How can...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 448
How can...
How can someone who has been out of my life for almost 8 months make me feel as bad as I do now? I am not not drinking, but have received several emails from the ex-idiot today. I told him that I am trying to work the 12 steps and want him to go away. I am trying so hard to stay sober and he is going to f*&^ this all up. I know at some point I have to forgive him, but that is gonna be really hard. I was so happy today, and this is just pulling me down. I am trying to stay on here and just keep writing.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 47
re maybe set the timer on the microwave
flgirl,
i'm no expert on anything....I'm only 6 days sober .....but once this guy I loved so much I thought I'd stop breathing, he walked out on me even though we were engaged....i thought he actually walked on water, CMU graduate, loads of charm, you name it..it felt like my heart was ripped out..so some how I figured out this little trick..instead of calling him or wailing like a broken bird, I'd set the timer on the microwave. 1 minute, 2 minutes, 3 minutes, 4 minutes. up to 30 minute times increments....I stood infront of the microwave like a mad woman!!! my then 4 year old kid must have thought I was nutz..but some how I got through it..so maybe you could set the timer & fill in the blanks..not feel bad, not drink, not blame yourself, not react? not answer emails? idk....just trying to be useful, now that I drank my gatoraid
I'm praying :ghug2
i'm no expert on anything....I'm only 6 days sober .....but once this guy I loved so much I thought I'd stop breathing, he walked out on me even though we were engaged....i thought he actually walked on water, CMU graduate, loads of charm, you name it..it felt like my heart was ripped out..so some how I figured out this little trick..instead of calling him or wailing like a broken bird, I'd set the timer on the microwave. 1 minute, 2 minutes, 3 minutes, 4 minutes. up to 30 minute times increments....I stood infront of the microwave like a mad woman!!! my then 4 year old kid must have thought I was nutz..but some how I got through it..so maybe you could set the timer & fill in the blanks..not feel bad, not drink, not blame yourself, not react? not answer emails? idk....just trying to be useful, now that I drank my gatoraid
I'm praying :ghug2
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 47
re; reacting to our emotions
Wow John,
That was well said. I'm not going to AA but I am seeing a therapist weekly. The past two hour long sessions have focused on "reacting" reacting to our loved ones, stressors, thoughts, emotions, reacting to people who push my buttons!!! ....easier said than done..but I think you hit the nail right on the head.
Stay strong flgrl, stay free...from the madness
Oh and it that doesn't work, you can always pound on the MIcROWavE!!!!
That was well said. I'm not going to AA but I am seeing a therapist weekly. The past two hour long sessions have focused on "reacting" reacting to our loved ones, stressors, thoughts, emotions, reacting to people who push my buttons!!! ....easier said than done..but I think you hit the nail right on the head.
Stay strong flgrl, stay free...from the madness
Oh and it that doesn't work, you can always pound on the MIcROWavE!!!!
FreeSpirit
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Inside My Spirit
Posts: 1,274
flgirl U are my Buddy, & U always Been there 4r me, I'm pretty sure U
read my last threads, last weekend on the 4th of July
How I let my husband steel 5- month, & I was suppose
to make 6 month,on 7-9-008 so U S^^ is not worth it.
I have 2 star all over, & it hurts like a B@@ch
man, I understood that no one could steel our
peace of mind, or sobriety, But ourselves I agree with
tommyK , we are our worse enemies not our ex-s
or sibling's It Stars with us & it ends with us
so don't let someone thats been gone for almost already 8- month
take or have that much power over U
read my last threads, last weekend on the 4th of July
How I let my husband steel 5- month, & I was suppose
to make 6 month,on 7-9-008 so U S^^ is not worth it.
I have 2 star all over, & it hurts like a B@@ch
man, I understood that no one could steel our
peace of mind, or sobriety, But ourselves I agree with
tommyK , we are our worse enemies not our ex-s
or sibling's It Stars with us & it ends with us
so don't let someone thats been gone for almost already 8- month
take or have that much power over U
Certified Scrabble Cheat!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The Hill City, MS
Posts: 316
Hey Florida. Suit up and put you game face onl! Don't let this weasel screw with you. You are strong and you are better than that. Put yourself way above that petty nonsense and overcome this bump in your road.
After all - you are the Princess....... Nah. Screw that. you are the bad -ss that ain't gonna put up with this crap anymore!!!!!! Now get your head in the game.
After all - you are the Princess....... Nah. Screw that. you are the bad -ss that ain't gonna put up with this crap anymore!!!!!! Now get your head in the game.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Lots of people can 'make you feel bad'-if you let them.
Your sobriety is up to you.I'm not being harsh-it's just that this is such a huge lesson I've learnt recently.S*it happens-often to us.How we deal with it is the measure of who we are.We can be victims forever if we choose to be-god knows I have a whole lot of reasons to sit here-bemoan my fate-feel sorry for myself and ultimately-drink.Like I did not too long ago.
But the reality is-it's BS.Everyone here has a reason/excuse to drink/use.We're choosing not to.And while I understand your pain-you have the same choice I do.Don't pick up.No one has that power over you unless you let them.I believe you're better than that.
*hugs*
Julesxox
Your sobriety is up to you.I'm not being harsh-it's just that this is such a huge lesson I've learnt recently.S*it happens-often to us.How we deal with it is the measure of who we are.We can be victims forever if we choose to be-god knows I have a whole lot of reasons to sit here-bemoan my fate-feel sorry for myself and ultimately-drink.Like I did not too long ago.
But the reality is-it's BS.Everyone here has a reason/excuse to drink/use.We're choosing not to.And while I understand your pain-you have the same choice I do.Don't pick up.No one has that power over you unless you let them.I believe you're better than that.
*hugs*
Julesxox
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,354
I've had a few bad *weeks* lately.
I've gotten to the end of my tether more than once and thought of drinking.
But that's the old me, old behaviours...
sometimes life sucks, sometimes people do....
all I can do is make sure I'm the best shape I can be to face whatever comes at me
For me - that means being good and true to myself, facing up to stuff, taking responsibilty for myself and...living sober, no matter what.
There's no badness a drink won't make worse.
D
I've gotten to the end of my tether more than once and thought of drinking.
But that's the old me, old behaviours...
sometimes life sucks, sometimes people do....
all I can do is make sure I'm the best shape I can be to face whatever comes at me
For me - that means being good and true to myself, facing up to stuff, taking responsibilty for myself and...living sober, no matter what.
There's no badness a drink won't make worse.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by flgirl 
I am just trying so hard
Remember step 1 - we are powerless. Powerless over others as well as our own addictions. Give up the fight, if you are trying so hard you have forgotten step 1 IMHO.
Hang in there, this too shall pass.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 179
Flgirl: not sure if this will make sense, but I am finding it easier to just love these people rather than forgive them--at least for starters. I just think, okay I am going to love this person, so now I can go about my own business.
Loving an ex doesn't mean seeing them or replying to their email. In fact, for me, it is just the opposite. Since I can love (care for who they are) them, I can ignore these acts on their part which are either a ploy to get my attention or an attempt to "get even" with me.
What is becoming more and more clear to me is that we were drawn together by our acute neediness--which was a recipe for disaster. Knowing this is part of my recovery, loving them as people who need to be loved is part of my recovery, and separating myself from the drama which we used to participate in is another step in this recovery process.
Its a bit like dealing with an unruly child: just love them and ignore the behavior.
Loving an ex doesn't mean seeing them or replying to their email. In fact, for me, it is just the opposite. Since I can love (care for who they are) them, I can ignore these acts on their part which are either a ploy to get my attention or an attempt to "get even" with me.
What is becoming more and more clear to me is that we were drawn together by our acute neediness--which was a recipe for disaster. Knowing this is part of my recovery, loving them as people who need to be loved is part of my recovery, and separating myself from the drama which we used to participate in is another step in this recovery process.
Its a bit like dealing with an unruly child: just love them and ignore the behavior.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,755
Boy oh boy is this familiar. My ex (we broke up ten years ago) is also hateful with me. He doesn't email me but is so antagonistic. He raises a fuss over anything I do with the kids, but since he's not the full time parent he hasn't got a leg to stand on.
I know it's hard to ignore someone who seems hell bent on making your life miserable, but ignore them you must. Put yourself and your recovery first. You must take care of YOU!!
sending lots of love and hugs your way!:ghug3:ghug3:ghug3
I know it's hard to ignore someone who seems hell bent on making your life miserable, but ignore them you must. Put yourself and your recovery first. You must take care of YOU!!
sending lots of love and hugs your way!:ghug3:ghug3:ghug3
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Originally Posted by flgirl
How can someone who has been out of my life for almost 8 months make me feel as bad as I do now? I am not not drinking, but have received several emails from the ex-idiot today. I told him that I am trying to work the 12 steps and want him to go away. I am trying so hard to stay sober and he is going to f*&^ this all up. I know at some point I have to forgive him, but that is gonna be really hard. I was so happy today, and this is just pulling me down. I am trying to stay on here and just keep writing.
You can do it...we all believe you can...now, you have to believe it, too. Eventually, hopefully sooner than later, he'll get the message and move on to try to make someone else's life miserable.
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