dryjuliet

So its been two weeks now since I decided I "might" have a problem. Of course my friends think im nuts....as i sit here alone on a friday night (as they are at the bar). I stopped my usual drunk bingo and other cocktail hours during the week--and the anxiety is rising!

I went out last saturday night and yes, of course drank. On sunday i regretted it. I spent the day in bed recovering as usual....thinking about what a waste it was. The drinking was not enough that i even snorted a ritalin that night! What the hell is going on here?

Im finding myself in a strange place...i feel i am in the "between place". I no longer get pleasure from drinking...but im still depressed! I am on antidepressants and i know my moods should be better without alcohol....but im still just as depressed. I dont want to go out and drink...but sitting here and going through all my inadequate feelings is not much fun. I guess it really was to escape from :wtf2myself.....


So what comes next? I still dont think i fit in with most recovery groups....im a binge drinker...and im fine when i dont go out.....
:wtf2
Help?

Taking5

Dryjuliet,

Hang in there, it does get better. Just don't drink. I remember your earlier posts where you said you were not an AA person. Can you answer a question for me: have you ever been to an AA meeting?

Keep posting, we are here for you.

SilentEyes

feel the same wish i could tell you what to do hating my self right now whta to do what to do what am i doing i will love mysel again right??????????

citychick

This's a progressive disease we have, but as mentioned above we do get better if we don't pick up a day at a time.

Probably sounds odd, but you may meet a whole new group of friends if you go to meetings. I've had a better quality of 'fun' in sobriety than in all the years of using.

Congrats on your two weeks juliet, your on your way.

Toomutch

Juliet - Your antidepressants may work better than you think - but only with some sober time. My experience has been, they have the opposite effects or do not work at all while drinking on them. With more sober time under your belt, you may begin to notice how well they do work. JMO.

Ananda

You know (OK I'm an aaer) there is something I really related to in the big book...it made me cry everytime I read it for the longest time.

We could no longer imagine a life with or without alchohol...

That was were I was at when I got sober. What saved me from this horible state was commiting to a spiritual program of compassion toward myself and toward others. When I focus on my spirtual path in life...I start to enjoy life without the alchohol and like myself and others better.

It was scarry to be without alchohol, and took time for my medications and my body to chemically correct itself...can be a tough process..but well worth it in the long run.

TheBean

I was a binge drinker too- but the more you binge, the closer together the binges get, and soon every day you can find a reason to drink heavily. Congrats on making such great changes now, before your whole life is just one big binge (trust me on that one!!)

I don't know if this will apply to you, but my therapist told me to think about my friends, and start trying to figure out which ones were true friends, and who was just a drinking buddy (doesn't mean you like them any less, just that you may not want to spend so much time with them!) Hope that helps!

LogCabin

You deserve to have FUN. Getting out and hanging with other sober people can be more fun that you have ever imagined. Isolation and feeling sorry for yourself is not good for our sobriety.

And learning to love yourself...also a biggie!

dancinggirl

I'm a binger, too. I thought that it meant I wasn't an alcoholic. Hahaha...sigh. Of COURSE I'm an alcoholic! I'd "hold off" a few days and then binge again. Or purposefully get together with certain people for nights out, knowing they'd be alcohol related activities! I'd try and manage how much I'd drink and how long inbetween I should wait so that I wouldn't be an alcoholic. But as you'll read many times on here, people that aren't alcoholics don't wonder when they can drink again or have to stop themselves for certain time periods.

I'm going to be losing out on some friends, too, if they can't accept that I won't drink. Drunk me is more fun to them than sober me. Probably 'cause I was always the drunkest. I wonder if they wanted me around 'cause as long as they weren't as drunk as me, then THEY didn't have a problem? Hmmm....

Anyways, keep on truckin'! We can do this!

WishIWasNormal

Dancing Girl-It appears that your friends are continuing on their merry way without you, but I can guarantee that they are watching the outcome of your sobriety decision very closely. If you can stay sober even a week or two, there will be former drinking pals who will approach you and ask "how you did it" because they had been unable to do it themselves. I think there is alot of truth in your statement that they may have wanted you around so they didn't feel they had a problem since you got the drunkest. Anyway, blessings to you.

CarolD

When I was a drinker...my friends were too.
My social life was all about boose.

When I decided to quit...I needed to find
others who shared my sober lifestyle.

Yes...I found them in AA meetings.

I remember you said "No AA and no church"
Darn shame to limmit yourself IMO