How do you overcome major temptations?...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 159
How do you overcome major temptations?...
Okay.. I know many of you have probably been through this and I would like some advice before I face my biggest challenge early on in my sobriety...
I'm going to a major music festival which spans over 3 nights with 8 friends and no doubt they will be drinking and using pot. These are people that have never abused like I have and I consider them all great people and would never pressure me or judge me if I didn't use. My main concern is I have never been open with them about my abuse (maybe they know or have an idea) and the temptations of beer gardens and easily accessible drugs is a bit overwhelming. I am truly going for the music but when I bought the tickets a few months back all I was thinking about was partying on top of it. I think that opening up with them completely is not in my best interest right now as I'm finding my recovery going great speaking only with a few really close people to me.
My question is.. how would you handle this situation and what advice can you give from experiences similar to this to make it a great sober weekend having a great time with friends?
Thanks in advance to any replies!
Bruce
I'm going to a major music festival which spans over 3 nights with 8 friends and no doubt they will be drinking and using pot. These are people that have never abused like I have and I consider them all great people and would never pressure me or judge me if I didn't use. My main concern is I have never been open with them about my abuse (maybe they know or have an idea) and the temptations of beer gardens and easily accessible drugs is a bit overwhelming. I am truly going for the music but when I bought the tickets a few months back all I was thinking about was partying on top of it. I think that opening up with them completely is not in my best interest right now as I'm finding my recovery going great speaking only with a few really close people to me.
My question is.. how would you handle this situation and what advice can you give from experiences similar to this to make it a great sober weekend having a great time with friends?
Thanks in advance to any replies!
Bruce
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Join Date: Jul 2008
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I'm curious about this as well.....there's a "reunion" of sorts coming up with a bunch of people I grew up with. I've been looking forward to this for weeks, as it'll be fun seeing everyone again...and it'll be a big booze-fest. I've debated not going, but I need to know how to have fun without drinking.
However....I AM telling people I'm an alcoholic. I didn't tell people last time, mainly so I'd have an "out" and be able to relapse without consequences. I'm serious about not drinking this time, so I want to be accountable to more than just myself if I drink. I want people to know so I have one less "out" that will have me drink. I also know that it might just be smarter to not go at all. My not drinking HAS TO come first. There will always be more gatherings in years to come.....
However....I AM telling people I'm an alcoholic. I didn't tell people last time, mainly so I'd have an "out" and be able to relapse without consequences. I'm serious about not drinking this time, so I want to be accountable to more than just myself if I drink. I want people to know so I have one less "out" that will have me drink. I also know that it might just be smarter to not go at all. My not drinking HAS TO come first. There will always be more gatherings in years to come.....
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Join Date: Jun 2008
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My own experience with this type of situation involved with how much clean time I had, and how I felt about my ability to resist the temptation of using. As my clean time increased I found that my resolve to not drink became stronger, I developed good recovery habits
There were activities I avoided until I had enough clean time to deal with the question: "Will I be able to resist using?".
When I could answer that question confidently and honestly, only then did I 'test the waters' with certain activities, AND importantly - I still made sure I had the means to remove myself from the situation without depending upon others (I drove myself).
I can be a bit tense and over-protective of my recovery, because I really do feel it is a matter of life & death, for me. Others may not need to take such precautions. Time often tells.
Good luck in your decision.
There were activities I avoided until I had enough clean time to deal with the question: "Will I be able to resist using?".
When I could answer that question confidently and honestly, only then did I 'test the waters' with certain activities, AND importantly - I still made sure I had the means to remove myself from the situation without depending upon others (I drove myself).
I can be a bit tense and over-protective of my recovery, because I really do feel it is a matter of life & death, for me. Others may not need to take such precautions. Time often tells.
Good luck in your decision.
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
I'm sure this is going to open up a flood-gate of suggestions; and, you'll either go with one, that will turn out to be the "right" one or not. It's a bit of a crapshoot.
My first inclination would be to say, "Don't go." But, I think you've already decided that's not an option, since you're wanting to know how to handle it when you do go.
If there were some reason (early in sobriety) that I absolutely had to attend a function surrounded by alcohol, I would 1) have the phone number of my sponsor handy; 2) have the phone number of anyone else in AA or a good friend handy; 3) have a list of AA/NA meetings in the area (and a way to get to one); 4) get the phone number of the closest 24/hour AA/NA hotline (and use it, if I felt tempted).
Personally, it was two years sober through AA before I trusted myself to take a vacation at the shore...which, for me, was synonymous with heavy drinking. Even then, I made meetings in the evening.
Before that, everyone who mattered to me was made aware I was in recovery...so, anytime alcohol was involved, "I knew they knew".
My first inclination would be to say, "Don't go." But, I think you've already decided that's not an option, since you're wanting to know how to handle it when you do go.
If there were some reason (early in sobriety) that I absolutely had to attend a function surrounded by alcohol, I would 1) have the phone number of my sponsor handy; 2) have the phone number of anyone else in AA or a good friend handy; 3) have a list of AA/NA meetings in the area (and a way to get to one); 4) get the phone number of the closest 24/hour AA/NA hotline (and use it, if I felt tempted).
Personally, it was two years sober through AA before I trusted myself to take a vacation at the shore...which, for me, was synonymous with heavy drinking. Even then, I made meetings in the evening.
Before that, everyone who mattered to me was made aware I was in recovery...so, anytime alcohol was involved, "I knew they knew".
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
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Sometimes abstinence is the only thing that works for me after I've tried everything else, and I guess it can also be the line of first defense. I can say NO to a drink, and I always remind myself that I can never drink safely again.
If you're uncomfortable with telling your friends about your sobriety how about telling them your doctor told you to stay away from alcohol and drugs for awhile?
Or if you really want to have a little fun you can always say: "No thanks, I have an allergic reaction to alcohol. I break out in handcuffs"
If you're uncomfortable with telling your friends about your sobriety how about telling them your doctor told you to stay away from alcohol and drugs for awhile?
Or if you really want to have a little fun you can always say: "No thanks, I have an allergic reaction to alcohol. I break out in handcuffs"
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 159
I like it all... I know this is probably not the best time for me to be testing the waters a mere week & a half into this new life, but I've invested alot into this (money and time organizing, plus we are staying at my sisters place so kinda have to go!) I really like the idea of having a number on hand to call if I'm tempted and I will be able to call the people I trust and who know me best while I'm away. I have confidence in myself as through this last week and a bit I've changed all aspects of my life and have never felt better or stronger as a person in my whole life. If it does come to a tough situation all I have to do is say NO and step away and remind myself why I am there (good music & enjoying the sun) Plus if I'm drugged up then I probably won't remember the concert anyways and what the heck is the point of that!
Thanks for the input thus far! Feeling better about it already...
Thanks for the input thus far! Feeling better about it already...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: NYC - New York
Posts: 305
Bruce it sucks to have to worry over something that should be just a good time to look forward to.
If I were in your shoes I probably wouldn't make it through without drinking. I wouldn't smoke as I have enough time off of pot to not really want it anymore; but the booze would get me.
I wish you all the luck in the world. I'm sure it would be a wonderful feeling coming home knowing you'd managed to stay sober through the whole thing.
If I were in your shoes I probably wouldn't make it through without drinking. I wouldn't smoke as I have enough time off of pot to not really want it anymore; but the booze would get me.
I wish you all the luck in the world. I'm sure it would be a wonderful feeling coming home knowing you'd managed to stay sober through the whole thing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
As most have said previously, it's always a personal decision; for some it takes a long time to be able to be around alcohol/drugs and be comfortable in one's own skin to say, "No." ....and for some of us *&^%$#$ folks (hehe), it was not a problem; a non-issue.....
You've gotten some great suggestions; the phone numbers are always good to have around; lots and lots of them.
I did see a couple of things in your first post that, to me anyway, were red flags.........:
1) "... temptations of beer gardens and easily accessible drugs is a bit overwhelming..."
2) "...when I bought the tickets a few months back all I was thinking about was partying on top of it..."
3) "... I have never been open with them about my abuse...I think that opening up with them completely is not in my best interest right now..."
#'s 1 & 2 make me feel a bit skittish; you may want to take a good hard look at yourself and these feelings.....and how you feel now....sometimes, regardless of the cost, it's best to avoid temptations, it they're strong, and perhaps even stronger than we are.
#3 brings a question to my mind.....you've not told them? you've never been open with them? it's not in your best interest to tell them (that you're not drinking or drugging anymore)??? Perhaps you may want to look at this with your sponsor (or close support group, if you don't have a sponsor).
I've always been pretty open with my friends, when it was relevent (a major music festival would fall into that category in my book); I'm not one of those 'go tell it on the mountain' types of folks.....but being honest and up-front with my friends has always been a good place for me to live.
Whatever you decide.....good thought goin' out to ya......... (o:
NoelleR
You've gotten some great suggestions; the phone numbers are always good to have around; lots and lots of them.
I did see a couple of things in your first post that, to me anyway, were red flags.........:
1) "... temptations of beer gardens and easily accessible drugs is a bit overwhelming..."
2) "...when I bought the tickets a few months back all I was thinking about was partying on top of it..."
3) "... I have never been open with them about my abuse...I think that opening up with them completely is not in my best interest right now..."
#'s 1 & 2 make me feel a bit skittish; you may want to take a good hard look at yourself and these feelings.....and how you feel now....sometimes, regardless of the cost, it's best to avoid temptations, it they're strong, and perhaps even stronger than we are.
#3 brings a question to my mind.....you've not told them? you've never been open with them? it's not in your best interest to tell them (that you're not drinking or drugging anymore)??? Perhaps you may want to look at this with your sponsor (or close support group, if you don't have a sponsor).
I've always been pretty open with my friends, when it was relevent (a major music festival would fall into that category in my book); I'm not one of those 'go tell it on the mountain' types of folks.....but being honest and up-front with my friends has always been a good place for me to live.
Whatever you decide.....good thought goin' out to ya......... (o:
NoelleR
God's Kid
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,820
I never went to any place where it was boozy for a long time
It wasn't too hard to avoid really, I jut lived in AA.
So can't really offer any advice on 'how to make it through'. I was just too scared I was going to drink or use again so I stayed far away it all.
Plus all the old timers (every week) said "If you sit in the barbers chair long enough you're going to get a hair cut."
But I will suggest
- Take your cell or buy one and ring some one in recovery every day
- Get a t shirt that says Friend of Bill W's come and say Hi
- Help the people who get really wasted and hurt themselves, even if they are strangers
- Make sure you can leave if you want to i.e have money for public transport or your own car etc...
And like everyone else, I wish you all the best.
So can't really offer any advice on 'how to make it through'. I was just too scared I was going to drink or use again so I stayed far away it all.
Plus all the old timers (every week) said "If you sit in the barbers chair long enough you're going to get a hair cut."
But I will suggest
- Take your cell or buy one and ring some one in recovery every day
- Get a t shirt that says Friend of Bill W's come and say Hi
- Help the people who get really wasted and hurt themselves, even if they are strangers
- Make sure you can leave if you want to i.e have money for public transport or your own car etc...
And like everyone else, I wish you all the best.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 700
The Big Book says not to be afraid of putting ourselves in situations where drinking is involved. It actually says to keep alcohol in your home in case you need to help out somebody you might be working with to settle their nerves. But it also says to make sure you have done the steps and had the spiritual awakening before you do it.
For me sobriety is life and death. If I was new I would think real hard is a 3 day weekend of music worth jeopardizing my sobriety.
Good Luck
For me sobriety is life and death. If I was new I would think real hard is a 3 day weekend of music worth jeopardizing my sobriety.
Good Luck
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Grants Pass, Oregon
Posts: 137
Bruce,
I like to walk around and watch people doing what I used to do and imagine how they will feel in the morning. Then I try to remain in close proximity to those folks during the next day and remember (and see) how they feel and I DON'T. The struggle is to not drink/drug the evening before when they do. The reward is the next day when you can take a shower, eat breakfast, play volleyball and maybe enjoy a nature hike, while the others are moaning and groaning and starting the drinking all over again.
I like to walk around and watch people doing what I used to do and imagine how they will feel in the morning. Then I try to remain in close proximity to those folks during the next day and remember (and see) how they feel and I DON'T. The struggle is to not drink/drug the evening before when they do. The reward is the next day when you can take a shower, eat breakfast, play volleyball and maybe enjoy a nature hike, while the others are moaning and groaning and starting the drinking all over again.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I would not go. Recovery has to be the priority.
I couldn't be around people drinking, early in my recovery. I went to a party thinking I could tough it out and get through it. I did get through it, was absolutely miserable the whole night, and went out and drank the next day.
I couldn't be around people drinking, early in my recovery. I went to a party thinking I could tough it out and get through it. I did get through it, was absolutely miserable the whole night, and went out and drank the next day.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 58
I was in your shoes months ago and I fell flat on my face. Lesson I learned: I was NOT ready to be in that situation, no matter who was with me or what I did to try to prevent a relapse.
Maybe you could decide to be the "babysitetr" for those who aren't going to remain Sober. As Liz says, help others, it may help you.
Maybe you could decide to be the "babysitetr" for those who aren't going to remain Sober. As Liz says, help others, it may help you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 159
Well, the definite consensus is I should not go which I totally understand and the more people bring things up the more I ponder about it. I've been thinking about this alot the last few days and really I have no option but to go due to my commitment for others to have a place to stay with my sister. I have decided to take these steps prior/while at the festival:
1) Open up with one of the people I feel closest to that is going and let them know how serious my problem has been and that I am in recovery and have them be my go-to buddy if I need someone to talk to. (This person isnt the party type so they will be level-headed all weekend)
2) Let my sister know my situation and desires to keep going on the right path no matter what the temptation is. The good news is we arent camping on the festival grounds so I know that will cut out alot of temptation as we will be about 20mins away by car from the site.
3) Stay away from the grounds for as long as I can (Only head out there when the bands are on that I really want to see)
4) Always have numbers to call of people if I think I'm gonna do anything stupid.
5) Never underestimate my desire to succeed and kick this addiction right in the ass when I come back home sober from 3 days of awesome music. I know myself and the temptation of alcohol is not something that will be that difficult for me and I'm also a little scardy cat when it comes to smoking up in a large public place...can we say paranoia? Also cops and security are expected to be in large numbers and I'm not interested in altercations.
6) Take on the roll of looking after my friends and being the one who helps them make a right choice when they are in the time of need (AKA going to pass out by the port-a-potty)
I couldnt of thought of these things on my own cause I havent done this before so I really appreciate the suggestions and concerns. I'm promising to be a good boy all weekend and have a great time taking a huge step in my recovery. I know alot of people may be doubters but I am very confident this time is different for me and I feel like now I have all the tools to ensure this.
Thanks to all who replied!
Bruce
1) Open up with one of the people I feel closest to that is going and let them know how serious my problem has been and that I am in recovery and have them be my go-to buddy if I need someone to talk to. (This person isnt the party type so they will be level-headed all weekend)
2) Let my sister know my situation and desires to keep going on the right path no matter what the temptation is. The good news is we arent camping on the festival grounds so I know that will cut out alot of temptation as we will be about 20mins away by car from the site.
3) Stay away from the grounds for as long as I can (Only head out there when the bands are on that I really want to see)
4) Always have numbers to call of people if I think I'm gonna do anything stupid.
5) Never underestimate my desire to succeed and kick this addiction right in the ass when I come back home sober from 3 days of awesome music. I know myself and the temptation of alcohol is not something that will be that difficult for me and I'm also a little scardy cat when it comes to smoking up in a large public place...can we say paranoia? Also cops and security are expected to be in large numbers and I'm not interested in altercations.
6) Take on the roll of looking after my friends and being the one who helps them make a right choice when they are in the time of need (AKA going to pass out by the port-a-potty)
I couldnt of thought of these things on my own cause I havent done this before so I really appreciate the suggestions and concerns. I'm promising to be a good boy all weekend and have a great time taking a huge step in my recovery. I know alot of people may be doubters but I am very confident this time is different for me and I feel like now I have all the tools to ensure this.
Thanks to all who replied!
Bruce
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