rawdeal

Oh man, its been a tough few days. My mam is really pushing me to the brink of madness. I Dont want to hate her but its like she wants to make sure i do.

She was drunk by lunchtime yesterday as she had bribed my dad with a deal he couldnt refuse, if he went to the off licence to get bacardi for her she would buy him a half bottle of vodka. So they were both drunk at lunchtime on a monday which also happened to be my day off from work. Her reign of terror began when i went down to make tea she launched into a verbal attack after i suggested it was a bit early to be drinking. Told me to "grow up, your nearly 23" and called me a "Lazy fat cu*t" for not being in work. Now im on a break from college, I work 5 days and clean the house usually on my days off. Its just so frustratingly unjust and i cant help but be wound up by it.

I locked myself into my bedroom until her constant door slamming and screaming unsettled me to the point of having to intervene, calmly asking her to calm down she ended up chasing me up the stairs threatening to hit me for being a "spoilt little bitch". Again - i locked myself into my room and she stayed on the stairs, going from sobbing to manic screaming and banging on all of our bedroom doors till i was forced to open it and tell her i would have to call the guards. She then stared right into my eyes with her reddy - yellow, venomous eyes, grey skin and no teeth in and said "you dont push it you little bitch i swear im not afraid to hit you" . I said your breath stinks, leave me alone, and she threw her face into mine and breathed out as much as she could. My stomach twisted with pure revulsion.

My brother has always felt pity for my mam despite her being so horrible but i have never heard him as upset and angry as how he was yesterday after seeing the state of her yesterday. She is the same today, even after us telling her what damage she caused yesterday.

Its breaking my heart that i can hold so much anger and hate. She is a different woman when she is sober, although it is rare that i see her out of her bed if she has no drink. I feel like if she ever was to recover our relationship would be beyond repair. I also am fully aware that this hatred effects every other relationship i make.

Is there any hope?


:praying

Peter

Yes there is hope , but you (and your brother) need to get out of that situation as quickly as possible.

If leaving is not an option for you right now then the best you can do is just stay out of your mothers way.

Despite how revolting and repulsive your mothers drinking and behaviour is to you there is little or nothing you can do about it. Anyword of criticism from you about her drinking is sure to incur her wrath so it is best to say nothing. I know this may be difficult for you living in the same house with her,but anything you can do to prevent a repeat performance is advisable.

Best of luck to you and your brother.

GingerM

There is hope for you and your brother. From your description, while I don't ever like to give up on another soul, your mam is an adult and makes her own decisions about her life. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about her decisions. If she should decide to change, then you may be in a position to help her. If not? Then this is how she will be.

The only person you can change in this world is you, and therein lies your hope. I would wish for you to be able to move away from all the emotional destruction and check into whether or not there is an AlAnon chapter near you. If you can get away from the destruction (you and your brother) then perhaps things may start to seem more sane for you.

If that is not an option, I would suggest lying low and being small and quiet until you get back to school - then seeking out a school therapist/counselor/mental health person (if you have one) and talking to them.

There is most definitely hope for you and your brother. Like your mam though, you'll need to make a decision to seek out help and follow through with it.

I feel for you very deeply. The day I moved away from home was simultaneously the most frightening and most liberating day of my life.

lizw

True.

The strange think about alcoholism is it is the same no matter where you live, what kind of work you do, your age or whether or not it's your mum or dad carrying on in this way.

Not matter what you say, do or do not do, your folks won't get help till they want to, but in the mean time, you don't have to live like that.

I don't know if you've choosen to stay with your folks to save yourslef some $$$ but no amount of $$$ is worth that kind of abuse.

Time to move!!!

Bravery

Hey rawdeal,

I feel for you, I lived through similiar experiences to your own although perhaps not as extreme. I'm also from Dublin so I feel a little bit more connected to you. I hope everything works out ok for you and your family. Things will change, they always do. Just hang in there and be strong. You have your whole life ahead of you and you can't let anyone take that away from you. I know how hard it is to see your own parents damage themselves and have so little self-respect and self-love. It's soul-destroying. But there's a process we have to go through which will enable us to learn about others and ourselves and come out the other side a stronger and wiser person.

Feel free to talk to me anytime.

Bravery.

:ghug2