ladyamalthea

I've been doing some pondering this morning, and something just occured to me. I've actually been using my detaching with love in other aspects of my life, too... and it has done wonders for me.

Hubby has yet to go back to school (He has 96 hours completed towards his bachelor's degree). Two weeks ago, he told me about an open house for the school he wants to attend to complete his degree. Said open house was today. Did hubby go??? No. Did I do everything I could to MAKE him go??? No. All I said was, "I thought you were going to the open house." And he said that he had other plans, like washing his car and mowing the grass (because those two things HAD to be done today, right? lol...)

But I've learned that he has to be free to decide when he's going to get that degree. Nothing I can do will force him to better himself, anymore than it could have made my sister get sober. I love my husband... and we're making ends meet right now. So I'll be here to encourage him, but I won't try to control him anymore than I would ras.

With the old me, a huge fight would have ensued. And he still would not have gone. But now, we have avoided said fight, and he may not have gone to the open house, but he is doing what he feels he needs to do for today. And that is a good thing, in my book

I'm so glad that I'm here to learn from you all.

:ghug2

Ann

I'll bet your homelife today is happier than it might have been if you forced the issue, yes?

It's amazing how recovery just fits in all aspects of our lives, and I am grateful for all the tools I have learned to use along the way.

It took me a long time to change and find the beautiful place I am in today, and yet today I wonder how I ever missed all this before.

Recovery...it's a beautiful thing.

Hugs

greeteachday

I wish we didn't have to qualify for our programs in the way we have, but I am so incredibly grateful to have found recovery. I too use it in all aspects of my life. It has helped me to give others the opportunity to find their own way. I like the role of being sort of a quiet cheerleader (isn't that an oxymoron. lol) just being positive and supportive...having an ear ready or a shoulder to cry on, but not trying to control the universe any more. It sure feels terrific! And I believe that the change in me has helped me to see and be grateful for all the angels in my life.

So glad you are sharing this journey with us, Lady! Hugs

mooselips

ladyamalthea,
Thanks for bringing this topic up.
I've also realized how the program has seeped into my everyday living, it's like second nature, I think!

What I've noticed is...my brother, who generally is an angry person now calls me to vent, and I oh so calmly can sit on the phone and say...oh? ooohhh... uh huh....welll....hmmmm....

I do not have to take any control, or try to be the fixer upper no more.

Life can be wonderful, if we let it...

BayAreaPhoenix

Yep - not being "the Fixer" (as if I ever did actually fix anything LOL!) - it's a really good thing all around! Good for you! Your work and recovery is shining!