has triggered a ton of memories (around rejection) for me.
Some days it feels like I am getting 'forced' to love myself or at least learn too, since my day to day health really depends on it now - some times I am grateful for this and then other days I'm not.
I'm glad for you that you have a wise sponsor.
This is all new to me.. I kind of pooh poohed the whole idea for a long time......
While I have contact with my mother, I wouldn't call it a relationship. I am civil to her in the same way I'd be civil to someone in line at the bank or the grocery store. There is no intimacy there, and I have written that relationship off. I do maintain a relationship with my dad, although I always have to have an exit strategy in place - both my parents still drink heavily.
I read those characteristics and I think at least at one point or another most of it holds true...
Working the steps and practicing living a spiritual life has healed or is healing most of that stuff though...
Right now I just feel exhausted....
I really appreciate all your responses....
Working the steps and practicing living a spiritual life has healed or is healing most of that stuff though...
Right now I just feel exhausted....
I really appreciate all your responses....
Mike
In the end, when the lights go out, and we have only ourselves to answer to, we're all either/or/and adult children of acoholic/mentally ill parents, alcoholics ourselves, or codependents who enable the alcoholics we love. We all need support, love, affirmation, wisdom, and the experiences of those who have gone before us. Courage, strength, and sobriety I wish to us all!:ghug
Hey, Lbad,
I found a lot of great help working with a counselor who had experience with ACAs. He gave me lots of things to work on, not just talk talk talk but concrete things to try to do differently, one small step at a time. You may have luck with this kind of thing too.
Big congrats on your sobriety!
Hugs,
GL
I found a lot of great help working with a counselor who had experience with ACAs. He gave me lots of things to work on, not just talk talk talk but concrete things to try to do differently, one small step at a time. You may have luck with this kind of thing too.
Big congrats on your sobriety!
Hugs,
GL
Thanks GL...
I have not made it to an al-anon meeting yet but, I am having coffee with a old friend today... He is 15 years sober a member of al-anon and my Mom used to be his sponsor when he was new in AA. He knew her very well during one of our estrangements. I think he might be able to help some.... Maybe just by understanding all the parties involved... He is also a very spiritual person.... I am hopeful that this might just be a really good thing.....
My sponsor just took off to Pennsylvania for two weeks and I miss her already.. Thank goodness for texting!!
I have not made it to an al-anon meeting yet but, I am having coffee with a old friend today... He is 15 years sober a member of al-anon and my Mom used to be his sponsor when he was new in AA. He knew her very well during one of our estrangements. I think he might be able to help some.... Maybe just by understanding all the parties involved... He is also a very spiritual person.... I am hopeful that this might just be a really good thing.....
My sponsor just took off to Pennsylvania for two weeks and I miss her already.. Thank goodness for texting!!
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