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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 2
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Well, I guess I can probably post in a few different areas here. I do not drink much anymore myself. I used to until I started having blackouts and all that good stuff. Turns out it runs in the family. My grandparents were alcoholics, having sobered when I was born, my mom rarely took a drink that I know of but when she did she would blackout, disappear (quit her job one night and did not remember a thing, took us hours to find her). I am here today because of my boyfriend and our situation. I feel hopeless. He drank alot when we started dating, and I did too right along with him. Blacking out wasn't completely my reasoning for quitting, but a big part of it. I was just over it. I wanted to settle down, have a family, the good stuff. He did too. We used to plan our wedding though we weren't quite ready for that step. We had been looking at rings and he would ask me when I got home from the mall if I picked up any jewelry fliers. We talked about having kids. He wanted a set of twins. They would be in football (pros of course to support us in our retirement years lol) because with our sizes they had to be great ( I am 5'6 and very muscular, he is 6'4, scrawny legs but strong upper body). We were going to make a home in Montana, an area we love to visit often. He used to live there for work.
Everything took a turn for the worse when his parents and best friend died. first it was his mom, she was an alcoholic with Lupus. She had cirrhosis. She was sick, we came home, they were gonna put her in the nursing home and we left contemplating a move back to the hometown so I could work back at the NH there and watch over her, he could be closer to his parents. Maybe 20 hours after we got home (there was a 10 hour drive and I worked an 8 hour shift) she passed away. A few months later his dad came to visit, not saying anything, gave BF a copy of his life insurance policy. After the visit letting us know he had lung cancer. He was also an alcoholic. exactly 1 year after his mom died, we were in Montana, his Best Friend was in the hospital. She had tumors on her pituitary gland. She had surgery, everything was looking good, we left. Again, after a 14 hour drive and 6 hours of sleep maybe, we got the call that she died. He took this way worse than his mom. I think because it was all too much to handle. I hardly knew this girl, barely knew the person who called but he didn't say anything on the phone, just handed it to me. A couple of months later, I had gotten home from work that night, there was a cop knocking on the door at 3 AM. I had no idea it was a cop at the time because I could not see the car so I hid and watched (we lived on the highway south of Lincoln NE, tend to get nervous) when I saw it was a cop something in my gut told me to check the cell phone messages. A friend had called several times just saying to call right away, so I did, at 4 AM. Here the cop had been there to tell us that BF dad passed away. So many nights after this, I drive back and forth from Nebraska to North Dakota because I had to work, then I had to be there for BF, he would call drunk and he wanted me there, then he didn't and I would go back to work. We weren't sure what to do until a few weeks later my mom calls to tell me she has Tumors on her heart. We moved into his parents place and quit our jobs, he needed to deal with estate business and I needed to take care of my mother for awhile after surgery (our parents are young, his were early 60's, mine is early 40's). I thought we would get back to normal after maybe 6 months. I was so wrong.
This is the beginning, my introduction, I need to get some sleep. I know this is long lol, but never fear, I will be back to vent about the past 4 years. He and I have been together 8, and his dad passed away in 2004. Sorry to babble on for so long. Thank you all for being here (though I wish there weren't any reason for any of us to be here) and listening to me, I have so many fears and anxiety.
Everything took a turn for the worse when his parents and best friend died. first it was his mom, she was an alcoholic with Lupus. She had cirrhosis. She was sick, we came home, they were gonna put her in the nursing home and we left contemplating a move back to the hometown so I could work back at the NH there and watch over her, he could be closer to his parents. Maybe 20 hours after we got home (there was a 10 hour drive and I worked an 8 hour shift) she passed away. A few months later his dad came to visit, not saying anything, gave BF a copy of his life insurance policy. After the visit letting us know he had lung cancer. He was also an alcoholic. exactly 1 year after his mom died, we were in Montana, his Best Friend was in the hospital. She had tumors on her pituitary gland. She had surgery, everything was looking good, we left. Again, after a 14 hour drive and 6 hours of sleep maybe, we got the call that she died. He took this way worse than his mom. I think because it was all too much to handle. I hardly knew this girl, barely knew the person who called but he didn't say anything on the phone, just handed it to me. A couple of months later, I had gotten home from work that night, there was a cop knocking on the door at 3 AM. I had no idea it was a cop at the time because I could not see the car so I hid and watched (we lived on the highway south of Lincoln NE, tend to get nervous) when I saw it was a cop something in my gut told me to check the cell phone messages. A friend had called several times just saying to call right away, so I did, at 4 AM. Here the cop had been there to tell us that BF dad passed away. So many nights after this, I drive back and forth from Nebraska to North Dakota because I had to work, then I had to be there for BF, he would call drunk and he wanted me there, then he didn't and I would go back to work. We weren't sure what to do until a few weeks later my mom calls to tell me she has Tumors on her heart. We moved into his parents place and quit our jobs, he needed to deal with estate business and I needed to take care of my mother for awhile after surgery (our parents are young, his were early 60's, mine is early 40's). I thought we would get back to normal after maybe 6 months. I was so wrong.
This is the beginning, my introduction, I need to get some sleep. I know this is long lol, but never fear, I will be back to vent about the past 4 years. He and I have been together 8, and his dad passed away in 2004. Sorry to babble on for so long. Thank you all for being here (though I wish there weren't any reason for any of us to be here) and listening to me, I have so many fears and anxiety.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Welcome! You are certainly among friends here, people who know what your life is like and have had experiences similar to your own.
If you have time, you might want to cruise around the boards and read the "stickies" at the top. You'll find a lot of good information there. There's also a forum for Grief and Loss, and you might find other good info there on how to deal with the loss of loved ones.
Again, welcome. Others will be along soon to share their experience, strength and hope with you.
Cats
If you have time, you might want to cruise around the boards and read the "stickies" at the top. You'll find a lot of good information there. There's also a forum for Grief and Loss, and you might find other good info there on how to deal with the loss of loved ones.
Again, welcome. Others will be along soon to share their experience, strength and hope with you.
Cats
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Welcome to SR! Glad that you found us-
Vent, babble whatever makes you lighten your load that is what this
site is for!
Sounds like a pretty tuff road that you both have been on thus far....when we go through loosing those we love it is very difficult-I lost my husband and both God Mother and God father within 2 months of each other then 5 years later my father and Aunt within a week of each other...
It is not an easy road however it is something that does get better in time-
As Cat stated check out the stickies and the other forums- there is a wealth of
information in this site and along with the information, lots of people to share with
you-
Keep posting!
Vent, babble whatever makes you lighten your load that is what this
site is for!
Sounds like a pretty tuff road that you both have been on thus far....when we go through loosing those we love it is very difficult-I lost my husband and both God Mother and God father within 2 months of each other then 5 years later my father and Aunt within a week of each other...
It is not an easy road however it is something that does get better in time-
As Cat stated check out the stickies and the other forums- there is a wealth of
information in this site and along with the information, lots of people to share with
you-
Keep posting!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 2
Thank you for your great responses. I will be surfing around here, probably do another post in a bit.I love him more than anything but I am feeling like a fool lately for staying this long. In the beginning I wouldn't leave. How can you leave someone who has just lost everything. But 4 years later it is time to get on with our lives. Hopefully together but I realize that may not be possible.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Hopeless it is possible for us to move on with our own lives....
My XABF lost everything his home among many other things to long to list-
It was his choices and bad decisions that he lost those things...not mine!
I lost a lot in my life as well however I needed to move on from his chaos and
mine in order to have a peaceful serene life like I do today! His choice not to
get sober and stay in a program was his....so mine was to move one with my
life without him. I tried counseling with him-however the third time he showed
up drunk-I knew I could no longer do this with him-I kept to my recovery and
he is living his own life without me...although I loved him very much-I could
not stand the pain any longer-
We can only control our own lives not anyone else's....we all make choices for
oursleves and when we make poor ones we can learn from them and move on...
Moving on is possible and it can be done-with or without them it needs to be
what is right for ourselves.
My XABF lost everything his home among many other things to long to list-
It was his choices and bad decisions that he lost those things...not mine!
I lost a lot in my life as well however I needed to move on from his chaos and
mine in order to have a peaceful serene life like I do today! His choice not to
get sober and stay in a program was his....so mine was to move one with my
life without him. I tried counseling with him-however the third time he showed
up drunk-I knew I could no longer do this with him-I kept to my recovery and
he is living his own life without me...although I loved him very much-I could
not stand the pain any longer-
We can only control our own lives not anyone else's....we all make choices for
oursleves and when we make poor ones we can learn from them and move on...
Moving on is possible and it can be done-with or without them it needs to be
what is right for ourselves.
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