Hope

I feel really alone now. Even right now it is hard for me to reach out.

My grandparents have been very ill. My grandpa is in the hospital now and I'm so scared of what is going to happen.

I've missed more classes. I'm struggling in school. I don't know what to do.

I'm trying to hang on but I'm really struggling with life right now and I'm in a lot of pain.

Dee74

Focus on now Cheryl.

One minute, one hour, one day at a time.
Don't let fear rule you.

Bad things might not happen...

but if they do...you're not alone. Someone else has been there.
That's the beauty of SR.

D

Cathy31

What dee said...you're not alone Hope, keep it in the day. Most of the stuff we dread doesn't happen - and if it does, God gives us everything we need to deal with it.

Keep going Hope!

Your sister in recovery,
Cathy31
x

laurie6781

Cheryl, when was the last time you went to a meeting or called the numbers on your phone list until you found someone home you could talk to??

We've talked about this....................................You are ISOLATING again. You know sweetie that you cannot do that and feel good in sobriety.

You can always call me, you know that.

So....................................give me a call and I'll call you back if you want or we just chat.

Lots of love and bunches and bunches of hugs,

RobbyRobot

:praying

Hope,

please keep sharing, and you know, your very brave already to have shared your sad post. please do hang on tightly because your struggles are not for nothing. you are a lovely person, and you so deserve to be happy and free from being alone and frightened. i am sorry also for your grandparents and i know you pray for them. and your classes are being missed, and your worried of course. it's alot of stuff to deal with day after day.

i want to tell you this: when things happen to me that are out of my control i have learned to simply accept the prays below and i do trust that they will bring some comfort for you too. i wish all the best for you Hope!

Robby



God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.



Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

jherzanek

One day you will find that you are happy to just be you, with yourself. That will be the best feeling in the world. At first, without alcohol, it will be difficult because every experience—good and bad is experienced "raw"—and you will feel things to the extreme. Hang in there, because you WILL get through this.

Just remember that "Every day is not a hot fudge sundae"!!

Time2Surrender

(((Cheryl))) Im in the same boat. Your not alone.

karengrovo

Hope,

I encourage you to hang in there. I hope you can find the peace in your heart to turn your grandparents over to God's care.

As far as class goes, I encourage you to force yourself to get out of the house and Go to class! It will relieve the stress of getting behind, then having to struggle to catch up. Plus, it will get you around other people.

I have the tendency to hole up and isolate myself when I am hurting, so I can relate to how you are feeling. I have to force myself to even go to Walmart, much less church, etc. But I always feel a tiny bit better once I leave the house and go.

Good luck and God bless,
Karen

mikel60

Keep on going hope. The most dificult things in my life happened when I was sober and that made it easier to cope. Lean on your friends here. Don't worry too much about school. Keep going, try to study, but there will be other chances. I've been there, I know. Prayers going out from Boston.
Mike

least

I am guilty of isolating myself from the rest of the world. I feel I'm not deserving of being with the rest of the world, which is just a lie my self destructive side tells me. I have to fight to make myself get out of the house, out of myself, to join the rest of the souls in this journey of Life. You are not alone. There are many of us here with you, you just can't see us right now.

:ghug

BUTTERFLY-7

Let Go and Let God!!!!!















_________________________
kill it before it kills you

Hope

Sorry I've been slow at getting back here.

.. update on my grandpa.

I've been at the hospital the last 2 days. He is very ill. He doesn't even know who I am. He is having major surgery tomorrow and it is a huge risk because of his age and the fact that he had heart surgery earlier this year. I am so scared.

My mom said that my grandpa was talking about having angels in the room so my whole family is freaking out about death.

If he dies, I don't know how I can get through it without drinking. It will be the hardest thing that I have EVER had to face in my recovery.... and I want so much to drink myself into oblivion but I can't. I know he would want me to be strong and stay away from alcohol.

If something happens to him, at least he got to see me sober before he died. Sober since 10/05/07... I would hate to throw all that away. I know that reaching out and getting support, I have people who will help me get through this. I don't have to be alone.

I feel like blowing off school to be there for my grandpa's surgery tomorrow but I'll be in major academic trouble because I've already missed two days... but this is my GRANDPA. He's been a dad to me my whole life.

Thanks so much everyone.

Dee74

Cheryl

schools understand crises like these. Don't worry about that.

As for drinking - I understand the way you feel.
I've felt like that most of my adult life.

But drinking solves nothing - the best it does is shift any grieving to another day - where it would lie on top the remorse you'd feel for screwing up.

No matter what happens with your grandfather, your grandma and the other members of your family need you. Sometimes the best way to get through something hard like this is to be there for someone else. There's a strength in that.

There's a strength in you too, Cheryl, but you'll never find it if you never use it and just run away

thinking of you
D

mikel60

Dee's right - this is your grandpa. school can wait. Being with your family will demonstrate the strength of character that will help you get through this crisis. My wife and I suffered through a horrible loss (and then some more) a few years back, but we did it together and today are stronger for it... and we didn't drink. You can do this, Hope. We're praying and thinking of you.
Mike

nogard

(((((((((((((Cheryl))))))))))))))

Rowan

Sending love and prayers across the miles to you, Cheryl. Whatever happens, you don't have to drink over it. Feelings are painful - but they won't kill you. I've numbed mine for so many years and finally FEEL again and it's not as bad as I had anticipated. Really.
Stay connected.

karengrovo

Cheryl,

The teacher in me is coming out...

I am assuming you are in college. If that is the case, then you are in summer school, where classes pack loads of information on the students in a shortened time period. Usually a whole semester's worth in six weeks. Missing two or three days of summer school is equivalent to missing 2 or 3 weeks of regular session. So you are right about getting way behind if you miss class.

I am not saying don't be there for your grandfather's surgery. But if you do decide to miss class, CALL YOUR PROF and let him know what is going on. Otherwise, he/she might think you are just blowing off class. Teachers understand that issues arise and it has been my experience that are really good at working with students (with legit reasons for absences) to get them caught back up.

Keep in mind, that college isn't free education... you are paying for it... and it isn't cheap! If this is a required class then you will have to pay to take it again.

I realize you are going through a rough time right now, I am just trying to encourage you to handle your affairs in a responsible way. Just blowing off your school responsibilities because you are stressed out is line with the same self destructive behavior, you would exhibit if you just said, "to hell with it... I feel like a drink, so I'm gonna have a drink."

If you feel like you need to be there for your grandfather's surgery, by all means go! But what I am trying to say is, please communicate with your prof, find out the assignment, etc. so that you don't get so far behind that you loose what you have invested in class so far.

Prayers for you and your grandfather.

Good luck and God bless.
Karen

four812

it may be a good thing for you to go to school. get your mind some stimulation. reach out and meet someone new.You are in the hole in school and sounds like this may be your last chance to start at saving this semester.then go see your grandpa later, and bring your homework with you and maybe you can do some there.


Or


if you absolutely have to then see your grandpa, and do your best to try and manage school by talking with your professors, preferrably in person.

i send you kindness and hope, no matter what you choose to do. You will do what you need to do and what is right for YOU at this time.

so go ahead and do the right thing.

you can do it.

BUTTERFLY-7

YouTube - Mark Schultz - "He Will Carry Me" (PARTIAL)

dancinggirl

I read something fabulous in another thread (whoever wrote it, thank you so much!). It went something like this: Alcohol only tells you what it can do for you...it doesn't tell you what it has done to you in the past.
In a nutshell: you think there's sweet oblivion in the drinking...it'll get you past the pain of your grandpa (by the way...so sorry for the illness!)...what you're not remembering is that not only will you still feel the pain of your grandpa, but it will be AMPLIFIED 100-fold! You're in pain right now....why add MORE pain?! It will NOT make you feel better!

You can do this! Keep reaching out! I feel for you...