Relapse...or just a cure for PTSD?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 6
Relapse...or just a cure for PTSD?
Hi everyone. I just found this website last night...and I'm just trying to take every opportunity I can to get advice and words of wisdom from people on my current situation.
My husband and I have been married for 3 years. We are 22 years old.
He is an addict. When he was a teen he used various drugs, including alcohol until he was put into a 6-month rehab treatment center when he was 16. This August would have been his 6th year of sobriety, however, I just found out he has been using.
He just got back from a horrible deployment in Iraq. He saw 22 men in his unit get killed, so needless to say...he has some serious traumas going on and has been diagnosed with PTSD and mild traumatic brain injury from explosions he encountered.
Things have been intense since he got home...I'm constantly walking on eggshells. He screams, breaks things, and pretty much has the most intense mood swings I've ever seen. But then all of a sudden, he told me to go stay with my sister for 2 weeks in Virginia because he thought it would help our marriage. So, although I didn't want to, I left.
When I got back, things were great. He was being a good husband...respectful, loving...everything I had been praying for.
Then about 2 weeks ago, things took a turn for the worse again.
He was throwing things across the room, saying provoking things like "take a gun and blow my brains out" and "I know you wish I had gotten killed in Iraq".
At that point, I took him to the hospital to get evaluated.
Thats where I found out he had marijuana in his system.
I had NO CLUE he had been using. I've never been around drugs in my entire life, so I have no clue what that stuff smells like and I certainly wasn't 'looking for signs' because I would have never thought he was doing drugs! After changing his story 10 times, he finally said that he got the drugs when he sent me off to Virginia. But that he had been out of marijuana for about 4 or 5 days already (which I'm guessing is the reason for the bizarre behavior that week.)
The thing is, all of a sudden he is saying that he doesn't have an addiction problem and that he never did. He said this is ABSOLUTELY NOT a relapse and has asked me to not even use that word anymore. He says it's simply that he just found the cure for PTSD. He said that he was never an addict to begin with...that all of his rehab/AA stuff was just a mistake because his drug use in 2002 was just a phase!
He tells me that the marijuana helps his PTSD and I should just turn my back and let him do it, because it obviously helped our marriage because he was able to "feel again".
The truth is, I would do almost anything to see my husband be happy again. He came back from Iraq feeling numb and empty. I would love nothing more than for him to get the gift of happiness and peace back. He suffered through so much, and I do my best to understand him and his frustrations...so that I can support him and stay with him to give him a sense of stability. But I told him I just couldn't agree to him using drugs. He told me every great thing about marijuana under the sun...even shed some tears when he could tell I wasn't budging. In the mean time, he said he would stop using if it meant keeping me as his wife.
But then on July 4th, he said he was moving out because 'it would help our marriage'....once again. He has surrounded himself with his friends that applaud him for finding the 'magic cure' for ptsd and that he should continue to do it if that is what helps.
He comes over on weekends to 'date me' and then goes back to his friends. He plans to 'come back home' in mid-august after he gets back from a trip to canada.
In general, this whole thing is just bizarre. I am completely confused on what I need to do. I know I need to help myself and that is what I'm in the process of doing. But I am really struggling through this. I know I need to detach my emotions, and to some extent, I think I have. But I'm not sure. I feel like I'm having to build a wall between us just so I don't keep feeling hurt...but I'm scared if I keep building this wall, I'll want to move on. I just don't know if I'm okay with having that emotion.
If you actually read through this, you can probably tell I drive myself crazy every single day going back and forth with myself. So thanks for bearing with me. I'm just so confused. Its like 95% of me believes this is a relapse, but with his charm, he still convinces me with that other 5% that it is not a relapse. The marijuana did, in fact, help with his PTSD symptoms. It calmed him down enough to act and feel like a normal human being.
But where do you draw the line between a relapse vs. an iraq veteran just trying to help himself cope with the traumas he suffered and suffers through every single day of his life?
Thanks in advance for any replies. I really do appreciate any words of wisdom that can be thrown my way. Even just your own thoughts on the matter!
Anything will help. Thanks for letting me vent.
My husband and I have been married for 3 years. We are 22 years old.
He is an addict. When he was a teen he used various drugs, including alcohol until he was put into a 6-month rehab treatment center when he was 16. This August would have been his 6th year of sobriety, however, I just found out he has been using.
He just got back from a horrible deployment in Iraq. He saw 22 men in his unit get killed, so needless to say...he has some serious traumas going on and has been diagnosed with PTSD and mild traumatic brain injury from explosions he encountered.
Things have been intense since he got home...I'm constantly walking on eggshells. He screams, breaks things, and pretty much has the most intense mood swings I've ever seen. But then all of a sudden, he told me to go stay with my sister for 2 weeks in Virginia because he thought it would help our marriage. So, although I didn't want to, I left.
When I got back, things were great. He was being a good husband...respectful, loving...everything I had been praying for.
Then about 2 weeks ago, things took a turn for the worse again.
He was throwing things across the room, saying provoking things like "take a gun and blow my brains out" and "I know you wish I had gotten killed in Iraq".
At that point, I took him to the hospital to get evaluated.
Thats where I found out he had marijuana in his system.
I had NO CLUE he had been using. I've never been around drugs in my entire life, so I have no clue what that stuff smells like and I certainly wasn't 'looking for signs' because I would have never thought he was doing drugs! After changing his story 10 times, he finally said that he got the drugs when he sent me off to Virginia. But that he had been out of marijuana for about 4 or 5 days already (which I'm guessing is the reason for the bizarre behavior that week.)
The thing is, all of a sudden he is saying that he doesn't have an addiction problem and that he never did. He said this is ABSOLUTELY NOT a relapse and has asked me to not even use that word anymore. He says it's simply that he just found the cure for PTSD. He said that he was never an addict to begin with...that all of his rehab/AA stuff was just a mistake because his drug use in 2002 was just a phase!
He tells me that the marijuana helps his PTSD and I should just turn my back and let him do it, because it obviously helped our marriage because he was able to "feel again".
The truth is, I would do almost anything to see my husband be happy again. He came back from Iraq feeling numb and empty. I would love nothing more than for him to get the gift of happiness and peace back. He suffered through so much, and I do my best to understand him and his frustrations...so that I can support him and stay with him to give him a sense of stability. But I told him I just couldn't agree to him using drugs. He told me every great thing about marijuana under the sun...even shed some tears when he could tell I wasn't budging. In the mean time, he said he would stop using if it meant keeping me as his wife.
But then on July 4th, he said he was moving out because 'it would help our marriage'....once again. He has surrounded himself with his friends that applaud him for finding the 'magic cure' for ptsd and that he should continue to do it if that is what helps.
He comes over on weekends to 'date me' and then goes back to his friends. He plans to 'come back home' in mid-august after he gets back from a trip to canada.
In general, this whole thing is just bizarre. I am completely confused on what I need to do. I know I need to help myself and that is what I'm in the process of doing. But I am really struggling through this. I know I need to detach my emotions, and to some extent, I think I have. But I'm not sure. I feel like I'm having to build a wall between us just so I don't keep feeling hurt...but I'm scared if I keep building this wall, I'll want to move on. I just don't know if I'm okay with having that emotion.
If you actually read through this, you can probably tell I drive myself crazy every single day going back and forth with myself. So thanks for bearing with me. I'm just so confused. Its like 95% of me believes this is a relapse, but with his charm, he still convinces me with that other 5% that it is not a relapse. The marijuana did, in fact, help with his PTSD symptoms. It calmed him down enough to act and feel like a normal human being.
But where do you draw the line between a relapse vs. an iraq veteran just trying to help himself cope with the traumas he suffered and suffers through every single day of his life?
Thanks in advance for any replies. I really do appreciate any words of wisdom that can be thrown my way. Even just your own thoughts on the matter!
Anything will help. Thanks for letting me vent.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Welcome to SR. You have found a great place with lots of experience, strength and hope (ES&H) from folks who have been where your are now, or are where you are now.
Having been married to 2 Military men over the years I understand.
There have been recent articles that there is a massive increase in Alcohol and Drug use in returning G.I.'s from Iraq due to PTSD. The Military is trying to help them, but they cannot unless the soldier tells them what is going on.
What he is doing is SELF MEDICATING and is back in denial! He must get help for him! No you have no control over it unfortunately.
You didn't CAUSE it,
You can't CONTROL it, and
You can't CURE it.
You may want to see what counseling is available for you, from the military, as a Military Spouse, and start some Alanon meetings.
I don't believe it will be enabling to tell him ONCE that his 'Self Medicating' is NOT WORKING and that he needs to see a professional. Then go do what you need to do for you.
My first husband was Air Force Intelligence during the Viet Nam war and I still cannot share what he went through during those years. And yes the after years were pure HELL because he too Self Medicated. Of course, I was a practicing alkie by then so I 'self medicated' also.
Please find some Alanon meetings for you and any counseling that the Military has for spouses.
Please keep posting and ranting, raving, screaming, venting, crying, and yes even laughing, letting us know how YOU are doing, we do care very much!
Love and hugs,
Having been married to 2 Military men over the years I understand.
There have been recent articles that there is a massive increase in Alcohol and Drug use in returning G.I.'s from Iraq due to PTSD. The Military is trying to help them, but they cannot unless the soldier tells them what is going on.
What he is doing is SELF MEDICATING and is back in denial! He must get help for him! No you have no control over it unfortunately.
You didn't CAUSE it,
You can't CONTROL it, and
You can't CURE it.
You may want to see what counseling is available for you, from the military, as a Military Spouse, and start some Alanon meetings.
I don't believe it will be enabling to tell him ONCE that his 'Self Medicating' is NOT WORKING and that he needs to see a professional. Then go do what you need to do for you.
My first husband was Air Force Intelligence during the Viet Nam war and I still cannot share what he went through during those years. And yes the after years were pure HELL because he too Self Medicated. Of course, I was a practicing alkie by then so I 'self medicated' also.
Please find some Alanon meetings for you and any counseling that the Military has for spouses.
Please keep posting and ranting, raving, screaming, venting, crying, and yes even laughing, letting us know how YOU are doing, we do care very much!
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hi,
I wouldn't care whether it's to be considered a 'relapse' or not. The point being that he admits to using a drug is enough. It's typical for an addict to rationalize using.
If he is serious about getting help for PSTD, he can go to the VA for that, that's what they are there for.
There is a saying called the 3 C's (of addiction/alcholism)
I didn't cause it
I can't cure it
I can't control it
Many of us here in these forum have tried everything in the book to help a loved one stop using, and can tell you that, sadly, it doesn't work.
The best thing you can do is to learn about this disease, keep in contact with others who are in the same situation and learn how to take care of your own needs in light of your present situation.
You are off to a good start by coming to this forum and telling your story. It helps to know that others understand and care. You don't need to handle this all by yourself, we are here with you.
I hope you will get some help for yourself either in Naranon or Al-Anon; and please continue to post here as there are so many wonderful people who will share their experience and offer you some much needed support.
I wouldn't care whether it's to be considered a 'relapse' or not. The point being that he admits to using a drug is enough. It's typical for an addict to rationalize using.
If he is serious about getting help for PSTD, he can go to the VA for that, that's what they are there for.
The truth is, I would do almost anything to see my husband be happy again.
I didn't cause it
I can't cure it
I can't control it
Many of us here in these forum have tried everything in the book to help a loved one stop using, and can tell you that, sadly, it doesn't work.
The best thing you can do is to learn about this disease, keep in contact with others who are in the same situation and learn how to take care of your own needs in light of your present situation.
You are off to a good start by coming to this forum and telling your story. It helps to know that others understand and care. You don't need to handle this all by yourself, we are here with you.
I hope you will get some help for yourself either in Naranon or Al-Anon; and please continue to post here as there are so many wonderful people who will share their experience and offer you some much needed support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 6
Thank you for your replies.
We have been involved with the V.A. since he got out of the military and it has pretty much been a full time job for him, just with appointments alone. It has slowed down a bit but he was having 4 or 5 appointments per week for a couple months. They have offered help in every possible aspect. They have given him several medications and he kept claiming that they didn't work. Then I found out he had been throwing the pills away everyday to make me think he was taking them.
I definitely want to get involved in some Al-Anon meetings. I'm hoping to go this Thursday to a local meeting. When I first met him and found out about his addictions, I immediately found a local al-anon meeting because I wanted to learn as much as I could about the disease...especially for if he relapsed. (Although, sadly enough due to my ignorance, I never thought he would relapse. Crazy, i know! But I know differently now! In fact, he would even say to me "I can relapse at any time...and that is why I take it one day at a time")
Slowly over the last few months, I've come to understand the 3 C's. He randomly gets SO MAD at me, and when I ask what I did to cause it, he can't answer me.
And the truth is, I know I didn't cause it.
Its frustrating living with that because we've had many days where he says that I ticked him off just by walking in the room...so I have to be silent the entire day just so I don't set him off.
I DEFINITELY see that I can't control it. Sadly enough, I feel like we've gone into a 'parent-child' relationship...me being the parent. I know its not healthy. But since he got home and starting acting like this, I always feel like I have to step up and do everything for him. From getting his clothes for him when he wants to get dressed to looking for jobs for him. He hasn't worked since he left Iraq and the Army. He just sits in the house all day.
So you might as well get a big black marker and write ENABLER across my forehead! (haha...probably not funny but I have to find humor in this somewhere!)
I am trying though, and I'm realizing that if he wants to use, he will...no matter what I do. So I just wont even waste my time trying to control that.
I do have a question though. His family feels the need to do an intervention...and please keep in mind I've never done this stuff in my life so what I say may sound ridiculous...but, When is the right time to do an intervention?
He's so far in denial that I'm pretty sure he'll just think we're a bunch of idiots making a big deal out of nothing and it'll go right over his head. Plus it'll infuriate him.
So how do you decide? When do you intervene?
Or is it even necessary right now?
We have been involved with the V.A. since he got out of the military and it has pretty much been a full time job for him, just with appointments alone. It has slowed down a bit but he was having 4 or 5 appointments per week for a couple months. They have offered help in every possible aspect. They have given him several medications and he kept claiming that they didn't work. Then I found out he had been throwing the pills away everyday to make me think he was taking them.
I definitely want to get involved in some Al-Anon meetings. I'm hoping to go this Thursday to a local meeting. When I first met him and found out about his addictions, I immediately found a local al-anon meeting because I wanted to learn as much as I could about the disease...especially for if he relapsed. (Although, sadly enough due to my ignorance, I never thought he would relapse. Crazy, i know! But I know differently now! In fact, he would even say to me "I can relapse at any time...and that is why I take it one day at a time")
Slowly over the last few months, I've come to understand the 3 C's. He randomly gets SO MAD at me, and when I ask what I did to cause it, he can't answer me.
And the truth is, I know I didn't cause it.
Its frustrating living with that because we've had many days where he says that I ticked him off just by walking in the room...so I have to be silent the entire day just so I don't set him off.
I DEFINITELY see that I can't control it. Sadly enough, I feel like we've gone into a 'parent-child' relationship...me being the parent. I know its not healthy. But since he got home and starting acting like this, I always feel like I have to step up and do everything for him. From getting his clothes for him when he wants to get dressed to looking for jobs for him. He hasn't worked since he left Iraq and the Army. He just sits in the house all day.
So you might as well get a big black marker and write ENABLER across my forehead! (haha...probably not funny but I have to find humor in this somewhere!)
I am trying though, and I'm realizing that if he wants to use, he will...no matter what I do. So I just wont even waste my time trying to control that.
I do have a question though. His family feels the need to do an intervention...and please keep in mind I've never done this stuff in my life so what I say may sound ridiculous...but, When is the right time to do an intervention?
He's so far in denial that I'm pretty sure he'll just think we're a bunch of idiots making a big deal out of nothing and it'll go right over his head. Plus it'll infuriate him.
So how do you decide? When do you intervene?
Or is it even necessary right now?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,381
I am in recovery myself but thought I can tell you this.
If he believes with his heart the the pot is cureing his PTSD he could be telling you the truth. But in truth he is just covering up the problem. And the problem will always be there if he does not get help from a doctor.
I really feel for you and him, but I think he is trieing to cope. It is harder for a man to ask for help. A doctor would not give pot to a person for PTSD. Maybe you can point that out to him. Because he might not see addiction taking over again.
Just want to help.
If he believes with his heart the the pot is cureing his PTSD he could be telling you the truth. But in truth he is just covering up the problem. And the problem will always be there if he does not get help from a doctor.
I really feel for you and him, but I think he is trieing to cope. It is harder for a man to ask for help. A doctor would not give pot to a person for PTSD. Maybe you can point that out to him. Because he might not see addiction taking over again.
Just want to help.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
welcome to sr, glad you found us but sorry about your situation. you've found to a great place with a lot of caring people who want to walk with you through all of this. you are not alone. i will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
Hey pacbaby,
thanks for your honest, gutwrenching story. I think you seem to have a pretty good handle on things already for someone who doesn't know much about addiction. the one thing that came to mind as I read your post was that the pot is covering the pain, not unearthing it. So of course he feels better at first. But the pain will come out, one way or another. My son started using after he found out his dad was gay, and we got a divorce. that was 4 years ago and he is still struggling with addiction. Of course the use of pot has added to his problems, not helped them.
As far as an intervention, I don't have any experience so i'll let others speak to that.
I also was touched by your being quiet all day. wow, that's just wrong. You do have to think about yourself. Sometimes when we love someone we have misplaced loyalty to them, when we really should think about ourselves. IMHO.
Keep posting, pacbaby. We care.
krhea
thanks for your honest, gutwrenching story. I think you seem to have a pretty good handle on things already for someone who doesn't know much about addiction. the one thing that came to mind as I read your post was that the pot is covering the pain, not unearthing it. So of course he feels better at first. But the pain will come out, one way or another. My son started using after he found out his dad was gay, and we got a divorce. that was 4 years ago and he is still struggling with addiction. Of course the use of pot has added to his problems, not helped them.
As far as an intervention, I don't have any experience so i'll let others speak to that.
I also was touched by your being quiet all day. wow, that's just wrong. You do have to think about yourself. Sometimes when we love someone we have misplaced loyalty to them, when we really should think about ourselves. IMHO.
Keep posting, pacbaby. We care.
krhea
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
So often people suffering from serious PTSD are treated over the long haul with prescribed drugs and therapy. It sounds as though your husband has found the drug that helps him and it sounds like he needs it to function. It's a fasinating dicotomy from a social perspective. Does it matter if the drug is legal or prescribed if the drug is necessary to function? I don't know the answer other than mood altering drugs are not the best way to live long term.
EMDR is an alterate form of therapy that does not rely upon drugs. It was once considered rather kooky and now has been accepted as reasonable because it works for a lot of people. Here is a link with additional information.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy
EMDR is an alterate form of therapy that does not rely upon drugs. It was once considered rather kooky and now has been accepted as reasonable because it works for a lot of people. Here is a link with additional information.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 6
That is what always keeps me second guessing thing whole thing. Is knowing that the drug DID help his symptoms. But what works against him with this whole thing is that
#1: its illegal
#2: he has previous addiction problems...with marijuana being his drug of choice!
I am glad that you all pointed out to me though that the problem isn't so much deciding whether it is a relapse or not...but rather that he is covering up his problem with another problem.
Even though I tell myself that, over and over again, to not focus on whether it is a relapse or not, I still find myself constantly analyzing things because I feel like "what if he really IS trying to help himself...and I'm sitting here doubting my own husband?" I know it sounds ridiculous, but I'm a worry wart and just try to look at every angle because I genuinely WANT to understand and support him.
outtolunch: that has been one of his arguments. that he needs it to function and to feel. but i'm so lost and confused when it comes to accepting that as his best option. and i dont even see how that is going to have good long term affects for him. how will he hold a job? he didn't even give the other medications a fair chance.
i truly did hear him out with this whole self-medicating thing and i don't think he's lying when he says it helped him...i saw first hand that it did, in fact, calm him down. however, because of his history, how do i know when its the addict talking to me vs. my husband?
i've been told many stories (by him and his family) of how he was when he used back in 2002...and he was the king of manipulation. he would say anything and do anything to get his fix. so i'm having trouble figuring out if i'm getting caught up in his game of manipulation or not. i want to believe in him and believe that he solely did it to help his symptoms....but from different things i've been told, isn't that why many people relapse? to cope with something?
Now something else that tells me this is a relapse is the fact that he is secretive and lying like crazy lately. over ridiculous things that don't matter.
like, he told his grandmother this morning that i was in indiana with my grandparents and that he had dropped me off early in the morning on friday at my parents house so i could ride with them.
and he told her he couldn't work for her one day last week because the V.A. called him in for an appointment.
Both of those things being completely untrue....never happened!
i'm just trying to rationalize something that is almost impossible to rationalize!
Lord help me!
Thanks again for all the info everyone! I need all the support and advice I can get!
#1: its illegal
#2: he has previous addiction problems...with marijuana being his drug of choice!
I am glad that you all pointed out to me though that the problem isn't so much deciding whether it is a relapse or not...but rather that he is covering up his problem with another problem.
Even though I tell myself that, over and over again, to not focus on whether it is a relapse or not, I still find myself constantly analyzing things because I feel like "what if he really IS trying to help himself...and I'm sitting here doubting my own husband?" I know it sounds ridiculous, but I'm a worry wart and just try to look at every angle because I genuinely WANT to understand and support him.
outtolunch: that has been one of his arguments. that he needs it to function and to feel. but i'm so lost and confused when it comes to accepting that as his best option. and i dont even see how that is going to have good long term affects for him. how will he hold a job? he didn't even give the other medications a fair chance.
i truly did hear him out with this whole self-medicating thing and i don't think he's lying when he says it helped him...i saw first hand that it did, in fact, calm him down. however, because of his history, how do i know when its the addict talking to me vs. my husband?
i've been told many stories (by him and his family) of how he was when he used back in 2002...and he was the king of manipulation. he would say anything and do anything to get his fix. so i'm having trouble figuring out if i'm getting caught up in his game of manipulation or not. i want to believe in him and believe that he solely did it to help his symptoms....but from different things i've been told, isn't that why many people relapse? to cope with something?
Now something else that tells me this is a relapse is the fact that he is secretive and lying like crazy lately. over ridiculous things that don't matter.
like, he told his grandmother this morning that i was in indiana with my grandparents and that he had dropped me off early in the morning on friday at my parents house so i could ride with them.
and he told her he couldn't work for her one day last week because the V.A. called him in for an appointment.
Both of those things being completely untrue....never happened!
i'm just trying to rationalize something that is almost impossible to rationalize!
Lord help me!
Thanks again for all the info everyone! I need all the support and advice I can get!
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
I just wanted to point out that a lot of the stuff you have mentioned could have nothing to do with him smoking marijuana, and more to do with the fact that of
I'm not condoning his usage of it, but you may want to look at some of the research done on marijuana and ptsd and do a of track of MAPS, part of the reason they are trying to make it legal for vets that have ptsd is
The Vietnam Administration Clinics have tried every anti-psychotic and anti-depressant in the book as well as highly potent pain killers like Oxycontin and M.S. contin (morphine) with a low success rate for PTSD and a higher rate of addicts and alcoholics.
Just giving you a different point of view to look at. It is legal where I live if you have
a medical card, someone said a doctor would never prescribe, that's not true.
As I said I'm not saying I condone it, I have just heard a lot more about it since it
became legal here, and I do read about it.
He saw 22 men in his unit get killed, so needless to say...he has some serious traumas going on and has been diagnosed with PTSD and mild traumatic brain injury from explosions he encountered.
The Vietnam Administration Clinics have tried every anti-psychotic and anti-depressant in the book as well as highly potent pain killers like Oxycontin and M.S. contin (morphine) with a low success rate for PTSD and a higher rate of addicts and alcoholics.
Just giving you a different point of view to look at. It is legal where I live if you have
a medical card, someone said a doctor would never prescribe, that's not true.
As I said I'm not saying I condone it, I have just heard a lot more about it since it
became legal here, and I do read about it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 6
Thanks done-with-it, for your reply! its much appreciated.
i definitely see what you are saying. i have been talking to my mom about that and told her its hard because his behavior is completely normal for someone who just came home from a war and lived through the things he lived through! thats why i never suspected drug use! i just took the behavior as being a part of the ptsd and brain injury. but then when the weed got thrown in the mix, it just confused me. i can't blame the weed for being the cause for his bizarre, angry behavior because he just started using 2 months ago! he's been home since October! and like i said before, he really calmed down while he was using.
i've been doing a lot of research trying to figure out what's "right" and to see if medicinal cannibis can, in fact, help him...cause Lord knows, I don't have the answers. I truly do want to be open minded and that is why I'm seeking so many opinions because I don't want to be close minded. i want to hear what everyone has to say.
i even thought that if he truly believed that this would help him, why wont he do it the honest way? talk to the doctors about it...see what he has to do to get a medical card for it. but he wont. he is just getting mad at anyone who disagrees with him and he's blocking them out of his life entirely. he has completely shut out his mom and sister since they expressed concern for him. he wont speak to them at all. they said this is exactly how he acted when he relapsed before.
the things that he does and says are definitely rooted from his traumas in iraq...i'm just worried about the marijuana worsening things for him in the long run, considering he is an addict.
what will happen when the marijuana isn't cutting it for him anymore?
i'm just confused...scared...concerned..
i definitely see what you are saying. i have been talking to my mom about that and told her its hard because his behavior is completely normal for someone who just came home from a war and lived through the things he lived through! thats why i never suspected drug use! i just took the behavior as being a part of the ptsd and brain injury. but then when the weed got thrown in the mix, it just confused me. i can't blame the weed for being the cause for his bizarre, angry behavior because he just started using 2 months ago! he's been home since October! and like i said before, he really calmed down while he was using.
i've been doing a lot of research trying to figure out what's "right" and to see if medicinal cannibis can, in fact, help him...cause Lord knows, I don't have the answers. I truly do want to be open minded and that is why I'm seeking so many opinions because I don't want to be close minded. i want to hear what everyone has to say.
i even thought that if he truly believed that this would help him, why wont he do it the honest way? talk to the doctors about it...see what he has to do to get a medical card for it. but he wont. he is just getting mad at anyone who disagrees with him and he's blocking them out of his life entirely. he has completely shut out his mom and sister since they expressed concern for him. he wont speak to them at all. they said this is exactly how he acted when he relapsed before.
the things that he does and says are definitely rooted from his traumas in iraq...i'm just worried about the marijuana worsening things for him in the long run, considering he is an addict.
what will happen when the marijuana isn't cutting it for him anymore?
i'm just confused...scared...concerned..
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
i even thought that if he truly believed that this would help him, why wont he do it the honest way?
or I'm not sure of the exact words. But because of the stigma attached to it, I would not talk to anyone besides my Mom about it should I ever decide to do it. I don't like weed so it's not something that I would do, but...
His reaction could be normal, or it could not be normal.
I think you could disect it for days, but never really know, he may not even know.
talk to the doctors about it...see what he has to do to get a medical card for it. but he wont. he is just getting mad at anyone who disagrees with him and he's blocking them out of his life entirely. he has completely shut out his mom and sister since they expressed concern for him. he wont speak to them at all. they said this is exactly how he acted when he relapsed before.
They are different people now then when they left. You can't go to a
war zone, kill people, or see people being killed and come back the same
person.
I just think he is dealing with so much more that is beyond our comprehension, it is easy for us to say this or that, but I don't think
it's the same thing. I can't even begin to understand what he is going
through. And I think it would be hard to compare his actions then to
his action now as the same.
Not sure if I am making sense, I just think it's a little bit bigger.
Maybe I'm thinking about it too much or too deep.
Him not speaking to his family could also be his way of saying,
don't talk to me you don't understand what I am going through,
you didn't see what I saw, you don't feel what I feel, and don't
try and act like you do.
Men have a hard time expressing feelings, shutting the ones
closest to them out is normal.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 6
wow...thanks for all the insight! all of this really is beyond our comprehension and you're right when you said
"And I think it would be hard to compare his actions then to
his action now as the same."
that is why I titled my thread as "relapse...or just a cure for PTSD"
i dont want to jump to conclusions to one or the other...but I want to support him in any way I can without enabling him. Its just difficult because this whole this is just SO complex! I wish I could just pinpoint one thing and say "here's the problem...." and "here's a solution.."
but this is not that simple!
lets say the marijuana is a cure for his PTSD...
but will it trigger him, as the addict, to use other drugs as well?
i feel like i'll never know for sure. its basically a waiting game. only time will tell. I feel like I have to just wait and see if it helps him or hurts him.
in the mean time, do i just sit here and pretend i dont know that he's using drugs in our home? i know i can't control him...but i dont want to be around that. its hard for me to make a rash decision and call it quits with him, because that small part of me still wonders if he really did find the 'medication' that helps him.
as of right now, my train of thought is that i'm going to take this month that he is living with his friends to get on my feet...get back in school, get a good job, start getting back into doing the things i love to do, and just hope that it all comes together in the end. i guess regardless of what i think or do, the cards are going to play out the way they're supposed to. its hard to take that in, but i dont think i have very many other options!
oh, and yeah, they're working on getting him counseling. he is actually going in for a neuropsych test in august and hopefully things will take off from there as far as getting him set up with good therapy.
thanks again for everyone's words of wisdom and encouragement so far!
"And I think it would be hard to compare his actions then to
his action now as the same."
that is why I titled my thread as "relapse...or just a cure for PTSD"
i dont want to jump to conclusions to one or the other...but I want to support him in any way I can without enabling him. Its just difficult because this whole this is just SO complex! I wish I could just pinpoint one thing and say "here's the problem...." and "here's a solution.."
but this is not that simple!
lets say the marijuana is a cure for his PTSD...
but will it trigger him, as the addict, to use other drugs as well?
i feel like i'll never know for sure. its basically a waiting game. only time will tell. I feel like I have to just wait and see if it helps him or hurts him.
in the mean time, do i just sit here and pretend i dont know that he's using drugs in our home? i know i can't control him...but i dont want to be around that. its hard for me to make a rash decision and call it quits with him, because that small part of me still wonders if he really did find the 'medication' that helps him.
as of right now, my train of thought is that i'm going to take this month that he is living with his friends to get on my feet...get back in school, get a good job, start getting back into doing the things i love to do, and just hope that it all comes together in the end. i guess regardless of what i think or do, the cards are going to play out the way they're supposed to. its hard to take that in, but i dont think i have very many other options!
oh, and yeah, they're working on getting him counseling. he is actually going in for a neuropsych test in august and hopefully things will take off from there as far as getting him set up with good therapy.
thanks again for everyone's words of wisdom and encouragement so far!
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
as of right now, my train of thought is that i'm going to take this month that he is living with his friends to get on my feet...get back in school, get a good job, start getting back into doing the things i love to do, and just hope that it all comes together in the end. i guess regardless of what i think or do, the cards are going to play out the way they're supposed to. its hard to take that in, but i dont think i have very many other options!
oh, and yeah, they're working on getting him counseling. he is actually going in for a neuropsych test in august and hopefully things will take off from there as far as getting him set up with good therapy.
oh, and yeah, they're working on getting him counseling. he is actually going in for a neuropsych test in august and hopefully things will take off from there as far as getting him set up with good therapy.
Focus on yourself and let this play out as it should. If he is getting the
help, getting the tests, etc. let it play out as it should, let them help
him, and let him deal with it. It sounds like the right people are helping
him, people who are trained with what he has been through.
And I am sure they are used to what he's doing.
We can ask all the what ifs in the world but the simple fact is, we don't know.
We don't know if the MJ is/will help him, we don't know if one day he'll want more, we also don't know if tomorrow we are going to get hit by a bus.
We let our higher power deal with that. Sounds to me like you are doing
an amazing job at helping him, focusing on yourself and doing the next best thing. I think you should be proud of yourself and the way you are handling it.
I know it is hard to let him deal with himself and hard not to worry about him, and it is natural to want to help him, but in reality remember he's stronger than you think, he just got back from fighting a war. He can help himself,
don't take that away from him, he KNOWS he can help himself, he just did it for survival. When you start to help someone too much they start to think they can't help themselves.. Just another way to look at it.
He can do this...
:ghug2
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
My RAD had PTSD, panic disorder, and a mTBI. She did EMDR almost a year ago and it helped tremendously. I know the VA has approved it as a means of treatment; it was one the selling points for me when I whipped out the checkbook.
Post concussive syndrome rocked her world. The mood swings were just nasty and I wondered sometimes if she was bipolar. Matter of fact, a few psych docs said she was based on behavior. It was only after she had a qEEG done by her current doc that the real cause was discovered.
She was self medicating but she didn't stop with pot. Her DOC was IV dilaudid.
The therapy her pysch doc recommended was neurofeedback. Another one of those treatments thought to be kooky but I figured if NASA uses it, she can too. He first wanted to work on her addiction and after about 10 sessions she suddenly stopped the active phase of addiction and started maintenance. After a series of events she entered rehab and is now clean 60 days.
She's ready to start up neurofeedback again, continue working on the mTBI. It got put on hold during rehab and this most recent round of aftercare. I know it made a difference because her cognitive abilities are better than before the addiction. Not that it helps your husband any, but the Texas state legislature passed a law that insurance can't deny coverage to anyone using neurofeedback for the treatment of TBI's.
I'm sorry your world is in so much turmoil. It's your husband, my daughter, and oh boy do I know what it's like. I hope he finds the treatments that are right for him because post concussive syndrome can get worse, a lot worse, if the brain doesn't heal properly.
Keep breathing, lady. I did as much as I could helping my daughter find treatment and then had to let go, hope and pray for the best. You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers.
Post concussive syndrome rocked her world. The mood swings were just nasty and I wondered sometimes if she was bipolar. Matter of fact, a few psych docs said she was based on behavior. It was only after she had a qEEG done by her current doc that the real cause was discovered.
She was self medicating but she didn't stop with pot. Her DOC was IV dilaudid.
The therapy her pysch doc recommended was neurofeedback. Another one of those treatments thought to be kooky but I figured if NASA uses it, she can too. He first wanted to work on her addiction and after about 10 sessions she suddenly stopped the active phase of addiction and started maintenance. After a series of events she entered rehab and is now clean 60 days.
She's ready to start up neurofeedback again, continue working on the mTBI. It got put on hold during rehab and this most recent round of aftercare. I know it made a difference because her cognitive abilities are better than before the addiction. Not that it helps your husband any, but the Texas state legislature passed a law that insurance can't deny coverage to anyone using neurofeedback for the treatment of TBI's.
I'm sorry your world is in so much turmoil. It's your husband, my daughter, and oh boy do I know what it's like. I hope he finds the treatments that are right for him because post concussive syndrome can get worse, a lot worse, if the brain doesn't heal properly.
Keep breathing, lady. I did as much as I could helping my daughter find treatment and then had to let go, hope and pray for the best. You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by Chino 
She did EMDR almost a year ago and it helped tremendously. I know the VA has approved it as a means of treatment; it was one the selling points for me when I whipped out the checkbook.
Regardless of what kind of therapy used, it has to get to the root of the problem or else it's likely that drugs, prescribed or otherwise or alcohol will become the primary and perhaps permanent coping mechanism.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
Your description of his actions--lying, manipulating, etc., sounds like addict behavior.
In cases where medical marijuana is prescribed, that person is working closely with a doctor for the correct usage. Your husband is self-medicating. He is not working with a doctor. If this was medical marijuana, then the prescriber would be working on non-medicine treatment, too. Your husband would be learning coping mechanisms.
Not that any of this matters. It is not about whether or not he is an addict. The main question is regarding his behavior. Is his behavior/ actions acceptable?
I can't imagine what it is like for him to have been through what he has seen. That's why he needs to be working with professionals--not trying to find a magic cure on his own.
No matter what the case, you need to take care of you. I don't think you help him by doing things for him--doing all his laundry, finding him a job, etc. If he starts taking care of his own business, that help him grow and move through this.
You can't cure him or control him. What you can do is establish boundaries. What will you accept in your home? Does he need to contribute to the household? Does he need to be honest?
I hope you can find a support group that will help with this specific problem. It sounds like he went through a rough time, but already didn't have the best coping mechanisms. I base that becaue of his teenage drug use.
In cases where medical marijuana is prescribed, that person is working closely with a doctor for the correct usage. Your husband is self-medicating. He is not working with a doctor. If this was medical marijuana, then the prescriber would be working on non-medicine treatment, too. Your husband would be learning coping mechanisms.
Not that any of this matters. It is not about whether or not he is an addict. The main question is regarding his behavior. Is his behavior/ actions acceptable?
I can't imagine what it is like for him to have been through what he has seen. That's why he needs to be working with professionals--not trying to find a magic cure on his own.
No matter what the case, you need to take care of you. I don't think you help him by doing things for him--doing all his laundry, finding him a job, etc. If he starts taking care of his own business, that help him grow and move through this.
You can't cure him or control him. What you can do is establish boundaries. What will you accept in your home? Does he need to contribute to the household? Does he need to be honest?
I hope you can find a support group that will help with this specific problem. It sounds like he went through a rough time, but already didn't have the best coping mechanisms. I base that becaue of his teenage drug use.
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