cmhcali

So I have 28 days sober. I am an emotional mess. I feel like crying over nothing. I miss my ex, I am not good enough. I do not work hard enough. I do not have a sponsor yet. I am not following what other people close me say about following the program. I feel like I am always being told what to do and always having to conform or I am less. I want these feelings to leave. I am crawling in my skin today (and yesterday). Is this normal.

I do not feel like drinking but I feel like screaming LOUD!!!!!!!!

Tazman53

You know it got a whole lot easier for me when I realized that if my way worked so darn well why am I here?

When I quit fighting and started to listen to people who knew how to stay sober things got a lot easier and a lot better.

Now very honestly ask your self this question:

"Am I having people TELL me what to do, or are these people suggesting to me what to do because it helped them stay sober?"

When I got out of detox I got a temporary sponsor at the first meeting I went to. All of the fight was out of me, alcohol had proven to me in no uncertain terms that it was more powerful then me, I knew that if I wanted to stay sober and live I needed to listen to how others who had stayed sober did it and do what they did to stay sober!

My temporary sponsor told me that what he was telling me to do where suggestions and not orders, that what he was suggesting to me is what had helped him and thousands of other alcoholics stay sober and if I wanted to stay sober it would be a lot easier following his suggestions then fighting them and getting drunk.......... I stopped fighting and life immediately started to get better.

Did your way work?

Why not get at least a temporary sponsor and see if his suggestions that have worked for thousands of other alcoholics and him work for you?

Think about when you were a kid, was life easier fighting with your parents or listening to thier suggestions?

Looking back I can see that my parents had been kids at one time also and knew what they were talking about.

tommyk

Read over again what Tazman had to say.

Read it a 3rd & 4th time too, there's a lot of wisdom in those words.

dancinggirl

Hi OP....when I was doing my 54 days (as far as I'd gotten) I remember very clearly having that creepy crawly feeling for the first few weeks. It passed. Also, I remember crying at everything! Seriously, not a Hallmark commercial could be seen without me bawling! That passed, too. Your emotions are becoming your own again...not alcohol's.... Ride it out. It gets better. Your body is just re-balancing....give it a chance.

cmhcali

It does make a lot of sense what you said Tazman. I guess I always feel like people are telling me what to do and judging me (my own mind). The hardest person is my dad. I believe he has 25 years sober and I went to AA as a child.

It started on Saturday I was going to a meeting with my Ex 45 minutes away. There are not a lot of BBSS meetings and that is all my ex will go to as that is what works for him. Well for me I do not have a license so whomever if willing to take me to a meeting I will go. I go to NA meetings with my brother and my only problem was with alcohol.

So there arose the problem. My dad said "Listen to me it is ok you go to this meeting today but I you should go to closer meetings and build a network around here and do not get false hopes". (I am 29 why are you suggesting what meetings I go to).

This enraged me. I did not have false hopes. I just had someone offer to take me to a meeting and I took it. I do not see a problem driving to a meeting as I had no problem driving to go to bars with my friends. So that was issue one. I think it is just my dad that really bothers me. He has been sober but never worked the program. He yells all the time. If you do anything he does not like he lets you know in a not so pleasant way. I am seeing that although he is sober he does not have control of his life as he tries to control everyone elses'.

I do not live at home so why must I cook if you feel like eating something if I am not eating there. I know resentments a completely different topic.

As for a sponsor being a woman and only having a ride to meetings thus far from men has not been easy. At the end of the meeting they always tell sponsors to raise there hands and they are always men. So I am trying different meetings and not giving up hope.

I have asked my mom to bring me to a meeting and there are no Women Only meetings tonight in the area. But I will try another one. I am not afraid to try I want this and I want my life. I just have not been able to find a sponsor yet. Also I am going to NA meetings as I will take what I can get, and I do not want a sponsor from NA as drugs are not my problem alcohol is. I just feel for me someone from AA is better for me (my own opinion).

But all you have said is so great and so helpful. I just need to get some of these feelings out!!!!!

Dancinggirl you are probably right. I have only had a short period of time. I have gone long periods of time without drinking when i did not quit as I was with someone in the program and did not struggle. It was easy. I was not put in situations to drink when I was with my crutch (my ex). It was not until he left me for my drinking (glad he did) and I got in trouble and finally looked deep into my past that I realized what I was hiding was always reality and I needed to deal with it. I have always been a person that gives in easily and does not try to control people at all. I am usually controlled. I am the pleaser. But never feel pleased.

I am just going to keep coming here. I need to stop feeling that I need to explain myself. The truth is I am an alcoholic and I need my mind to connect with my subconscious and reach agreement. Than hopefully my emotions will get under control. Did anything work for anyone?