suzieq1972

For months after STBXAH walked out on us his father encouraged me to divorce his son. He was afraid that AH was going to ruin me financially and emotionally (which we all know is soooo true).

Fast forward to when I do finally decide to file. STBXAH shows FIL the papers and he goes ballistic! FIL comes over to the house to talk with me asking if I'm serious about divorcing his son (well, why else would I have filed?). I tell him yes.

Next thing I know FIL is demanding to know why I'm asking for the house without giving STBXAH his "half". Well, hello, your grandson and I would like a place to live. His response, as well as his son's, was that we could live with my parents. Yeah, well I don't think so. FIL also wants to know why I'm asking for child support because how is STBX going to pay child support if he doesn't have a job? He'll just get thrown in jail for not paying. I'm sorry, how is that my problem?

FIL dropped our son off at the house yesterday after he spent the afternoon with him. He told me he didn't want me to be mad at him anymore and I just shrugged my shoulders. He told me he knew I was still mad, but he was still mad too. Then, he INVITES ME TO EAT SUPPER AT HIS HOUSE! Sorry, I'm not interested in eating with someone who has practically called me a gold digger.

It's interesting how all that time he wanted me to divorce his son and then when I finally do it he doesn't agree with the way I do it.

Just goes to show that blood is definitely thicker than water.




Sue

hadenoughnow

In laws are funny like that. What they really mean is "go ahead and divorce him as long as it does not affect me". Your FIL possibly thought that your AH would be "scared straight", now his baby boy is whining so he is going all codie on you.

My ex's sister and BIL wanted to an intervention on my AH a month before I threw him out. I agreed on one condition, that if he refused to go to long term in-patient treatment he could not come home with me (the last thing I wanted was to deal with a angry drunk who feels betrayed because we are trying to force him into treatment). Suddenly they decided that they would only help with an intervention if I promised not to leave him! Needless to say there was no intervention.

prodigal

Your FIL appears to enjoy getting into the middle of YOUR business. And he certainly is inconsistent. However, you are right. Once his son went running to dad for consolation, dad took his son's side.

You sound like you have a really good handle on the situation as well as the way your FIL acts out his own codependency by projecting a lot of his issues onto you.

Any chances of your STBXAH getting a job? Heck, even if he doesn't, you sound like you're very strong and will make it without him - and do quite well, I might add.

Barbara52

It sounds like you are handling the inconsistency from your FIL pretty darned well. {hugs}

suzieq1972

Him? Get a job? Prodigal, with all the drinking and drugging he does these days I doubt he'd be able to get a job. It's really sad too because he used to be one of the hardest working people I knew. Addiction really does change a person.

Thank you Barbara and Prodigal for the confidence boosters. It really helps to hear encouragement from others who have been there.

theotherone

In Laws are there for you until you give up and it may become their problem...then they turn on you. They are afraid that they may have to step up to the plate and actually deal with the problem. If you are out of the picture...they have to deal with it and that makes them uncomfortable. Everything was fine and you were a saint when they didn't have to be responsible.:sorry

suzieq1972

This is sooo true! Fits my FIL to a T!

He is also very controlling and believes he knows everything. So, I guess he can now try to "fix" his son, since I finally figured out that I can't and I'm not supposed to. That should be really interesting.

cem001

Ok, good laugh at me today. Sorry Suzieq1972, I know it's a serious subject. But going back to a past post on what some initials meant. I am reading FIL as Phil.....

Just hit me that it's father in law.....

DUHHHH!

suzieq1972

sadandhopeless

Dont give a second thought to what your FIL says or does. You do what you need to do to protect yourself and your child. Let FIL take care of his baby boy...

Berry76

I know exactly where you are...
My inlaws where so there for me, and they where supporting me... Not really but they knew everything on what AH was doing...
So be it...
After 5 years I have finally had enough, and I tell them all...
And now I'M the one out on the streets cause they through me out...
Cause I wasn't supporting their son, and he really doesn't have a problem...
Even if they see it everyday...

So when the s.hit hits the fan they could clearly care less about me...

Startingover2

This is great. Made me see clearer what is happening in my own situation. My AH's exinlaws/employer would yell, scream, threaten and tell me to leave AH. Now he gets his dui and they are providing him with $ for an attorney, supporting him and I am the bad one for not supporting him.

i4getsm

DITTO!!! Don't let your FIL get to you. You're doing the best thing for you and your child. People always get funny about the money stuff. Anything you give to your A is likely to get wasted on alcohol anyway. I too have a jobless STBXAH. I'm not trying to take him to the cleaners (what's to take?), but I sure as heck am NOT going to put myself in a bad spot for someone who has checked out on his family.