loner1968

It's bad to want to find out how the XABF is.....Was hanging out with my friends waiting for some fireworks and 3 of them happen to be his mother, sister, and niece that I have stayed in very loose contact with.

I have really just been having his 13 year old niece stay the weekend once in awhile. We watch movies, listen to Fall out Boy and My Chemical Romance,(LOL) eat junk food act stupid.. anyway... none of us ever talked much about what happened between X and I. Some out of respect for me and my respect for them. I told them early on that I never wanted our relationship to revolve around him etc...so we just don't talk about it. If I ask them something they will tell me but I don't ever ask anymore.

My point is, just being around them and some of my old and close friends that still say Hi to the XABF on occasion, I started wondering about how he is. I am pretty sure I know how he is so it's probably a waste of time and I will find out something that will bother me for weeks (whatever) that probably isn't true anyway...


I'm not missing him but I just wonder how he is. If he is still drinking, which I'm sure he is, Nobody at all will ever know the truth about how he is anyway... right????.

I know some of you are going to tell me to work on myself etc..and I really have been trying my VERY best.. I don't want to DO anything or try to talk to him....doesn't anyone ever wonder about someone they were with for a long Time?

GiveLove

Sure. Especially at first. I mean, when you spend a big chunk of life with someone, you can't -- well *I* can't -- just erase every trace of them from your mind. Over time, though, my own life got too interesting and I just forgot to think about him for long periods of time, and nowadays he only crosses my mind a few times a year, mostly to think, "Whoa, dodged that bullet"

I'm guessing, if you continue to work on you, X will fade as you concentrate on your own life. Maybe you can replace these thoughts with someone else to be curious about. Friends, family members you're out of touch with, people who care about you.

And if it gets too bad, for your own health I'd be keeping your contact with people who are in touch with X to a minimum. Poke around inside your heart....are you 100% airtight sure you're not subconsciously creating these situations where you have to be in contact with these people? Just a thought.

Hugs, Loner
GL

OverItNow

Because we are human I think it is natural to wonder how he is doing. But as GiveLove said, you want to make sure why you are wondering and also why you are in contact with people from his past. I think we always wonder--I still wonder about old friends and lovers--but it is sort of that objective, I wonder what ever became of so-and-so wonder.

If I was out of my marriage with AH I am sure I would wonder how he was, but I also know in my heart that I am not far enough along in my recovery to wonder if that wonder wouldn't turn into more of the same.

Barbara52

If you really want to know, ask. But, and you know that had to be a but coming along, do you think the one's will have accurate information on whether he's drinking or anything else? Ask yourself what difference it makes.

Assume you hear he's doing great, stopped drinking, has a new woman, a new job, the best things in the world are coming his way. What difference does it make to you and how will it make you feel?

Assume you hear he's doing terrible, is drunk everyday on the street and his world has come crashing down on him. What difference does it make to you and how will it make you feel?

loner1968

I'm over it now. I know how he is anyway and I don't need to ask anyone. He's still a drunk so how else would he be? I already know he is a drunk...that's all I really need to know. It was just a passing thing.