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Old 07-14-2008, 10:42 AM
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And then boredom sets in...
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New to recovery

Hello everyone. My name is Clay and this is my story. I apologize for the length.

I've recently come to terms with the fact that I DO have a problem with alcohol. I don't drink everyday, but usually around 4 times a week and it's normally alone in my one bedroom apartment. If I'm not drinking, I'm smoking pot. I normally buy pot when I decide I want to quit drinking and I think the pot will help. It never does. I'll go a couple days and then get bored of getting stoned and start the whole cycle all over again.

I can't just drink a few drinks, I have to sit here and drink 14-15 beers. I can't tell you how many days I've awoken at my computer slunched over in my chair with a beer spilt between my legs. It sickens me.

When I do go out with friends, it usually ends up with them saying "remember when this happened" and I'm like, um, no.. I black out A LOT. Recentley I've found myself texting my ex girlfriends best friend and hitting on her while drunk and not remembering until I looked at my texts the next morning. Horrified, I wrote her and apologized and she said it was fine and that she knew I was drunk. Then the very next night, I did it again.

After a long 4 day binge, today I am counting as my first day sober. I'm shooting for 30 days at first. I hate to think that I could never go out and have A BEER with friends. I'd like to think that I can learn to drink responsibly and not get drunk. It's not attractive and I've never woken up a day after getting hammered and said "I'm really glad I did that". I got drunk last night and now have taken half a day off because I'm hung over. I have a tee time at 4:30pm that I so want to get out of, but I've already commited.

I'm happy to have found a community like this to help me stay straight. I would like to update my progress daily.

So.....this is day #1! Tomorrow is another day.
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Old 07-14-2008, 10:55 AM
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Hi and Welcome,

I am an alcoholic and I can never have another drink. I'm okay with that, but like you I wanted to be able to control my drinking. I was very determined and wasted at least a year just trying over and over again to maintain control and failing. If you're an alcoholic you will not be able to drink again. If not, it should be no problem for you.

I'm glad you are deciding to stay sober for 30 days and that you have come here for support. Take a look around and read and learn and enjoy the support.
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Old 07-14-2008, 10:58 AM
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Welcome to SR stills, and congrats on your first day. 30 days is a good goal, but most of us focus on taking sobriety one day at a time, then before we know it the weeks, months, and years go by.

As far as drinking responsibly, only you can decide whether that's actually possible or not. Just my experience, I can never safely drink again, so I've made a lifelong commitment to recovery.

Keep reading and posting, I hope you find something that works for you.
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Old 07-14-2008, 12:23 PM
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Congratulation, on realizing that U do have
a Problem with Alcohol, I could relate with U,
I also would Drink, & then substitute it with Pot-
I will smoke until I couldn't Smoke no more
I was a Major, Pot head & like U & allot of us
just Got sick & Tire of the same Vicious Cycle


So God Bless & God Speed With You &














________________________________
kill it before it kills you
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Old 07-14-2008, 12:31 PM
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Stills79 - welcome! It can be a tough road but so worth it. Before you find yourself falling into old behaviors or giving in to triggers give us a post. This group has been a fantastic resource for support and guidance. I've had my share of days waking up with the dog looking at me with that "how could you say that to me last night" look a few times and I'm soooo grateful to be awake and aware now. (no dogs were hurt in the making of this post :P)
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Old 07-14-2008, 12:36 PM
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Glad you found this forum. I am finding a great source of info and support. When I finally believed I had a problem I had to take baby steps. Thinking of 30dys at a time was a lot for me. AA asks you to stop one day at a time. I often had to tell myself just don't drink now, that turned into 10 min. 30min and then 1hr. This got me through 24hr days for awhile. What Astro wrote is very true for me. Good Luck and I look forward to reading about your progress.
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Old 07-14-2008, 12:56 PM
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Welcome to SoberRecovery. Stick around, this is a great site.
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Old 07-14-2008, 02:10 PM
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everything is already ok
 
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Welcome to SR stills
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Old 07-14-2008, 03:34 PM
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Welcome to a friendly loving and supportive international community! We all have similiar problems and support each other in our quest for sobriety. Glad you found us! Keep coming back!:ghug
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Old 07-14-2008, 04:04 PM
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And then boredom sets in...
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Thanks to all of you for your support and advice! I'm pretty confident I won't have any problems throughout the weeks, it's the weekends that worry me. I have told my drinking buddies, so my only slip up would be when I'm alone, which happens to be when most my drinking takes place. This weekend they have a UFC (MMA) card on TV and sports and beer go hand and hand for me, so that's going to be hard. I am determined to beat this thing and will NOT give into temptation this time. I haven't went more than two weeks without getting drunk in probably 10-12 years. I'm almost 29 and it's time for me to stop destroying myself.

I'm very happy that I can come on here and read all your posts and talk with people that can relate. Nobody I know personnaly knows how bad my addiction is. I've hidden it well, so it was nice to be able to share it with all of you and not be judged for my shortcomings.
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Old 07-14-2008, 04:45 PM
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boredom is one of or the biggest hurdle in my attempts to get clean and stay clean. I really appreciate your post and wish you sucess and send you good thoughts of support.

sounds like a good plan, a good short term goal, and it's also good to strive for that goal one day at a time, one breath at a time
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Old 07-14-2008, 04:53 PM
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peace and serenity one day at a time , glad your here
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Old 07-14-2008, 05:27 PM
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Welcome to SR.

I just wanted to give some feedback on 2 things you said.

You mentioned that you cant imagine never drinking again, and from experience I found that when I thought of quitting permanently I would kinda get freaked out I couldnt think of life without ever being able to drink again without my brain going to overload. Just wory about today for now, break it down, one day at a time is a lot easier to swallow than never again.

Also association. For you beer and sports. It takes some getting use to, but try to find something else to associate with the game. pizza, wings, dr pepper ( you can see my addiction has shifted to food)something else!

Congratulations on day one, Day 2 isnt that far away so hang in there
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Old 07-14-2008, 05:39 PM
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Welcome to SR. This is a great place to come and talk about sobriety and the problems we have. Way to go on day 1 and please keep posting!
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Old 07-14-2008, 05:42 PM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
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Good luck ...Congratulations on day 1.

Welcome to our recovery community.

Please go to our Alcoholism Forum
and read the top 2 sticky post.
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Old 07-14-2008, 06:08 PM
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Just for today is a lot easier than 'never ever again' definitely. I'm not even old enough to buy a drink legally where I'm from, and I'm looking at never having a drink again. For me it's worth it though, if it means keeping the life I've started building. I don't know if I can do forever and ever... but I haven't had drink today, or for the previous 193 days.

I get a lot of help and support from NA meetings, my sponsor, and other people I've come to know in recovery. Reaching out is one of the best tools for staying clean I've found.
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Old 07-14-2008, 07:10 PM
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Stills, Welcome and congratulations on getting here. I'm surprised no one has suggested an AA or NA meeting to you yet. Changing your playmates, and playgrounds is especially important in the beginning. I hope you might look up a meeting in your newspaper or online and get out there and meet some new sober people. I couldn't do this alone.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Keep posting.
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Old 07-15-2008, 05:28 AM
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Originally Posted by stills79 View Post
I'm pretty confident I won't have any problems throughout the weeks, it's the weekends that worry me.

...and...

to share it with all of you and not be judged for my shortcomings.
Ah, a weekend warrior. As one myself I've found the best thing to do is to break your usual routine. There's something about your current situation that plays as a trigger. Maybe loneliness. Maybe boredom. I found my drinking always started after 10pm and usually only on the weekend. So instead I started getting my butt out of bed at 5:15am and going for a walk/run with my dogs. By 9:30 I'm so tired a beer sounds awful...well to be fair everything sounds awful other than just going to bed

On the shortcomings - alcoholism isn't a shortcoming any more than being susceptible to sunburns more than the guy next to you is. Just how you're built. Just how all of us here are built.

Keep up the good work!
DAY: 17
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Old 07-15-2008, 01:08 PM
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And then boredom sets in...
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Day: 2

I have to say that getting drunk really sounded good today around 2pm. I had those strong urges. It even ran through my mind that I could just start my sobriety tomorrow, but I fought it off and told myself that this illness wants to destroy me and get in the way of everything I want in life and just like that it was gone! Normally I would have given into that temptation. I have for the past 10 years, but I thought about all the advice and kind words I received from everyone on here and in a way, even though I know none of you personally, I felt as if I'd be letting all of you down. I thought how all of you took the time to write encouraging words to me and how it would all be a waste of your time if I did what I've always done (drink and regret it in the morning).

I think I'm going to make me some dinner and watch a movie! Tomorrow is another day. I wish all of you another happy day in sober land
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Old 07-16-2008, 11:55 AM
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And then boredom sets in...
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Day 3:

:praying
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