Update
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Great Lake Country
Posts: 333
Update
Okay, so Sunday started out calm. It didn't end that way. The AW, after all of the drama of the past week, seems agreeable to talk and negotiate. So we talk in the morning as I'm working on the house (installing trim, which looks great by the way..
)
She starts drinking about noon. By the time I'm done working at 6, she wants to watch a movie I had Tivoed last night (which she passed out before watching). We start the movie, and lo and behold 30 minutes into the movie, boom, she's out.
I continue to watch, and the daughter comes home about 7:30. She's on the phone, as always, and about 8, the AW wakes up and starts drinking more.
The AW starts working on dinner, which is scary to watch. The daughter looks at her, and immediately goes off. 5 minutes into the tirade, the AW turns 90 degrees, looks at me, and says "I f%$&&TG hate you, I never loved you, and I'm leaving and going to the only person who ever loved me". So she calles the ex.
The daughter goes ballistic, and starts yelling. She pulls the phone out of the hands of her mom, still yelling, and off we go into another adventure.
After 45 minutes of arguing, the AW walks out of the house, on her way to a parking lot where the X should be waiting.
I sit and talk with the daughter, who tells me I deserve better, and I should leave. We make some agreements where the daughter will let me into the house should I get locked out, I pack some stuff and leave to go to a place with more serenity, and some support.
At my friends house, I vent a little, and go to bed. I get up in the morning, get out of the shower, and my cell rings. It's the AW, who says she's sorry and wants me to come home.
After I left, the AW came back. The daughter had called her brother, who got out of bed, and came down. Apparently, they tore her up.
At the end of the day yesterday, the AW had made a counseling appt, where she detailed that she has a problem with alcohol. The referral group told her that if she stopped cold turkey she would have issues (withdrawal), and they would medicate her to help. So next week she goes to counseling.
She started having withdrawal last night, and drank 2 beers over 4 hours to alleviate them somewhat.
So here is where I am. I told her I would help her, but she has to perform. Just seeking an appt. isn't enough. She has to go through with it. We also have to go through marital counseling. This is our last chance, otherwise we need to cut our losses.
I'm a newbie, and I know I made mistakes in this, but this is the best outcome so far.
) She starts drinking about noon. By the time I'm done working at 6, she wants to watch a movie I had Tivoed last night (which she passed out before watching). We start the movie, and lo and behold 30 minutes into the movie, boom, she's out.
I continue to watch, and the daughter comes home about 7:30. She's on the phone, as always, and about 8, the AW wakes up and starts drinking more.
The AW starts working on dinner, which is scary to watch. The daughter looks at her, and immediately goes off. 5 minutes into the tirade, the AW turns 90 degrees, looks at me, and says "I f%$&&TG hate you, I never loved you, and I'm leaving and going to the only person who ever loved me". So she calles the ex.
The daughter goes ballistic, and starts yelling. She pulls the phone out of the hands of her mom, still yelling, and off we go into another adventure.
After 45 minutes of arguing, the AW walks out of the house, on her way to a parking lot where the X should be waiting.
I sit and talk with the daughter, who tells me I deserve better, and I should leave. We make some agreements where the daughter will let me into the house should I get locked out, I pack some stuff and leave to go to a place with more serenity, and some support.
At my friends house, I vent a little, and go to bed. I get up in the morning, get out of the shower, and my cell rings. It's the AW, who says she's sorry and wants me to come home.
After I left, the AW came back. The daughter had called her brother, who got out of bed, and came down. Apparently, they tore her up.
At the end of the day yesterday, the AW had made a counseling appt, where she detailed that she has a problem with alcohol. The referral group told her that if she stopped cold turkey she would have issues (withdrawal), and they would medicate her to help. So next week she goes to counseling.
She started having withdrawal last night, and drank 2 beers over 4 hours to alleviate them somewhat.
So here is where I am. I told her I would help her, but she has to perform. Just seeking an appt. isn't enough. She has to go through with it. We also have to go through marital counseling. This is our last chance, otherwise we need to cut our losses.
I'm a newbie, and I know I made mistakes in this, but this is the best outcome so far.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((Reddmax))
what a tough ordeal for your family. I pray that your wife does follow thru with her promises for seeking help. I'm sure the counseling will help too.
In our situation, what helped me the most was working on my own recovery thru Al-Anon meetings, posting here at SR, reading recovery literature and working with my sponsor thru the steps for myself. I don't know if you are already doing this - but it did help me regardless of the actions of my spouse.
Prayers and good thoughts of peace and joy for you and your family,
Rita
what a tough ordeal for your family. I pray that your wife does follow thru with her promises for seeking help. I'm sure the counseling will help too.
In our situation, what helped me the most was working on my own recovery thru Al-Anon meetings, posting here at SR, reading recovery literature and working with my sponsor thru the steps for myself. I don't know if you are already doing this - but it did help me regardless of the actions of my spouse.
Prayers and good thoughts of peace and joy for you and your family,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Motown
Posts: 122
Wow, what an emotional roller coaster! Stick to your guns, be strong, it doesn't sound like an easy road ahead. But we’re all here for you!
You say she goes to counseling next week, but what’s going to happen in the meantime, esp. with her withdrawal symptoms? Marital counseling helped ah and I learn to communicate better, and what Japic05 said, I second. Al-Anon has been a Godsend for me as well, even though I’m early on in the process. Is her counselor experienced in alcoholism? I’ll be watching closely to learn from your experience!
Wishing you and your family the best,
juju
You say she goes to counseling next week, but what’s going to happen in the meantime, esp. with her withdrawal symptoms? Marital counseling helped ah and I learn to communicate better, and what Japic05 said, I second. Al-Anon has been a Godsend for me as well, even though I’m early on in the process. Is her counselor experienced in alcoholism? I’ll be watching closely to learn from your experience!
Wishing you and your family the best,
juju
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Great Lake Country
Posts: 333
I do realize that even if she got the referral, she still has to go. Her counselor is experienced in substance abuse in the context of family therapy. I've got to make sure that I don't read too much into this, but I'm hopeful. (damned emotions).... Dashed hopes are the worst.
One addendum, the daughter also wants to goto family counseling with her mother and I.
One addendum, the daughter also wants to goto family counseling with her mother and I.
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