Help him with DUI issues or not?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
Help him with DUI issues or not?
We are back from our few days out of town. Its been one week since his DUI and he now gets to start thinking about it and the consequences. His job amazingly did not fire him. This is his second DUI and more than likely he will lose his license for a year. He has a service job where he drives from job to job. Any other employer would have fired him, but he works for his ex inlaws that enable him and they are hiring someone to drive him around. So no big deal there.
He wants me to help him get an attorney to fight this dui. One I really don't have the money and two, I would hate to see him get off that easy. He thinks since he was parked when the officers came up to him he has some legal ground. I have no idea.
He drank a bit while we were gone but now swears his drinking is done. I highly doubt it. Time will tell.
He wants me to help him get an attorney to fight this dui. One I really don't have the money and two, I would hate to see him get off that easy. He thinks since he was parked when the officers came up to him he has some legal ground. I have no idea.
He drank a bit while we were gone but now swears his drinking is done. I highly doubt it. Time will tell.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
I assume his request that you "help" him get an attorney implies that you pay the attorney's fees. If I was in your position, I would point him to the phone book. Many attorneys place ads in the Yellow Pages that specify they take DUI cases.
Your AH seems to think he has grounds to fight his DUI based on the fact that he was sitting in a parked vehicle when the officers approached him. Has he told you why they approached him? In other words, did they observe him stagger into the driver's seat? Had they observed him driving erratically prior to parking? Was his car parked in front of a bar? When officers approach an individual, they state their reasons for doing so. Sounds fishy to me. I mean, he wasn't just sitting in his car listening to the radio and the police just happened to drive by and decide to question him, right?
Since your AH is still gainfully employed and has access to a phone book, I would suggest you tell him to start calling lawyers who defend DUI's. You might want to add you cannot afford to pay attorney's fees for HIS DUI.
Your AH seems to think he has grounds to fight his DUI based on the fact that he was sitting in a parked vehicle when the officers approached him. Has he told you why they approached him? In other words, did they observe him stagger into the driver's seat? Had they observed him driving erratically prior to parking? Was his car parked in front of a bar? When officers approach an individual, they state their reasons for doing so. Sounds fishy to me. I mean, he wasn't just sitting in his car listening to the radio and the police just happened to drive by and decide to question him, right?
Since your AH is still gainfully employed and has access to a phone book, I would suggest you tell him to start calling lawyers who defend DUI's. You might want to add you cannot afford to pay attorney's fees for HIS DUI.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I would let him find his own attorney and pay for it out of his own funds. He's a big boy. He doesn't need you doing for him what he is perfectly capable of doing. That is the core definition of enabling.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
fyi I can be parked in my own driveway with the key OUT of the ignition and get a DUI if there is any alcohol involved, either ingested or in an open container.
That's the law where I live.
As for helping someone out of trouble that they create, I don't do that anymore. It didn't help the other person and it certainly didn't help me.
Once I stopped creating a softer easier way for my son, he began to face the normal and natural consequences of his behavior. I couldn't live with the fact that I might have contributed to his hurting himself or someone else.
When he reached the limits of his behavior, thankfully he stopped. Unfortunately many do not get that opportunity and end up in jails, institutions or dead. That said, I helped my son with his legal issues and just about every other thing for quite awhile before I was able to see that it was not in anyone's best interest to do so.
That's the law where I live.
As for helping someone out of trouble that they create, I don't do that anymore. It didn't help the other person and it certainly didn't help me.
Once I stopped creating a softer easier way for my son, he began to face the normal and natural consequences of his behavior. I couldn't live with the fact that I might have contributed to his hurting himself or someone else.
When he reached the limits of his behavior, thankfully he stopped. Unfortunately many do not get that opportunity and end up in jails, institutions or dead. That said, I helped my son with his legal issues and just about every other thing for quite awhile before I was able to see that it was not in anyone's best interest to do so.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
He was parked at a restraunt parking lot and eating his dinner inside his truck. An anonymous caller called him in.
I am not paying for an attorney. I am sad that he has to go to jail and all the other consequences, but this is his own doing.
I am not paying for an attorney. I am sad that he has to go to jail and all the other consequences, but this is his own doing.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
Correct. It is his choices that put him where he is. It doesn't sound like he has done anything to get help or that he plans to stop drinking, either. You need to be true to you and do what is best for YOU. Dont' feel guilty or bad, you didn't cause the issue.
Sending you strength and good thoughts.
Sending you strength and good thoughts.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
After what I just saw??? I am not helping for sure. He told me after our vacation was over he was not drinking anymore...that was today. He just came home with a 6 pack of beer...and he was having one on the way home. Unbelievable! The guy just got a DUI a week ago.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
